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April 2012 Weddings

No Gift Guests

Did anyone have any wedding guests that didn't bring a gift? We had a few.  I'm not trying to sound materialistic or anything, but seriously ---you show up at a wedding, shouldn't bringing a gift be a no-brainer? (especially when we are paying $40 a head for food and liquor and you brought a date)  I understand if you are recently laid off, or don't have a lot of money or forgot a gift, etc. But i think some of the people were just free-loaders.
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Re: No Gift Guests

  • I didn't have that happen to me.  The one's who didn't bring a gift were expected not to bring one because I know thier situation.
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  • TBH, we haven't opened many of our gifts because H has been gone...

    I don't care who brought gifts, no offense, but a wedding does not equal gift. I invited the people because I wanted them to be a part of a special day, not because I wanted them to fork over a present....The gifts were just an added bonus.

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  • I got a few cards with "we'll send your gift when you get back from the honeymoon" and now it's been a month. I feel bad not sending a thank you, but don't want to be like "can't wait for that gift!" i don't know how to figure it out either...
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    Anniversary
  • We had a couple, and I didn't sweat any of them except my aunt, who gave us nothing.  It sounds bratty that I'm annoyed that she didn't get us a gift, but it's not because of the whole present aspect, it's because of the message she's sending.  She also asked my mom last week if me and "what's his face" are still happy (DH and I have only been together for, oh, 5 years).  She was *such* a biitch at the wedding I'm not sure why she came, TBH.  She sulked in the corner through the whole thing, never congratulated us, or danced, and called my BIL by the wrong name (he's been with my sister for 12 years, married for 3).  Whatever.  I invited her because she is family, but after these shenanigans (we've fought for years), I'm more convinced than ever that she's not worth my time.
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  • We had quite a few.  We didn't think it was a big deal - our wedding was in Florida...my family came from Nebraska and H's mostly came from Maryland.  I honestly didn't think that anyone would bring a gift just because of the trip everyone had to make to be there. We figure that them coming meant more to us than a gift would.  :)   

    I also sent a thank you card to everyone who came as well as those who sent gifts.  Gift or not, it meant so much that they shared our day with us. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_no-gift-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ac7be9d3-3497-4d4b-b795-4b5f5e8c990fPost:5a9be555-b857-4265-8f81-8b6f7e9a6bae">Re: No Gift Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]TBH, we haven't opened many of our gifts because H has been gone... I don't care who brought gifts, no offense, but a wedding does not equal gift. I invited the people because I wanted them to be a part of a special day, not because I wanted them to fork over a present....The gifts were just an added bonus.
    Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]

    <div align="left">It's not so much that i am expecting a gift. Its just one person keeps telling us they are going to send us a gift but they haven't. I'm to the point i don't really care, but don't keep telling us that you are going to when you really aren't. I've told them not to worry about it but they keep saying that they are going to mail us a gift.
    </div>
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  • We had a few who gave us a gift at the shower instead fo the wedding, and one pair of guests who didn't give us anything, even a card.  I did think it was tacky, but what can you do?  The guests who were generous made up for it.
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  • MCCRARYSCOTT:  I know what you mean about the guests who keep saying they're going to send a gift but haven't yet!  I don't really care if they get us anything or not, but the registry completion sale is coming up at BBB, and I really would rather not get two of anything.
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  • rlavachrlavach member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    We did have a few who didn't give gifts. None told me that they were going to send it after. I'm not taking it personal because everyone was really so generous that the fact that a handful didn't get us anything is just a drop in the bucket. I know I could never show up at a wedding empty handed, though. At least a card. Come on, people.

    There was one that kind of bothered me a bit. He has 3 kids (16-18yo), one of which is in the military. He RSVPd yes for all of them. Of course, I had my doubts about the 1 in the army, but I took his word for it & I paid the final non-refundable amount. Then 2 days before the wedding he tells my mom that this son can't come. Great! Oh, and his daughter can't also because she has a game. Fantastic! Then on the day, the 3rd doesn't show up b/c he had something else to do. Awesome! So forgetting about the cost of the centerpiece & favor & everything else that is needed, just the catering was $65.5pp after a lot of haggling. So that was almost $200 gone right there...then no gift or even card. What can I do. Some people just aren't considerate! 
  • mdphdmdphd member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    Ditto AmandaSC!!!

    a couple of my friends came without gifts.  One is in a tight money situation and has kids.  The other flew in from the Philippines.  Honestly, I'm so glad both of them spent there money on actually being there for the wedding and NOT on a gift.  I can buy myself gifts, I cant re-create their presence on my wedding day.

    And I paid over $100/plate for these guys :)
  • rlavachrlavach member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Oh, I didn't mention that of course all of my DH's family who flew in from France/Martinique didn't give a gift, but I would never have expected one. They each spent almost $1000 in flights alone, so I totally understand.
  • We have 1 gift that must have gotten separated from the card. I don't know who brought it to write the thank you! There were a few "just cards", so I don't know if the card was supposed to go with the gift? There are also a few people that I don't have anything written down for a gift. It doesn't bother me if they didn't bring a gift, but I want to be able to thank the right person!

