Nonreligious ceremony ideas???

Apollo11235

Neither FI nor I believes in god or religion, so a friend of ours is getting ordained to marry us. Given that none of us has ever planned a wedding ceremony before, we're finding ourselves unsure of how to fill time in our ceremony, beyond the processional, vows, kiss, and recessional - we want more than a 5-minute ceremony! Oh, and we're trying to do this without offending the religious parts of each of our families...

FI wants to have readings from the Iliad or the Odyssey, though I haven't seen anything yet that I'm willing to go for - we'll see on that.

From this board, I've found the wine box/love letter ceremony and variations of the "hands ceremony,"  both of which I like in concept, so we may decide to tweak those to our liking and do that.

Does anyone know any good readings that we might like? I'm thinking poems, letters of advice to couples starting out, etc...

artbyallie

Don't pad the ceremony just for the sake of making it longer. That said, readings and/or songs would be good. A unity ceremony is superfluous (it is a wedding, after all, the ultimate unity ceremony) but possible. Your officiant could speak about what love/marriage means to you, the couple, if he/she is comfortable with that. But really, most people will appreciate a shorter ceremony more than a longer one. I think ours was less than 15 minutes all-told; my aunt's was barely over 5, and both were church ceremonies.

Kristin789

We used this, although we re-ordered the verses. We started with the line: "Treat yourselves." Then when the reader got to the last line: "...and delight." - we had the reader do two more lines: the two lines beginning with MAY.

Yes, that means that we did NOT use the lines beginning with NOW at all, and I know that most people LOVE those lines. Maybe you would want to begin with "Treat yourselves" and then add the lines beginning with NOW at the end.

Or you could use it as it appears here and not change anything.

APACHE WEDDING BLESSING

Now you will feel no rain,

for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there will be no loneliness,

for each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two persons,

but there is only one life before you.

May beauty surround you both in the

journey ahead and through all the years,

May happiness be your companion and

your days together be good and long upon the earth.

Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and

remind yourselves often of what brought you together.

Give the highest priority to the tenderness,

gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.

When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship,

as they threaten all relationships at one time or another,

remember to focus on what is right between you,

not only the part which seems wrong.

In this way, you can ride out the storms when

clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that

even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.

And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your

life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

Tanq&Tonic

I agree that the shorter the better.  Ours was about 15 minutes as well, and my best friend was ordained to officiate.  She used this book to help structure her sections and ensure she hit key elements:
http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Ceremony-Planner-Essential-Important/dp/1402203438

She didn't use many of their readings, but the book does give you lots of options of how to cover certain areas, like the welcome, or the meaning of marriage, or the ring exchange, etc.  Our officiant also wove in stories about us, such as the reason we chose our venue, or instead of simply reminding us to compromise she would give examples from our relationship where we demonstrated this.  It made things very personal and special.

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_nonreligious-ceremony-ideas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:75565ab9-bbae-4e94-9c0b-7339809ffeabPost:4f3b811e-b4d5-43dc-99be-aefe2c820f7a">Nonreligious ceremony ideas???</a>:
[QUOTE] Oh, and we're trying to do this without offending the religious parts of each of our families.
Posted by Apollo11235[/QUOTE]  Unless you plan to include blatantly anti-religious content, there's no reason anyone in either of your families should be offended, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.  If they are offended simply because your beliefs are different from theirs, that's their problem, not yours.

In our ceremony, we included a passage from John Stuart Mill's "The Subjection of Women" about how marriage is a partnership of equals and democracy begins in the family.  I know a few people who have used parts of Goodridge v. Dep't. of Public Health, the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision allowing same-sex civil marriage:
<a href="http://lawschool.courtroomview.com/acf_cases/9460-goodridge-v-department-of-public-health?debug=false" target="_blank">http://lawschool.courtroomview.com/acf_cases/9460-goodridge-v-department-of-public-health?debug=false</a>

There are several paragraphs describing the meaning of civil marriage and its value to those who choose to marry and also to the larger society, so maybe you can find something you like from the text.

RevGay

Your friend who's getting ordainted to officiate, what does he or she have to say? I did that for a friend recently and she and her fiance invited me to contribute...I added a little surprise where a white silk scarf was circulated among the guest during the ceremony, for them to imbue with loving wishes. Then I presented it to them during the dancing later. Have your friend surprise you with a reading or other ritual.

bvanosten

We aren't religious either and had a family member marry us.  I didn't want to do any of the unity ceremonies so we just skipped them and did pretty much what Liatris said.   We had two readers who read:

#1-
You are holding up a ceiling with both arms. It is very heavy, but you must hold it up, or else it will fall down on you.  Your arms are tired, terribly tired, and, as the day goes on, it feels as if either your arms or the ceiling will soon collapse. But then, unexpectedly, something wonderful happens: Someone, a man or a woman, walks into the room and holds their arms up to the ceiling beside you.  So you finally get to take down your arms.  You feel the relief of respite, the blood flowing back to your fingers and arms.  And when your partner's arms tire, you hold up your own to relieve him again. And it can go on like this for many years without the house falling.

#2
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out;

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help
dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find

I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern, but a temple Out of the works of my every day, not a reproach, but a song.

I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself

Then our "pastor" read:
#3 You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment.  At some point, you decided to marry.  From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way.  All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

rachelehenry

We are having my aunt officiant and while we are not completely going non-religious, the ceremony is more about us.  Our outline is below...

Welcome from the Officiant on behalf of bride and groom
Reading - short poem or verse (we have a family member doing this)
Either unity sand or hand binding - still not decided on this
We are writing short letters to each other which we will read
Then we are doing the traditional vows (do you take this man...love honor cherish...I do....etc)
KISS!

All in all she said with the aisle walking and such it should take about 20-25 mins.

Good luck!

Foxxilove

I'm in the same boat as you. Neither of us believe in God, but we're not really open about it with our family.  I have some super religious relatives that go to a mega church who might take issue with it, but they can get over it.  We're planning a destination wedding so I'm sure once they're on the beach they won't care anymore.  We have a good friend who is a Reiki healer and is ordained so we've asked him to officiate.

Just remind yourself - it's your wedding, not theirs. As long as your ceremony isn't like "You may kiss the bride - BTW God doesn't exist!" then I doubt anyone will take major offense.

thousandtrees

We're planting a tree as part of our ceremony, which is being held at an open-air museum. We're planning to have our officiant say something about putting down roots, nurturing one another, growing together and so on. Additionally, each of our attendants is going to add a scoop of earth and our mothers are going to water the tree, as symbolic promises of support and love. For readings, we're planning on Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog by Taylor Mali and possibly a poem by WH Auden as well. I'm hoping we can be in and out in about 20 minutes! Feel free to adapt any of these ideas if they appeal to you

Bunny0305

One Cerimony you could think about is a sand cerimony. You and your FI pick a color of sand and take turns filling a contaner. Its a very unique way of saying your becoming one, (plus it makes a wonderful keepsake) and it shouldn't upset any of your religious family and friends.

Here is a video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLpSE2jSm9w

and you can also get color sand for a fair price at
http://www.orientaltrading.com/