Book club - wine club?

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My wife likes to host her book club at our place once a week, and each time, she tends to overindulge with the wine. I’m left to take care of our kids (3 and 6) while she sleeps it off in our bedroom. The other day, my 6-year-old asked me why reading makes Mom tired. I came up with a lame excuse that Mom’s been busier than usual lately and needs to take naps. This has been going on for the past eight months. I’ve tried to convince my wife to cut back on the drinking, but she dismisses it as a once-weekly thing and “not a dependency.” Does she have a problem, or am I being uptight here?

—Wine Wife

banana468

If this was Sunday football day and every Sunday night - Monday AM rolled around and the wife was stuck picking up it would be outrageous.

I think the bigger issue is do they each feel like they get 4x/mo to be entirely tapped out? I'm not a fan of the drinking but is the overindulging only those days? And what's the longer issue?  IMO If I overdo it on Monday night I feel it still like, by Wednesday AM.  And, it's not OK IMO to show your kids that 'reading makes you tired' 1x/week.   There's a difference between normalizing a drink with dinner and normalizing that you don't function enough to tuck the kids in.

And it seems like the LW is not in agreement that they each get a full night a week to be OFF and that would frustrate me too. 

MyNameIsNot

"I'm left to take care of our kids" does it for me here. How many nights a week is the wife the sole or primary care taker while LW does what he wants? I'm guessing the number is >1. 

levioosa

I'm somewhere in between both of you. I am getting strong hints that wife does everything the remainder of the week and just wants a night off to do her own thing. H needs to step up. However, I don't think it's healthy to drink to that excess every week to the point that the kids are noticing. The association between "reading" and "tired?" Terrible. Expecting a full night off every week as a parent is unrealistic. I bet the wife is fed up and is doing it as a way to reclaim some inner identity and peace. But the issue is the kids are picking up on it, and they're not pawns in your marital issues. And H's defense of "waaah, I have to take care of the kids" is ringing pretty hollow. 

banana468

levioosa said:

I'm somewhere in between both of you. I am getting strong hints that wife does everything the remainder of the week and just wants a night off to do her own thing. H needs to step up. However, I don't think it's healthy to drink to that excess every week to the point that the kids are noticing. The association between "reading" and "tired?" Terrible. Expecting a full night off every week as a parent is unrealistic. I bet the wife is fed up and is doing it as a way to reclaim some inner identity and peace. But the issue is the kids are picking up on it, and they're not pawns in your marital issues. And H's defense of "waaah, I have to take care of the kids" is ringing pretty hollow. 

I agree.  DH had his night once a week and he came home sober and I know he needed it but I don't think he fully understood what it took out of me.

I get that the wife should have her night and book club.  But I also question that the kids are associating the reading with being tired.  It's not a good look at all.