    Did anyone else have "separated" or unknown gift-givers? What did you do to fix it?
  • ;rlavach--- I completely agree with you. It seems like people are making me out to seem like i am just after gifts, but yea when you pay $40 a head for food + $20 open bar, then the centerpiece, chair sash and everything else, you should at least give a card!!!! Nobody should ever expect a huge or big monetary gift, but SOMETHING, come on. Word of congratulations/ encouragement.  I would never go or show up at a wedding empty handed even if it was for a friend i wasnt that close with, i would still give something! We had a ton of people who traveled too and I didnt expect them to bring gifts especially when they paid for airfare and some paid hotel expenses too (We forked up the cost too for 6 hotel rooms for guests!). But the family and friends who live close and dont have any financial problems dont really have excuses to me and then the one who keeps telling me they are sending us a gift....who cares. Forget about it, our wedding was almost a month ago. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_no-gift-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ac7be9d3-3497-4d4b-b795-4b5f5e8c990fPost:b41a3736-1abe-4327-a501-ba974f3e5e71">Re: No Gift Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Gift Guests : It's not so much that i am expecting a gift. Its just one person keeps telling us they are going to send us a gift but they haven't. I'm to the point i don't really care, but don't keep telling us that you are going to when you really aren't. I've told them not to worry about it but they keep saying that they are going to mail us a gift.
    Posted by MCCRARYSCOTT[/QUOTE]


    Not to start trouble, That was not how I read the OP.  You called your guests free-loaders because they did not bring a gift! You complained that that you paid good money for them to come and they did not give you anything!

    I too had people say the gift was in the mail or they were going to get it later, and that is annoying especially when you want to buy the stuff off your registry... so I get that.... but FWIW... but i am not holding my breath.
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  • rlavachrlavach member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_no-gift-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ac7be9d3-3497-4d4b-b795-4b5f5e8c990fPost:ac8056c1-6962-4f33-bd6b-a8eb6c41c8a5">Re: No Gift Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]@ rlavach--- I completely agree with you. It seems like people are making me out to seem like i am just after gifts, but yea when you pay $40 a head for food + $20 open bar, then the centerpiece, chair sash and everything else, you should at least give a card!!!! Nobody should ever expect a huge or big monetary gift, but SOMETHING, come on. Word of congratulations/ encouragement.  I would never go or show up at a wedding empty handed even if it was for a friend i wasnt that close with, i would still give something! We had a ton of people who traveled too and I didnt expect them to bring gifts especially when they paid for airfare and some paid hotel expenses too (We forked up the cost too for 6 hotel rooms for guests!). But the family and friends<strong> who live close and dont have any financial problems</strong> dont really have excuses to me and then the one who keeps telling me they are sending us a gift....who cares. Forget about it, our wedding was almost a month ago. 
    Posted by MCCRARYSCOTT[/QUOTE]
    I don't agree with that statement. Unless the person is your husband, you do NOT know their financial situation. There are way way WAY too many people these day who live way above their means. On the outside, it may look like everything is fine. They still go out to eat with everyone, have the nice car & home...keep up with the Joneses. But what you don't see is that they are in credit card debt and/or behind on their mortgage. I'm not saying that this is what's happening to your friends/family, I'm just saying that it's not right to make assumptions of others. While it may appear that they're fine, they may be in a financial bind & too ashamed to admit it. Really, they have no reason to admit it, but they shouldn't live a fairytale either. <div>
    </div><div>Regardless, I wouldn't assume that they were financially capable of giving a gift. We had one couple who lives a rather flashy lifestyle. They have a brand new car, both have iPads, wife is a stay-at-home (no kids), wife just posted her husband's anniversary gift to her as a new Louis Vuitton bag. Their wedding gift? $40. Really? That's not even enough to cover 1 person. Clearly, they're not as rich as they appear. On the other hand, I have a friend who is older & on disability for the last 25+ years. She gave $100. You really never know what goes on in people's lives. </div>
  • Surprisingly most of the people who didn't give a gift were our friends.  I just kind of shocked, because we had traveled to many of their weddings and given generous gifts.  I didn't send thank you notes, because they may send a gift later.  It definitely irked me that some folks didn't give a card.
  • I can see both side of this post.  I can completely understand people having financial difficulties and all, but to not even give a card I feel is just rude.  I would never show up to a wedding without a card/gift personally.  There are ways to give a nice gift without spending a ton of money that you don't have.  With that said I had quite a few people who did not even give a card, and also 5 people who said they were coming and didn't show (which we had to pay for.)
  • I also had a 'separated' gift that we have no idea to whom it belongs.  We put the word out with our moms so if they hear anything, we can send a thank you.  I feel bad, but I don't know what else to do.
  • edited November 2012
    We had 80 guests and received fewer than 20 gifts and cards, mostly from our immediate family. I have to admit, I'm devasted that the majority of the people who attended couldn't just pick up a card at the drugstore. I didn't expect gifts because a lot of them are in a tight spot, money-wise, and had to travel and book a hotel, etc. I just feel like an idiot for bothering to register anywhere, which I only did because I had a few people insist that we'd be getting a boatload of gifts so we might as well let people know what we wanted. So now I feel foolish and worry that I looked greedy. I'm especially surprised that the couple whose wedding I attended last year and another who are getting married this spring didn't get us a card, or friends I see regularly or visit every time I visit my hometown. I get it, we're all poor, but I just wanted cards to keep as mementos. Obviously I don't want to mention it, but my feelings are hurt and I'm worried it will keep building up. I have a stack of thank you cards sitting on my desk that we had printed just for the wedding - do I wait a year and then send cards that say thank you for coming?
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