Dear Prudence,
My daughter, “Sarah,” is 28. She is independent and lives about six hours away with a roommate and her dog. She tells me she’s generally happy, though sometimes a bit lonely, and tends to stay home when she’s not working.
I’m concerned about her health and overall well-being. Sarah is significantly overweight, and although she says she’s happy as she is, I worry that her weight may be affecting important areas of her life—her health, her career, and her relationships. She struggles with depression and takes antidepressants, but has resisted therapy. She also has some medical issues that may be related to her weight, though I no longer have full visibility into her health.
She is a beautiful person, yet she doesn’t date. It’s not for lack of interest. She has shared that she would like a relationship, but isn’t being asked out. Professionally, she has been in her field for six years without advancement and is currently working part-time, even though full-time roles are available. I can’t help but wonder whether bias against heavier individuals may be playing a role. I’ve always tried to model healthy habits. I’ve had my own health struggles in recent years and gained weight, but I’ve since lost 30 pounds through exercise and medication, which has significantly improved both my health and self-confidence. I’ve gently suggested she explore similar options, but she’s not interested. I understand that she is an adult and that ultimately these decisions are hers. Still, it’s very hard to watch from the sidelines as I worry about her long-term health and happiness. Each time I visit, she seems to have gained more weight, and I’m afraid of the path this could lead her down. I don’t want to damage our relationship by pushing too hard, but I also don’t want to ignore something that feels so serious. Is there any constructive way I can support her, or is stepping back truly the best I can do