Need to VENT (long post)

abramlett79

So my mom wants to invite everyone she meets in passing to the wedding....as in the kids that work at the Starbucks she and my grandmother go to. I really don't want them there and she basically told me off last night and pretty much said she can do whatever she wants since they are paying for it all.I'm paying for what I can. I really don't make that much money. I'm paying for my cake, invitations, my dress, BM dresses, accessories and helping FI save for our HM. I couldn't pick the site that I wanted so I ended up going with my mom's suggestion. I would like to pick a florist that has some wedding experience. My mom is dead set on using some girl that works at the local Kroger she shops at (she does some pretty stuff, but I don't know about wedding flowers). My mom is defending my dad now even though 2 weeks ago he told her I should call everything off and that I couldn't have picked a worse time to plan a wedding. She says he was just in a bad mood.I just feel like my mom isn't on my side at all lately, she doesn't even ask me what I think about something she just goes ahead and does it. She told the photographer we met with last night that we were definately going to book them! We hadn't even talked about cost and who will pay for it yet! She told my 2 little cousins (whom I have NEVER met) that they could be in my wedding without even asking me. She always shoots down my suggestions about the decor saying its too expensive, but she's the one who keeps adding to the guest list!The DJ we want to book is a little more than what we wanted to pay, but we like him a lot. My mom was dead set on me having a chocolate fountain that was going to cost $400! I told her that money could go towards the DJ. It seems like only whatever she suggests is OK for the wedding and she's acting like it's just her day not mine. I feel like she's planning her own wedding because she didn't get to have what she wanted at hers.It is IMPOSSIBLE to talk to my mom about what I think because she gets defensive and says I'm being too emotional. She had the nerve last night to ask me if it was close to that time of the month because I was overacting. She even started laughing at me.Am I being a total bridezilla???

Zurita1123

Its YOUR day, at the end of the day, family and friends will have to just suck it up!you do what you feel is best for you, and your mom will have to go and deal it one way or another.

Nanner22

I'm very sorry you are going through all of this. These type of things happen to a lot of girls when they aren't paying for the wedding. I would have a serious talk with your mom and dad. And just talk to them about your concerns. Let them know that although they have offered to pay for the wedding- that's its still very important that you and your FI have things primarily the way you prefer.Depending how that conversation goes- I would consider the type of wedding that you and your FI could afford to pay for. I know you say you dont make a lot. But you in the end need to decide whats more important- having a big dream wedding (that you have no control over), or having a small wonderful affair that you have entire control over.::sry again::

susanasu

Wait, why does she want the Starbucks employees at the wedding, that seems really odd to me and a total waste of money, when the Starbucks employees quit working there they won't keep in touch with your mom. Good wedding music is way more important (prob the most important) to throw a good party, not a chocolate fountain. Thats the stuff people won't remember, they will remember dancing and having fun. If you have bad music nobody will dance, they will probably just get bored and leave early. Can you not pay for the bm dresses and get the DJ you like? Or explain that to your mom?I don't think you're being a zilla at all! Sorry you are having a rough time.

STBMrsMartin

No, you are not being a bridezilla. It is YOUR day not hers. My parents helped us out a little bit in paying for the wedding. They just told us how much they were going to give us and then we could use it on whatever we liked. I think that route worked out the best. Because we didn't have them judging us if we chose a DJ who they thought would be a little more or chose flowers that cost a little less. You should sit down with your parents and talk about budget and itemize everything. Who is going to pay what and how much you want to spend on each vendor. This is your day. You only have it once. Get what you want! She had her turn.

abramlett79

Thanks girls for the support!I got home this evening and the first thing out of my mom's mouth was "I want this song and this song and this song played".....LOL, it's all music me and my FI hate.She also mentioned the Kroger florist.....all I can do is laugh at her comments now.

Nanner22

oh geez louise. I'm so sorry girl. Hey leave your email here and I'll send you my florists information. Shes great and very affordable.I'm about to leave. But I'll send it either tonight or tomorrow.

MdniteMustang00

i felt like my mom wanted to live through my day too. and she WASNT paying for it. i ignored her.

jmo2187

No, you are not being a bridezilla, not in the least. This is your big day and I am so sorry that your mom doesn't see it this way yet. I hope that she comes around. I suggest you sit her down and calmly discuss this with her. Yes, she is paying for the wedding but if she continues to invite everyone she see's she will be paying for it for a while.

abramlett79

Ah, if only I could pay for everything myself. If I had started a year ago, I probably could have.Nanner - my email is alb479 at yahoo dot comThanks! :-)

sweet__pea

Ditto what the previous posters said.  You need to seriously sit down w/your parents and let them know how you feel.  If you really want to have control over this wedding and you don't make that much money, then downsize to what you CAN afford.Remember, a wedding isn't about all the glitz and glory, it's about you and your FI being happy! 

janie2002

I agree with Nanner, think about what is more important for you and your FI, if you want to make the decisions and have control over it then make it a smaller affair. Your mom obviously thinks since she is paying she has the final say, which is true to a certain extent. If you decide to keep the wedding how it is and not pay for it, then just adjust to the idea that this is how it is going to be and enjoy it as much as possible. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too.

abramlett79

I think ALL brides should be able to have their cake and eat it too......within reason. Unfortunately, my mom has become very unreasonable. This has been a sudden change because when we first started planning, she was great. Lots of things have changed since then...I've decided to ignore her quirks and if there's something I want total control over (like the DJ), then I'm going to pay for it. I may pass out from the long hours I'll have to work, but so be it! My wedding can't get much smaller than what it already is, so making it a smaller affair won't work.If I go any smaller it's going to be me and my FI in Hawaii getting married on the beach with NO one else :-)And if it comes to that, oh well......I'll still be happy, which is what really matters.

janie2002

So then go ahead eat your cake, and work to pay the difference between what your mom is willing to pay and the cost of what you want, like you said you are going to. That was easy.

Nanner22

I think that sounds like a great option. I know that really sucks if you weren't planning to pay for it. But you'll make it work. And maybe if you spend less than expected on certain things then you'll be able to redistrubute some funds :)I'm sending the florist info momentarily!