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Sister Dilemma *Kinda Long*

So, I need some advice. I am the youngest of three girls. I am the first one to graduate from college, and the first one to get married. My sisters and I had a less than ordinary childhood and it kind of made our relationships strained.

 

I originally wanted both of my sisters to be bridesmaids because I wanted to try and make our relationship stronger, but my oldest sister pushed me over the edge a month or so ago. We went on a family vacation to see my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s and she showed up the airport drunk. Not only did she show up drunk, but she had pawned her son off on my mother so that she could “pack” for the trip. So when we tried to be nice she lied was deceptive.

 

Then while we were on the trip she was consistently rude to everyone. She made me cry everyday of the trip and even threatened to “kick my a**” if I kept telling her son to get off the rails at Niagara Falls. The final night we were in town, we were leaving for the airport at 4:00am, so we all decided we would stay in rather than go out to a local bar. She deemed that three nights of partying wasn’t enough so she went out even though everybody asked her to stay. My uncle told her that his doors would be locked when she got home and that she was unwelcome. She then deemed it acceptable to cuss him out even though he let us stay at his house the whole trip.

 

After the trip I decided that she had proven herself unreliable and that I didn’t want her in the wedding party. Now my mom is trying to convince me to talk to her and try to work stuff out, but I still feel that she will ruin my wedding. It sounds so cold-hearted to say that, but she has destroyed a lot of important days of my life with her attitude and conceitedness and I want my day to be mine, and perfect.

 

So what do I do? Give her a chance and hope that she proves me wrong, or do I stick with my gut and tell her that she has proven herself to not be dependable? My heart really wants her to be a part of the wedding party because she is my sister, but my head tells me that she will be nothing but trouble.

 

Have any of ya’ll had this issue? Any suggestions? I am so confused as to what to do.

And now we are as one
Married February 20, 2011


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Re: Sister Dilemma *Kinda Long*

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    loop0406loop0406 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't have any sisters but I decided on not having a wedding party to avoid drama and stress. I think it's going to be your day and if you're not happy with her being in wedding party, then you shouldn't have her be a part of it. You say that she "has destroyed a lot of important days with her attitude and conceitedness" so I would have her be a regular guest at the wedding & not let her attitude ruin another important day
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    STBMrsMartinSTBMrsMartin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If your gut feeling says no then I would go with your gut. My gut was always right. When it came to things like that. An event won't change who she is as person. You don't need the added stress of babysitting someone or someone being rude to you. It's your & Fi's day. You don't need that.

    Just keep in mind she will be present at the wedding even though she is not in the wedding party so she might still be herself that you described. At least she won't be around you as much as the wedding party which will help.
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    akg0053akg0053 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand where you're coming from. The only thing I can really say is that even if she's not part of your wedding party, it's entirely possible she will still be a giant b!tch about everything. Every time you're doing something wedding party related with your other sister, every time you try to talk to your mom about something going on with your wedding and she happens to overhear, you're probably going to get the same attitude.

    With that being said, it sounds like no matter what you do she's going to find a way to make it into something she can take issue with. If she were in your wedding party, she'd have issues with the dresses, the cost of the dress, or whatever.

    So, it's up to you really. What part of her attitude can you deal with better? If you can deal with her attitude about not being in your wedding party easier than you can deal with the "issues" she would invent about your wedding as a bridesmaid, I would exclude her. Plus, she might (and this is just speculation) feel that she has a "right" to be in your WP as a sister, and that's incorrect. If it were mine I'd leave her out, at least initially to show her that she will be left out if her behavior is that bad.
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    PJS001PJS001 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks alot ladies. I really apprecite it. It is hard to make a decision about this without looking at it from a different prespective and you all have really helped. It just sucks to be put into this position and be made to look like the bad guy, but I think I am making the right decision by not putting her in the party.

    Thank You!

    And now we are as one
    Married February 20, 2011


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    afrances52385afrances52385 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I really do know what you are going through, niether one of my sisters are in my bridal party.  One sister is like yours...OMG!!! I don't even want her there but I'll be nice and invite her...only her. None of her stupid friends.  The other sister, well we both butt heads a lot, and I just don't feel like dealing with that stress.  Don't worry about looking like a bad guy, your not.  You're  doing all you can to make your wedding the happiest day, as it should be.  You and your fiance deserve that.  I hope all is well, and its ok to think about yourself every once in awhile.  YOU DESERVE IT!!!


    I hope you have a wonderful life with your fiance.

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