Do I take his last name?

angelamk39

I recently went through a divorce after being married for 19 years.  It was a sometimes miserable but mostly "just content" marriage.  I was always known as Mrs. Blah-Blah because my ex had a position of power in both of our fields (we worked at the same place).  So I was thrilled to take my maiden name which is very simple and easily pronounced - compared to my previous married name which was impossible to spell and even harder to pronoucne.  My fiance's last name is long, hard to pronounce, & difficult to spell.  He has an ex-wife that kept his name.  Also, I've built my own reputation in my field now with my new name.  Am I wrong to want to keep my simple last name?   Just the thought of having to change EVERYTHING again is mind-boggling and nauseating.  Boy, I sound selfish.   I DO NOT want to hurt him though.  I've promised him unconditional love & support and I feel like if I don't take his name that I'm knifing him in the gut!  Opinions?  Advice?

applesandoranges

What does he say about you keeping your name?  My husband would have his feelings hurt if I didn't take his last name, but would eventually have been ok about it had it been something he would have known my stance early on, but I always wanted to take it, so it was a mute point with us.  I don't think it is selfish, everyone is different.  It doesn't mean you love him any less.

angelamk39

He says he understands but I get the feeling that he understands but REALLY wants me to have his last name.  We have been through a lot to finally be together so I'm sure he sees it has a milestone.   I know it is a pride thing with him, which I understand. 

lewisc2002

i kept my maiden name b/c i have built my career on that name - my husband really did understand (plus, his last name is hard to spell and way longer). now that we're expecting our first child, i asked him whether we should use my maiden name as the baby's middle name and he reminded me that my maiden name is also my married name. Other than that, he has never brought it up.

it's a really personal decision - i have colleagues who built their careers on their maiden names and changed anyway. It sounds like your FI would support you no matter what despite what his underlying preference may be. if you will feel guilty about this forever, it's worth the hassle to change it. 

MdniteMustang00

would it be possible for you take his last name legally and still go by your maiden name professionally?! Actors & singers do it all the time.  Besides, my work, STILL has my maiden name as my maiden name as my email address and my married name is considered an "alias" and i get emails sent to both addresses in one spot.

While i think it's perfectly ok to go ahead and keep your last name, or even hyphenate it...    i think what i mentioned above would be a nice compromise

pinkflirt

Maybe I'm selfish, but I say keep your name.  I was recently married & always knew that I would retain my maiden name.  Afterall, I made it this far on my name.  The other thing was that my husband is fine with it so there was no tension about it.

I say keep it.

emilyhar

If it hurts his feelings that you wont take his name then go ahead & do it.