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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
gmbrehm
member
BYOB to reception?
Our caterer does not offer a bar service package and our reception hall doesnt either, we have to provide our own and they will serve it. We were thinking of asking our guests to bring a bottle of whatever, as sort of a donation. We are going to provide the champagne for the toast. Does this sound tacky? Opinions please!!
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Re: BYOB to reception?
That's not a good idea for a couple of reasons.
1. Its rude to ask your guests to provide anything for a reception, whether it be food or alcohol.
2. What if no ones brings anything, what if you don't have adequate mixers, what if you end of with 20 bottles of Vodka or some other alcohol? It seems like it would be a logistical worry, and you might have people feel that people who didn't bring anything shouldn't drink "their" alcohol. Just seems like you could end up with some unforeseen snafus.
If you can provide your own alcohol and they serve it, you could buy a keg and some inexpensive bottles of wine, or buy alcohol wholesale from Sam's or something. Both of those options won't cost you too much money, and you wouldn't be rude to your guests.
[QUOTE]Our caterer does not offer a bar service package and our reception hall doesnt either, we have to provide our own and they will serve it. We were thinking of asking our guests to bring a bottle of whatever, as sort of a donation. We are going to provide the champagne for the toast. Does this sound tacky? Opinions please!!
Posted by gmbrehm[/QUOTE]
This is a very, very bad idea. Would you also ask people to bring their own hamburger and roll to a cook-out.....but promise that you'll cook it for them? That's exactly what you're doing when you ask people for a "donation" of alcohol.
First of all, I'd skip the champagne. Most people don't care for it anyway, and you can save $$ on that. Then YOU go buy whatever you're serving. Limit it to beer and wine if you're on a budget.
Or don't have any alcohol and serve a variety of soft drinks.
The pp has given great advice about why logistically this is a bad, bad idea.
But I'll give you another reason to reconsider thinking about this: I can guarantee you that if you tell people to BYOB, your guests will talk a lot about your wedding. But it won't be pleasant. Yup, yours will be "that" wedding where guests had to provide their own booze.
I'm not totally thrilled about it, but 1) we're used to bringing our own beer to his family functions anyway since we're beer snobs, and 2) it's a shotgun wedding planned in about a month, and 3) there are hosted options, so even if no one brings anything, they're still covered.
Providing your own alcohol puts you at an advantage. Find a liquor store that will let you return unopened bottles. Keep an eye out for sales and stock up. (If there's a BevMo near you, their five-cent wine sale is on; buy one bottle get the second for five cents.)
The only thing people will remember about your wedding is whether they had fun, and food, booze, and music are all crucial components on that. Those should be the very last places you cut your budget.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
We're offering a selection of beer and wine to our guests and providing margaritas and a vodka punch. We're not having champagne, because I think it's a waste of money, as people don't really drink it. For a toast, it'll just be raise your glasses (whatever's in there will do). Doing something like this could probably help you out. For our 70 guests (of course, not all are drinkers), we spent around $350. I think that's a bargain.
I arranged the food and drink for my reception (hired two people to serve everything). I went to Sam's Club and got beer and wine for a really reasonable price. It was well worth it!
Figure out what you can afford and provide it. Our hall supplies the alcohol, but we are still doing wine and beer only to save some money. I'd stick to beer and wine and even just wine if you can. Provide a red and a white or even 2 reds and 2 whites. (like a cab and a pinot noir for red and a pinot grigio and chardonnay for white). Talk to your liquor store--most stores will let you return any unopened bottles when purchased in bulk like that. So if you have 20 bottles left after the reception, return them. But please don't ask your guests to bring their own, even as a "donation". They are already spending time and money to be at your wedding and reception.
Planning/Married Biology
I think bbyckes was well worded with "put off" being the right choice of words.
Sam's wine is actually pretty good (and cheap) and while I think the stock the the bar party is a good idea I also think its iffy. (tho part of me really loves the idea, I just think its too funny, we have the reverse every once in a while 'clean the fridge' )
IMO, a wedding is about community, family, love, and a joining together of all of those above. In that spirit, why wouldn't it be appropriate to suggest that guests bring something? I think it just depends very much on the wording. Maybe, something about sharing your favorite (wine, beer, whatev)? I don't know, I just don't think it is anything to get worked up about. And, hopefully you'll not have a room full of judgemental people in attendance at your big day. Luck!
[QUOTE]Ah, you misunderstand me. It is not your day to run rampant, ordering people about, and demanding that everything be perfect. I mean it is your day and you have the final decision on incorporating elements that are important, meaningful, or helpful to you. There is a way to do most anything without being offensive or rude, and on the flipside, there are always going to be people that will be offended by you regardless of your choices. Find a balance, and then commit to your choices, is just my advice. I just bristle a little at people who respond with things that say, "No. absolutely you cannot do that at your wedding. Eww." Maybe ew to you, but different strokes for different folks.
Posted by aundieginn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, under free will, you certainly can do this. But nothing is going to change the fact that a BYOB wedding is incredibly rude, and looks both cheap and trashy. The OP asked if this would be tacky, so clearly she's concerned with whether she <em>should</em> not whether she <em>can</em>.</div><div>
</div><div>Of course, you physically <em>can</em> also charge a cover, or you physically <em>can</em> steal your guests wallets and purses at gunpoint. Just because you can doesn't mean it is ok or even remotely appropriate. </div><div>
</div><div>The fact of the matter is that this is an incredibly rude thing to do, and anyone suggesting to the OP that this is remotely ok is doing her a huge disservice. Guests will be offended at being asked to BYOB to a wedding, and it will change their opinion of the host for the worse. Telling someone that this is ok is just setting them up to be embarrassed.
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