ear Prudence,
I grew up with parents who fought all the time, but kept assuring me that everything was OK and this was normal for families—until it wasn’t, and they got divorced. We’ve all been really intentional about communicating our feelings since then, and I can definitely say that we’re in a much healthier place than we were. Case in point, my mom has gained a really wonderful, new husband. The two of them only fight rarely, and when they do disagree, they do everything right: communicating, taking time to cool off, speaking privately, and not taking their feelings out on me, and mutually affirming how much they love and respect each other, no matter what.
Right now, the problem is me. I’m a young adult, but whenever I’m home, it still stresses me the hell out whenever voices get raised. Even though I logically know that things are better and are being handled appropriately, I can’t shake the feeling of being a 5-year-old waiting in my room, wondering if I did something wrong.
To be fair, they know I’m affected and make sure to check on me and let me know they’re OK. But I’m torn between wanting to be open about these feelings and wanting to be able to maturely handle them on my own. It’s a bit embarrassing to be a stress crier as an adult, and it shouldn’t be their responsibility to comfort me when THEY’RE having a problem, right? It’s not like I can just ask them to never disagree. So how do I respond to these feelings independently? Is there a way I can acknowledge “Yeah, I’m going through something” to them without making it all about me?