move out with him

Casadena

Dear Prudence, My wife and I have been together 14 years; this is a second marriage for both of us, and we each had a kid. My step-daughter (21) is in college and thriving. My son (18) is neurodivergent and struggles academically, emotionally, and socially. I am his only parent. I love him completely, and we have a real closeness. Recommended for You We Moved Across the Country With Our Two Boys. I’m Worried About the Way They’ve Chosen to “Adjust.” My 4-Year-Old Saw Something No One Should See. My Husband Thinks He Should Be Over It by Now. There’s a Common Way to Save Up to Send Your Kid to College. It Might Not Work for Us. My spouse can be critical of him and use sarcasm and “teasing” to “correct” his behavior. He recently wrote me an email detailing how much my wife’s actions have hurt him. I received the email, and something in me broke. I immediately requested couples counseling and moved my son in with his grandparents. Now in counseling, my spouse has admitted to never really liking him, and I am feeling awful and sick that I didn’t let myself listen to my deep knowing that they were both miserable around each other. I feel like I have to get divorced even though I love my spouse. You can’t stay married to someone who hates your kid, right?

banana468

I think you can be in a 2nd marriage to someone who doesn't like the kid but it's with a lot of stipulations.

And...I don't know if this marriage can be saved.  I also would love to be a fly on the wall of a practitioner / therapist / doctor of the child.  Somewhere between what medical providers, the wife and the LW are stating is the truth.

At some point, what's the long term plan?  At 18, what's the goal for him?  Is he ever going to function in society? Will he need more care?  Is that always on the LW and was that ultimately disclosed to the wife? 

LW may need to move out and get divorced but also look into what a real long term plan should look like for his adult child. 

MyNameIsNot

So you just sat and watched while your wife was cruel to your kid all these years, and pretended like it was some kind of joke until he finally got up the courage to spell it out for you?

Yeah, you need to get divorced because your wife is a cruel person. I get not liking a particular kid (there are a bunch I don't like), but being mean to them is never acceptable. But you need to also accept that removing your wife from the equation doesn't not wave a magic wand. You didn't protect your kid here, and that cuts deep.