No finders keepers

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I live next to a couple who have three kids—ages 9, 11, and 13—so it’s not infrequent that we have things like balls and other toys that end up on our side of the fence that separates our two yards. I’ve always just tossed whatever I find back over, but recently my wife has declared it is no longer our job, and the kids can consider anything that lands in our yard “as good as gone.” Yesterday, we had a basketball on our lawn. When the kids rang our bell to ask for it back, my wife told them “too bad” and shut the door in their faces. I got the ball out of the trash where she had thrown it and gave it back. As soon as she heard the ball bouncing again, she tore into me. I think her policy is excessively harsh and mean-spirited—our own kids (now grown) had more than a few instances where they had stuff end up in neighbors’ yards! Can I simply ignore her ridiculous decree?

levioosa

Why is she being such a dick? It's not like they're entering into your backyard illegally (and doing stuff like this is a surefire way to make sure a bunch of pre-teens and teens start doing that). But also...this is not the age group you want to make an enemy with. Hormonal swings, lack of maturity, resentment and lack of impulse control is not going to be your friend here. 

banana468

Casadena said:

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I live next to a couple who have three kids—ages 9, 11, and 13—so it’s not infrequent that we have things like balls and other toys that end up on our side of the fence that separates our two yards. I’ve always just tossed whatever I find back over, but recently my wife has declared it is no longer our job, and the kids can consider anything that lands in our yard “as good as gone.” Yesterday, we had a basketball on our lawn. When the kids rang our bell to ask for it back, my wife told them “too bad” and shut the door in their faces. I got the ball out of the trash where she had thrown it and gave it back. As soon as she heard the ball bouncing again, she tore into me. I think her policy is excessively harsh and mean-spirited—our own kids (now grown) had more than a few instances where they had stuff end up in neighbors’ yards! Can I simply ignore her ridiculous decree?

Not only should you ignore it you need to argue against it.

No, I don't think you should be constantly pushing things back to the other yard as your job, but her approach is not allowing kids to be kids.  What exactly is she proposing here?  

In all reality, the best solution is to build a fence if it's going to piss her off that much.  But if she keeps their things I think you'll have bigger issues on your hands.

ILoveBeachMusic

What happened to being neighborly? Too many people can't handle the small stuff in this world. My grandsons constantly kick balls into the neighbor's front yards and go get them (they try not to but kids are kids). Sometimes in the backyard a ball goes over the fence. Either SIL or DD go ask to retrieve it since the kids are still young but that will probably change soon.

downtondiva

Sure, it's a bit annoying, but balls and other toys landing in your yard is a pretty typical part of suburban life. Your wife is overreacting, and I think you should tell her so and let her know that you are not going along with her new "policy." 

ei34

My kids don't even ask the nextdoor neighbors' if they can go into their yard to grab a ball, they just go into the yard and 3 seconds later, are back in our yard  I frequently toss balls/toys over the fence from our neighbors behind us when they accidentally end up in our yard.  Your wife definitely needs to relax.