Dear Prudence,
I think a white lie is innocuous and useful for navigating life. My dilemma is figuring out whether a white lie changes color as it scales up. I am looking for a new job, and I had a three-day trip to Miami to attend a conference and meet with someone who would be in attendance. I made arrangements with my wife for her to assume all kid duties (one 15-year-old girl). I paid for the trip, and my wife and daughter planned a spa day while I’d be away.
Well, the contact couldn’t make it, and I had to cancel my conference registration (the organizer had comped my ticket, but I realized that was a conflict with my state job). Before I told my wife, and as I was about to cancel stuff, it occurred to me that it would be nice to be in Miami for a couple of days on my own. I’m only considering whether this is still a white lie because I’m pretty sure if I said I wanted to take a personal trip to Miami, there would be questions about why I’d want to go alone and not with her. It’s not something I’ve asked for before, and maybe I’m wrong. I know I should just communicate. But, again, going seems harmless. But is it?