Stuck between now and then

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I moved away from my hometown, which was very dear to me, about 10 years ago, out of necessity for my career and that of my partner’s. We moved about a 10-hour drive away. I have the good fortune of being able to either fly or drive to visit fairly often and spend time with my family and loved ones back home—and I love the life we’ve made together. The hard part is going home and seeing all the ways my town has changed, in ways that seemingly are not for the better.

Rents and housing have gone up (like they have everywhere), and my friends and family members are struggling to stay put. A ton of new transplants have moved in (like they have everywhere, it seems). The changes aren’t all huge, scary changes. It’s small things like that ice cream shop we loved being gone now, and the overall culture of the city feels slightly different. I don’t totally recognize the place I grew up in. I’ve always dreamed of moving back, and my partner is on board, but I’m not sure how I’d reconcile this low-level sadness that hits every time I’m home. If I lived there, would that fall to the background? How can I make peace with the inevitable churn of time and the changes it brings, and the place I love not being the same anymore? How do I even figure out if I like this place now, as is, or if I’m just remembering my childhood fondly?

charlotte989875

There’s an irony/hypocrisy of the LW being a transplant somewhere and then complaining about transplants in a place they don’t live. This reads like an entitled “I want everything to stay there same for when I’m ready for it, but I’m not willing to stay to be a part of keeping it that way”. 

short+sassy

I was in the same house my whole childhood/teenage years.  Moved out after jr. college, but only 45 minutes away to my next college.

I moved a LOT further away than the LW, so probably don't see my hometown as frequently.  I find the changes interesting.  Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad.  With that said, I'm excited when I see places I enjoyed have stayed the same.

The thing is, the LW would have been disappointed about the nostalgic ice cream shop closing even if they had never left.  If they moved back, I think they would pretty quickly get used to how everything is in the present.

It sounds like moving is way into the future anyway.  They should put in a pin in that.  But as it starts to get only a few years away, they should weigh pros and cons for where they currently are vs the hometown.  Thinking about only the present day.  A "plus" is friends and family, but some of those folks may have moved away by then.

banana468

This is how life works.

Our town budget just passed and there are people who have lived here for their entire lives (DH and I are about 20 years in) and they lament "Look at what this town is turning into!"

And DH could do the same thing for his hometown where we live comfortably but houses are out of our budget.