Dear Prudence,
I married my best friend last year. I don’t mean in the sense of “my wife is my best friend!” I mean that we got legally married for insurance purposes (and for a bit). She’s my most important person, even though we feel absolutely no romantic interest in each other, and we live together with pets. I would happily stay platonically married forever if it continues to make sense for us. I don’t know if I’m definitely asexual, but I don’t crave romance or sex the way other people do—I think my needs are being met, as are hers. Probably “queerplatonic” is the closest description, but I don’t feel particularly drawn to the label.
My question is, what do I call her to other people? Our friends and close family obviously know the situation, but my job is public-facing, and we live in a smallish city. At the pharmacy, or the doctor, or the DMV, she’s my wife—it just makes the most sense in terms of efficiency. With people I don’t know well, I’ve been sticking with “best friend” or “roommate” because it’s true, but it also feels like it underplays her importance in my life. I’ve been toying with the idea of saying “partner” and just letting people make of that what they will, but I do think it implies romance. On the other hand, she is my literal, legal wife, and the fact that we’re not smooching is really no one’s business, right?