Stuck between changing my Maid Of Honnor

pringletocreech

My maid of honnor isnt avalible to help me out with any of my wedding plans so another bridesmaid is helping me out. Ive been thinking maybe I should have my bridesmaid be my MOH instead since she's helping me out, but I feel like its wrong. What shoudl I do?

robsco

Does your MOH understand her role or do you think that maybe she just doesn't care or have the time?

monkeysip

The MOH's duties are to buy a dress and show up on time.

You can't get upset if she doesn't do more than that.  You didn't choose her so that you can have help with the wedding, but to honor her as your friend, right?

You and your fiance plan the wedding.  Not your bridal party.

It's nice that your bridesmaid is helping you, but you can't replace your MOH.  That could be a friendship ending move.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_stuck-between-changing-maid-of-honnor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:121Discussion:1a271033-f094-48ae-8af6-58b8909b64d4Post:8166b967-247d-4aa6-959b-e2e35699d545">Re: Stuck between changing my Maid Of Honnor</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOH's duties are to buy a dress and show up on time. You can't get upset if she doesn't do more than that.  You didn't choose her so that you can have help with the wedding, but to honor her as your friend, right? You and your fiance plan the wedding.  Not your bridal party. It's nice that your bridesmaid is helping you, but you can't replace your MOH.  That could be a friendship ending move.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

This.  Being your MOH is an honor, not a responsibilty.

MdniteMustang00

you can't take the MOH title away from her (well, you can technically but no, bad idea). but what you can do, is make your friend that's helping you ALSO MOH. I originally had my sister as my MOH and my best friend is the one that helped me, so i just named them both maid of honors. no biggie.

vpine

I wouldn't change my MOH, technically she just has to show up in her dress and give speech, the other things: planning bachelorette party, going dress shopping or vendor meetings is nice but not required.

pringletocreech

I feel like she dosnt see how important this is.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_stuck-between-changing-maid-of-honnor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:121Discussion:1a271033-f094-48ae-8af6-58b8909b64d4Post:a6aa84b8-a799-45d9-8f3d-0933c90f8a38">Re: Stuck between changing my Maid Of Honnor</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like she dosnt see how important this is.
Posted by pringletocreech[/QUOTE]

How important is it?

The sooner you understand that nobody cares about your wedding as much as <em>you</em> do, the happier you'll be.  You friend has her own life.  Maid of Honor or not, it's not her job to drop everything and be your servant.

t12ubeauty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_stuck-between-changing-maid-of-honnor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:121Discussion:1a271033-f094-48ae-8af6-58b8909b64d4Post:cad76712-755c-4987-aef7-b70e6db336d3">Re: Stuck between changing my Maid Of Honnor</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't change my MOH, technically she just has to show up in her dress and give speech, the other things: planning bachelorette party, going dress shopping or vendor meetings is nice but not required.
Posted by vpine[/QUOTE]



I agree mostly that the MOH's job is not to help out with planning the actual wedding, but I think she should plan the bachleorette party and bridal shower (well along with the rest of your BM). So no do not change your MOH unless she isn't actually interested in being the MOH.

Soon2bMrsGski

to me it's just a title. It seems maybe you had higher expectations for her which can be a bummer that she's maybe not helping more, but she's really not required to. It's awesome that your other BM is willing to help you so much. I would definately keep her as your MOH unless she is just really not wanting to have that kind of part in your day.

AriesAngel86

It is important... to you. Maybe she has other things going on, or she just isn't into wedding stuff. You chose her as Maid of Honor (hopefully) because of your relationship to her, not for what she can do to help with your wedding. 

lewisc2002

i would make sure she is planning to make a speech - that would be awkward if she doesn't prepare that. 

My sister was my MOH, but she had so much going on (pregnant with her second and working full-time) that my MIL actually helped me more. My sister was still honored to be my MOH and did everything perfectly the day of, but I didn't have a bachelorette party (we discussed and agreed on this beforehand so i wasn't disappointed) and not much else outside the wedding day. You just need to talk to her and reconcile your expectations with what she feels she can reasonably do.

[Deleted User]

She doesnt understand "how important this is" b/c its not HER WEDDING. its yours. She owes you nothing other than to show up on time and be there for you when she is available. Asking someone to turn their life upside down to be at your every beck and call seem irrational. Like PP said, its your wedding. It would be pretty rude to just switch her out, but again-- this is your wedding. Just realize what you are asking for.

sinderella2000

I experienced this with my wedding. My matron of Honor wanted to be in control of the WHOLE Bridal party, then towards the endjust wanted to say what all she did even though it was equal to everybody's contributions. Needless to say it was alot more that went on within the wedding and rather than me make a hasty decision that I would later make after the wedding, I just changed her dress color to let her know I knew what was going on and to let her know she would no longer be seperatly noticed as anyone special to mel. She caused alot of mess and gossip between the girls, questioned how I did things within the wedding, and did a lot of pouting. I did not understand what was going on. My sister was my Maid of Honor and I to agree with the earlier comment that a MOH is just that..a HONOR. So it is a guideline within that title to be helpful. You learn alot about people when you are planning a day so special in your life. My wedding planning was great and fun with my husband. My Bridal party is who drove me to kicking them all out the wedding. My advice is do what makes YOU stress free at the end of teh day and YES YOU CAN cancel anybody out the wedding or CHANGE titles if YOU want to.

fordever

I would say to not change her out for someone else but just don't expect too much out of her.  Don't even consider her doing anything on the day of your wedding other than maybe holding your bouquet & doing a toast....that's it!