Wedding Dilemma!

REB1003

My family and my fiance's family are totally different.  Mine likes to drink and dance and his is very conservative.  We are not having alcohol at our wedding, because neither of us drink.  The wedding is at 12pm also.  People won't miss it much.. i think. Well it has been brought to my attention that FI doesnt  want there to be dancing at the wedding for Religion purposes.. With his side being conservative, he said they would be upset and all this stuff. And he himself sticks to his values.  I have never been to a dance free wedding, so it never crossed my mind that no dancing was a possibility.. I just didnt think about it.. So.. with that being said.  Have you guys ever been to a dance free wedding? What does one do to fill the void of dancing? and for a bit of background info FI doesnt dance. and I really don't either.. i mean i can slow dance, but i really don't dance otherwise.. lol.. I definitely need some advice with this one! Thanks ladies! 

erollis

Yes I have been to a dance free wedding. It was a very short reception. Very short. Especially since it was cake and punch and no meal. The B&G cut the cake, had a first dance (I think), she tossed the bouquet, and him the garter, opened gifts and left. There was no music and the silence was deafening to quite a few of us. Background music is nice. Especially if there is a lul in the  conversation.

Have some nice music playing in the background (big band and Christian rock maybe? Not sure what you listen to.) That way there isn't dead silence. I would have space for a small dance floor. You cant stop people from dancing if they really want to if there is music.

What you could do:
Grand entrance of wedding party or receiving line with bride and groom
Eat a 3 course meal (apps, soup/salad & main dish)
Toasts & speeches from dads & wedding party (use sparkling grape juice)
First dance (as man and wife)
Cut cake (and eat it)
Bouquet Toss
Garter Toss
Exit stage right (and enjoy your first night as husband and wife)

Nutmeg37

I have been to one where after dinner they showed a slide show. They started off with pictures of the bride and groom as kids, including friends and family, and then transitioned to pictures of them together. I thought this was a nice way to fill the void and people enjoyed looking for pictures of themselves.

[Deleted User]

I went to a dance free wedding. It was not my cup of tea, nor the rest of our family's (both sides). But it was what both the bride and groom wanted and we all knew about their religion and such. There weren't many happy campers in regards to that (and the fact that it was a dry wedding) but! we all showed up and respected the bride and groom's wishes.


I feel that in YOUR wedding, it should be about BOTH of you. That being said, part of being married is joining two families. You're not having alcohol to favor both your wishes and his family's wishes, but now you're also favoring his family's beliefs b/c you dont want to offend them? It just seems like its turning into "what his family wants" more than what you both want type of thing. Maybe a compromise can be reached as far as the type of music to be played? only have a "dance" session for an hr after dinner and then call it a day?

lewisc2002

Agree with the above post.

 I've been to a dance-free wedding but there was music and they put a red sox game on in the next room (we're from boston), so that's where people ended up after the cake. it was kind of divisive in that the older people stayed at their tables and talked and the younger men watched the game, and the women had nothing to do but drink and chat. i like the slideshow idea.

suze423

I've been to a dance free wedding before.   It was at Second Baptist Church and was a total snooze-fest.  I can't remember if there was music playing (this was 10 years ago)  but I don't think so. They had punch and appetizers, no alcohol (the bride was only 20 but I doubt there would have been alcohol anyway) and didn't do any of the typical wedding stuff - no bouquet and garter toss, no bride and groom cake cutting.  Bride and groom were off in a small room that people could go into and chat with them...a receiving line of sorts.  That was pretty much it.

I also like the slideshow idea and I think you should have some background music.  Maybe you could just have a first dance as husband and wife.

erollis

I 4th the slide show! I say this would be a nice thing to have. Plus if some of your guests don't know you or your fiance that well (ex: old high school friend that lives out of town) it gives them a chance to get to know you better. Those who do know both of you well (ex: parents) a chance to reminisce. How fun!

jessienjeremy

I haven't been to one but I will be going to one in december.  Due to religion they are only having a cake and punch reception in the church afterwards... Kinda strange cause the groom loves to dance and party but the brides parents are VERY strict.  I think there should be a compromise. 

jobie02

No booze and no dancing, do not expect people to stay.  Sorry, but this is the truth...

miriellegirl

If you aren't having alcohol or dancing I would cut the food and make it a cake and punch reception. Either way most people are just going to eat and leave as soon as they can.

REB1003

the reception is only about 3 1/2 hours. and i do want to have background music.  we are planning on having mariachis too. (tradition. lol) and watching them perform is always fun.. so i figure that may take up some time.. and a photobooth will also be there.. i like the slideshow idea.. the "dry" reception was also agreed by my parents also.. because of the costs and the fact that it was noon time.. it wasn't a big deal to them either.. but I am agreeable to coming to more of a compromise.. its not like people will be getting crazy or anything...

AwayWeGo08

I've been to a dance and alcohol free wedding and it was fine. It was a huge wedding so everyone just ate, talked and mingled. If that is what you want then go for it

suze423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_wedding-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:121Discussion:c194cb90-eaab-49bd-8278-b94e5719f9afPost:1d6a6a7b-6119-4bfc-84f1-3d6d828633fb">Re: Wedding Dilemma!</a>:
[QUOTE]No booze and no dancing, do not expect people to stay.  Sorry, but this is the truth...
Posted by jobie02[/QUOTE]

I don't necessarily agree with this... After all, people are there to celebrate your and your fiance's marriage.  Unless your guests are all just rude I would think they would want to stay regardless.  Plus, it sounds like you'll have enough going on to keep people's interest. 

Are the guests aware that there won't be any alcohol?  My cousin got married last year and her side of the family is all very religious so we assumed there wouldn't be any alcohol served and brought flasks.  Not saying your guests should do that but it worked for us.

kayleighe

if most of the people coming don't drink/dance anyway, then I don't think people will "just eat and leave."

you can do a lot of fun things. I would make sure it's a VERY casual wedding though. Outside would be best. Have games and fill the time. Make sure there is a lot for guests to do. A receiving line takes a lot of time and it's a good way to keep guests there.

I agree with making it just cake and punch, unless you made it more like a family cookout. people go to functions like that all the time where there isn't alcohol or dancing. my parents don't allow drinking at their house but we ALWAYS have a good time with friends and family.

one fun idea I saw recently... the food setup with buffet and each table had to come up with a song that had "LOVE" in the chorus and someone had the table had to stand up and sing it so their table could go get food. that's very interactive and it made guests get to know each other. there was LOTS of chatter after that.

don't get discouraged!!

aricherry

almost all weddings that I have attended have been dance free and alcohol free.  Most of these were people from my church.  This could be why I have never really enjoyed weddings, because IMO weddings like that are not fun for me.  HOWEVER, my wedding will be the same way.  Many PPs have given great ideas on how to fill the time.  Try to have background music if you can.  In my case, I am the one who has the conservative family and they would be offended if we had dancing or alcohol.  My hubby's family is more open and so is he.  I am open too, but I am going to respect my parents.  

With that being said, I am thinking of still having a toast and a first dance.  I think the slide show idea is good, and so is the full course meal.  Also just try to keep the reception short and sweet.  This was one of my biggest issues.  I didn't want to bore people or have people leaving early because of the dry reception and no dancing.  It ends up that My reception will be on a yacht so it will be hard for people to leave anyway.  Good Luck.   

zhazha89

I think the mariachi band would be great! We are having a noon wedding and are planning on having a live rock/swing/jazz band so even if people don't dance, they at least have a show!