Rehearsal Dinner

jbates926

I need help deciding who to invite to the rehearsal dinner. 

Our wedding is somewhat a "destination wedding." The wedding is just over a 4 hour drive at a minimum for everyone coming to the wedding, so everyone is from out of town. My future mother in law rented a house to have the rehearsal dinner at as we are just wanting to have a quaint little BBQ, nothing too fancy. Just to invite the key people (parents, siblings, bridal party and spouses and officiant) we are at 33. If we extend it to "immediate family" we up the number to almost 70 which I think is too many for the house/property that we have rented for this. 

I feel bad not inviting immediate family, as they have all traveled so far for the wedding. Is it rude not to invite them?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. 

AdeleDazeem

I think parents, siblings, bridal party, and officiant is fine.  Everyone that is involved with the rehearsal should be invited.

I'm confused on your definition of "immediate family," though.  To me, immediate family = parents and siblings.  Not aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... 

Also, I don't think a four hour drive equals a destination wedding.  A destination wedding is when people go to some far-fling location (like out of the country or some really resort-y/vacation place).  A four hour drive, for me, is just a wedding.  No need to stress out about any extra features.

Summer2011Bride

Ditto Joy on both points. I don't consider it a DW, and I don't understand what you mean by immediate family, as to me, that includes parents and siblings. I think immediate family, officiant and WP members (with SOs) is completely fine for a RD.

Jen6862

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_rehearsal-dinner-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:6ac062f7-ae44-4f32-947b-c1c5e6630b1aPost:6bd52779-8bfb-4238-bc0a-bc8ce520394e">Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help deciding who to invite to the rehearsal dinner.  Our wedding is somewhat a "destination wedding." The wedding is just over a 4 hour drive at a minimum for everyone coming to the wedding, so everyone is from out of town. My future mother in law rented a house to have the rehearsal dinner at as we are just wanting to have a quaint little BBQ, nothing too fancy. Just to invite the key people (parents, siblings, bridal party and spouses and officiant) we are at 33. If we extend it to "immediate family" we up the number to almost 70 which I think is too many for the house/property that we have rented for this.  I feel bad not inviting immediate family, as they have all traveled so far for the wedding. Is it rude not to invite them? Any thoughts would be appreciated. 
Posted by jbates926[/QUOTE]

We invited people who flew in from out of town, plus our wedding party and parents of course.

loca4pook

I thought etiquette stated "out of town" guests should also be invited to rehearsal dinner?

Of course, you don't have to follow that, but I am pretty sure that is what the "etiquette" says

Tanq&Tonic

I actually think 4 hours each way is significant enough of a distance that it would be nice to accomodate the guests beyond just the reception.  It doesn't have to be big and certainly doesn't have to be an invite to the rehearsal dinner, but something like drinks after the rehearsal dinner, a welcome bag, continental breakfast the next morning, etc would be very classy.  We had a true destination wedding (5 hour flight for most) and had a few extra activities, and the best part about it was the opportunity to spend more time with all of our guests during those few days.

vbjoanna

Our rehearsal dinner is family (all relations -- we both have very small families at this point), those who are helping us with the ceremony or other aspects of the wedding (we're not having a WP, but some friends are filling roles anyway), and "honorary family". That list is 33, but some folks will be arriving late and won't make the dinner. The day after the wedding, we're hosting a cookout at our host for family and all out of town guests. We just sent out evites for both of those (our wedding is Sept 1). Would have liked to have sent out those evites a week or two ago, but we were still tracking down some of those OOT guests and families. Hard to pick a location for a dinner if you don't know whether the count is 15 or 40!

And regarding whether yours is a DW (although it doesn't really matter for the question at hand, IMO) -- I live in central NC, and if we got married at the OBX or in the mountains, it would be a DW, IMO. We don't live there, no one we know lives there, and everyone would have to travel. Just because it's not "exotic" doesn't mean it's not a DW. But still, I think we'd have a rehearsal dinner limited to family and helpers, not all guests.