Dear Prudence,
My husband, who is 86, has a very indirect communication style. He frequently says, “We need to [call, research, locate, other verb]…” and, at some point in the next week or so, he will ask me, “Have you [insert previous verb]…?” He will also say things like, “I need to do some pruning on the climbing rose, but it’s too high for me to reach.”
I’ve taken to asking very specific questions to determine what, if anything, he wants me to do, but his responses are often very vague. For example, “Are you asking me to set up the ladder for you?” to which he might reply, “I can’t reach the top of the rose.” No matter how many questions I ask, he resists making a direct request. This frustrates me, and he seems frustrated that I don’t get his meaning instantly. How can I cut to the chase so I know what he’s asking me to do? I’m happy to do it, I just want to know what it is without interrogating him.