No help...I need to vent-Sorry

tjw2011

Hi fellow Knotties,
I'm so overwhelmed with this planning process for this wedding.  I'm getting married on June 18, 2011.  I was just wondering should my BM's and MOH'S be offering help with my wedding.  I feel like they should, however, I'm unsure if I'm just overreacting.  No one is asking where things stand or how things are coming along.  One of my MOH's is kind of tossing ideas around but the other MOH keeps saying she doesn't know how to do things wedding related.  She keeps saying that when she gets married, we will see how she does it because she will go to court to get married.  My MOH that's willing to help is saying that she is using that as an excuse.  I plan to DIY a lot of things for the wedding to cut costs, although I'm not crafty at all.  I'm so upset right now I don't know what to do.  I feel like I shouldn't let people be in my wedding and get "shine" if they don't put in the work it takes to be a BM or MOH.  They should be my support system right now-at least that's what I thought. 

Am I being unreasonable and expecting too much from them?  Is your BP helping with things?

Your honest opinion is appreciated.

mtsookasem

I know what you mean, and it sucks! I was in my friend's wedding in April, and I asked her to be my bridesmaid as well. I did so much for her wedding (without her asking me), so I expected the same in return. She barely asks me how it's coming or what she can do to help.

I have come to realize that some people just need to be told or asked to do things... That they don't take it upon themselves to just do things. Does that make sense? I understand that you're upset with them because they are not meeting your expectations, but try taking charge. Begin assigning tasks, or if you're uncomfortable with that - simply ask them. If at this point, they are still not willing to help - then I don't know what to tell you.

akg0053

While on the one hand I see where you're coming from, you need to understand two things: one, that nobody is or will be as excited about your wedding as you, and secondly, the only real duty that's required of any attendants is to stand up there at your wedding. Anything else is bonus. Showers, a bac. party, helping out with projects... just bonus.

If you ask them to do something and they flat out refuse to do it that's one thing. Them not jumping up to help you out with every aspect is another. 

I know this is blunt, and probably a little harsh, but it's the truth. 

tjw2011

I understand that some people need to be told to do something, however, whenever speaking with my MOH, she makes up excuses before even knowing what the task is.  I understand no one is going to be excited about the wedding more than me.

Just needed to vent-thanks for the input...

KBaker421

well if that is the worst of your problems you are doing ok.  Over the past year of planning my wedding, i have had many up's and downs with my bridesmaids. 
if they don't want to help plan, that's fine, but i have some of my girls who have been nothing but a headache throughout the whole process.
one of my girls threw a fit because i was thinking of having them in short dresses and she hates her legs
i have another girl who wants to wear her bridesmaids dress the month before in another wedding she was asked to be in
i sometimes wish there were a select few of my girls that i had never even asked.
if I knew then what i know now...

tjw2011

I agree with you about wishing I had never asked some of them to be in the wedding.  They are causing nothing but headaches and perhaps should have been hostesses or people to pass out programs or something! LOL

marissa7887

I know the process can be very frustrating and your expectaions often come short in reality.  No one but you is aware of you want or need unless you tell them.  I found that being extremely blunt and straightfoward helped me during my planning.  I would suggest you try to point blank ask your BP for help...."I need help, can you help me with...such and such?"  If they give you any drama, lol, tell them it is not about them and you are overwhelmed.  If all else fails....don't give them an option, just delegate, but do try to remeber that your feelings are more envoved than theirs because it is your wedding;-)

LindaL81

That's terrible!  They should be there to support you in this!  I'm sorry, hun.  DIY weddings can be GORGEOUS, but require a lot of work, including that of your bridal party.  You should talk to them about how this is making you feel.  grrrr... I am so frustrated for you!

vintagechik

Oh no so sorry to hear, maybe you have a crafty friend who would be more than happy to help?