How to incorporate my children in my wedding

amycakesnm

My boyfriend and I will be getting married in December of 2011. At that time, my 4 boys will be 12, 11, 8 and 5. I am trying to get some ideas in how to include them in the wedding ceremony. My oldest has a severe stuttering issue so getting him to say anything is probably out of the question.

Any help would be appreciated.

handfast4me

IMO, the wedding ceremony is between the consenting adults.  While it's Ok to have the children as attendants, I'm not a big fan of the medallion ceremonies, or the vows to children.   We've had this discussion lots on the Second Weddings board.

Have you asked THEM how they want to be included? They may just want to be guests. 

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_incorporate-children-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:70e057ff-98c6-4651-acb4-2e51adab178cPost:95bf309b-117f-422e-b4a1-2442596a65fc">Re: How to incorporate my children in my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO, the wedding ceremony is between the consenting adults.  While it's Ok to have the children as attendants, I'm not a big fan of the medallion ceremonies, or the vows to children.   We've had this discussion lots on the Second Weddings board. Have you asked THEM how they want to be included? They may just want to be guests. 
Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

^^^ THIS!

I'm not a fan of children being in a wedding either. My suggestion is to maybe give them a special gift the night before at the rehearsal dinner and then just leave it at that. Nobody is going to question your love for your children if they don't actively participate in the wedding. You could also save a special dance for them at the recepetion and depending on the age you could have them be a ring bearer or stand up with you. but I've always thought its creepy when children are included anymore than that.

mgreene404

While involving your children too heavily could be potentially weird for them or guests as mentioned above, they are obviously an important part of your life.  It only seems right that they would be involved.  I think asking them would be a good idea.  Perhaps you could have them each bring a single flower to the front of the alter, or be candle lighters if you don't want to involve them a lot.  There are tons of ways to involve people in the ceremony, no matter who they are! 

trix1223

Have the 5 year old be the RB.  Have the 2 middle boys in the WP, either as GM, or as your attendants.  Have your oldest walk you down the aisle.  Or any variation of the above roles.

But please, don't have them make "vows" or participate in the actual ceremony.  A wedding ceremony is for you and your FI, 2 adults who have made the decision to share their lives together. 

Contrary to what some would have you believe, it is NOT about your children, who are along for the ride, because their mom is marrying their future step dad.

If you want to give them some kind of special gift, do it at the RD.  And at the ceremony, have them in their fancy attire, filling their roles.  Take a wonderful family picture.  Have a mother/son/son/son/son dance at the reception.

But nothing during the ceremony itself.  It's just not appropriate.

jedaniel

My friend has a daughter with her fiance and on the invitation they put something like "together with their daughter Jane". Something like that. You can google 'inculding children on invitations' and I think stuff comes up. Thats what they did.

jabby826

I think it is wonderful that you are looking to include all of your boys!

I am getting married next year in an outdoor ceremony at a country club.  I have 3 nephews 5,7,10 and my fiance has one who is 7.  We have no girls in the family and will not be having a flower girl.

I was stumped how to include them- we are having them walk down the aisle before me in pairs holding lit glass lanterns- of course lighting them with battery opperated tealights.  This way they feel like they are in the wedding without having a major role.

Hope this helps!

smcclain9986

We are having the children come pour sand with us in the sand ceremony. They are all pretty young excited because they get to pick their own color. We explained to them it is showing that we are all different, but now all a family. We plan to keep the vase with the sand in our living room.

FDSL2010

I have 3 children. My 10 yr old daughter is my Jr. MOH, my 8 yr. old son is the Jr. Best Man, and my 7yr old son is the RB along with my nephew. My fiancee and I are lighting a unity candle and then my children will light a family candle with us. My 8yr old son will read a passage out of the Bible and my daughter will sing during the ceremony. They are so excited to be included. They have also helped me make things for our wedding day too. Of course, my fiancee and I are uniting as one, but we are also uniting a family together.