Ceremony Help, please

adzell

I'm getting married in April. I just got off the phone with my officiant, whom I hired in October/November. She told me that we can meet with her once I get the marriage license, which can be no sooner than 30 days before the wedding! I feel like that is CRUNCH TIME and that meeting my officiant for the first time should happen sooner. I guess I was just expecting more help/guidance out of her.

For some reason, I feel like everyone expects that I know what I'm doing and I've done this before!! I have never been married!  I don't know what I need to do to get married. I don't mean bridesmaids, cake, or flowers. I mean marriage license, name changes, and anything else! 

So, now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Any advice on planning for the ceremony, and what legal actions I must take before then would be GREATLY appreciated.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:6a0513f5-64e6-4f29-b3ac-a984d3aefc62Post:18d2940c-c1b8-4f19-8e71-b1453286b23f">Ceremony Help, please</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married in April. I just got off the phone with my officiant, whom I hired in October/November. She told me that we can meet with her once I get the marriage license, which can be no sooner than 30 days before the wedding! I feel like that is CRUNCH TIME and that meeting my officiant for the first time should happen sooner. I guess I was just expecting more help/guidance out of her. For some reason, I feel like everyone expects that I know what I'm doing and I've done this before!! I have never been married!  I don't know what I need to do to get married. I don't mean bridesmaids, cake, or flowers. I mean marriage license, name changes, and anything else!  So, now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Any advice on planning for the ceremony, and what legal actions I must take before then would be GREATLY appreciated.
Posted by adzell[/QUOTE]

Okay. Calm Down. Deep Breath. You aren't paying your officiant to be your wedding planner, you are paying her to legally perform your ceremony.

Go on the County Clerk's website for the county you are getting married in. People get married every single day, so it's very likely they have step-by-step information on the website for you. If not, they most certainly will have a phone number you can call for information.

adzell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:6a0513f5-64e6-4f29-b3ac-a984d3aefc62Post:93895d3c-7aec-4a4b-a9ae-77a0ecbe0eaa">Re: Ceremony Help, please</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Ceremony Help, please : Okay. Calm Down. Deep Breath. You aren't paying your officiant to be your wedding planner, you are paying her to legally perform your ceremony.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You are right, itzMS. I guess I just had an idea in my head of how things would go down, and that's just not how it's going to be. She is not a priest or minister. </div><div>
</div><div>Is a marriage license the only thing I need to "seal the deal"?

</div>

OliveOilsMom

You only need the marriage license to "seal the deal".  If your officiant won't meet with you prior to having it.  I would get it as soon as possible, once you enter the valid time frame.  We ended up getting ours 2 weeks before our wedding, just for work schedule issues.  But we didn't need to give it to our priest until our rehearsal at the church 2 days before the wedding.

As for your name change, I waited until I received my marriage license in the mail.  I needed to order the official copies from the town clerk where we were married, it did not come automatically.  Some states do it by county, others by town.  Once that arrived, I went to the local social security office to get it changed first with the feds.  Then once my new ss card came, I went to the DMV and started changing my bank accounts, utilities, etc. 

adzell

[QUOTE]You only need the marriage license to "seal the deal".  If your officiant won't meet with you prior to having it.  I would get it as soon as possible, once you enter the valid time frame.  We ended up getting ours 2 weeks before our wedding, just for work schedule issues.  But we didn't need to give it to our priest until our rehearsal at the church 2 days before the wedding. As for your name change, I waited until I received my marriage license in the mail.  I needed to order the official copies from the town clerk where we were married, it did not come automatically.  Some states do it by county, others by town.  Once that arrived, I went to the local social security office to get it changed first with the feds.  Then once my new ss card came, I went to the DMV and started changing my bank accounts, utilities, etc. 
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you so much! That helps tremendously, and eases my heart. Deep breaths.</div>

Avion22

Just in case there is any confusion, usually you need your marriage CERTIFICATE to change your name.  In some states this is the same piece of paper as the license, once it has been signed by the officiant and stamped by the clerk.  In some states this is a completely separate piece of paper.  Regardless, you don't get this until AFTER the wedding, and sometimes you might need to wait as much as a few weeks to get certified copies.   You can't start changing your name until you get this.

To change your name, start at the SS office.  Call them to see what you need to bring (old SS card, some kind of identification probably, marriage license, etc).  They will order you a new SS card and give you a new "temporary" card (printout) to use until your new one shows up in the mail.  Once you do that, you can change your Driver's License, bank card, etc.   You can also submit your passport for a name change.  

Because the name change can take a few weeks, if you plan on taking a honeymoon inside of about a month after your wedding, you should book any plane tickets in your MAIDEN NAME, then make sure you don't change your name at all until you get back.  You don't want to mess with TSA when it comes to having the right name on your tickets/identification.   Trust me on this one:-)

crrosselli

I can't offer any advice regarding the officiant and what to expect there as a friend is marrying us, but as far as changing your name I have bought gift cards to the site MissnowMrs.com for multiple friends as bridal shower gifts, and they all said it made the process of changing their name so much easier. It's only $25, but it helps fill out all the paperwork, tells you exactly what you need and where to send it, and walks you through the entire process. It would be worth checking out to ease some of your anxiety about the process. Hopt that helps!