Guest list advice

JadeW24

This might be a little dramatic.  Sorry kids.

Last summer, we found our venue and booked our site, really excited about our medium-sized wedding.  Our venue holds a full 50 people more than we were really expecting, so we thought it would be perfectly sized.  We even figured we could be free from all the guest list drama most people have because seriously 2/3rds of the list are from different states (read: "two days or more drive away", not "Massachusetts") because we aren't from here.  But we were still really conservative w/ the list....

Then, we realized that we both have big, close families.  When we were writing our save the dates, FI and my mom kept ADDING MORE people when many STDs had already been sent.  I will be the first to admit, it got out of control.

Now, we are preparing our invitations (which look great!  I'm so excited!)... and we are about to invite almost 50% MORE people than our venue actual holds.  Granted, half the list are people that my mom swears won't come (but we still have to invite them because we're southern and that's what we do, I know it doesn't make sense).  But now, unless I think of a genius idea, we're going to need 1/3rd of our list to decline in order to FIT in our reception space.  Even with a large out of town contingent, I feel really stressed out about this.  Our wedding suddenly feels very big (not something I was interested in), and omg, what if we go over our capacity?!

Brides who are still refining your guest list:  DO NOT DO THIS.  Other people (the love of your life, your mother, you know..... people you trust) will tell you it's OK to over-invite.  It's actually a really stressful thing to do... and potentially awful if you end up with RSVP's over your limit.  Hopefully, I won't learn this last thing from experience.

Brides who maybe have been in this situation:  help!  What did you do?  I know this is a horrible idea, I just feel bad because people with save the dates are -expecting- invitations.  I'm trying to avoid an A list, B list situation, but I feel like it's our only option.  

KBinRI

Wow, I'm sorry you're dealing with this! Several girls on my month board also fell into this situation and some of them were really sweating it out and freaking out because people they thought would say no were responding yes. 

I can't recall your venue, but if you're in a hall-type place, can you move to a bigger room? A Crowne bride on here, for example, moved from one of the smaller rooms to the ballroom when her list got out of control.

I think you need to take a hard look at your list and maybe commit the faux pas of not sending invites to some who got STDs for now. I can't believe I'm suggesting that, but what's worse, possibly offending Great Aunt Nancy you never see but who your mom insists you invite, or having a third or half of those 50 percent more who won't fit respond "yes" and having nowhere to seat them when they travel here from afar? The only bad thing about this is that some might have already made travel plans once they got the STD. 

Good luck; eager to hear how it goes for you. Crossing my fingers that many will decline. (That sounds bad, but you know what I mean ...)

rsmehta

Hi there!  We are in a similar situation where most of our guests are OOT, but we invited too many (the list keeps getting longer and longer).  We have already sent out invitatations.  Honestly, what I am seeing though is that most OOT guests who are not super close to you or on the fence about going, will not come anyways.  RI is not an easy state to get to (gas prices are ridiculous and flight prices are crazy high).  I'm not sure where in RI you are getting married, but I am getting married in Newport.  Once people se how much a hotel in Newport costs, that makes then rethink even coming.  Our RSVP deadline is April 17th, and we have no many people who have not RSVP'd yet.  I know it's an anxiety-provoking situation for sure, but just rememeber that a lot of those people will likely not come anyway.  Hope that makes you feel better!

DansBride52911

Hi there!

I'm sorry you are dealing with this..I'm the Crowne bride that was at first in the Grand Ballroom (accomodates up to 500 ppl), then moved to the Plaza Ballroom (220 capacity) to save some money, then the same thing happened to us where our list magically ballooned. I freaked, and luckily the Crowne still had the Grand available.

The Plaza is tight at it's cap of 220 - I was seriously sweating it out with a list of 217 then it ballooned to like 225...and now it's at 237 (official - invites are OUT) because we moved to a bigger room and could invite more people. Most of our guests ARE local and are very likely to come...hence, we don't expect a lot of drop off. I couldn't imagine packing my guests so tighly into the Plaza. We've invited guests that never received STD's which I feel really bad about...and they've likely missed out on hotel space..the Crowne's booked solid. Not the end of the world because most guests are local, but, still, after a night of partying, it's nice to be able to walk right up to your room.

Unfortunately, we would have "insulted" people if they weren't invited...but I wish we held the line. They are helping us pay for our reception so that does help with the ballooning guest list/costs. Our families are so big that once you invite Great Aunt So and So, you have to invite their immediate family too. It was either a giant wedding, or a small intimate gathering of 30 or so people. Looking back, we both would have wanted something smaller. But now that we're in the Grand, the thought process seems to be "the more the merrier"....but that also equates to more tables and centerpieces...

Honestly, my advice is to send out all of your invites even though it's worrisome, take a deep breath and don't worry about anything until your RSVP date arrives. I'm not even THINKING about table arrangements right now because it could all change...so I'm trying my best not to think about it either. I made our RSVP date 6 weeks before the wedding because I wanted that extra time nail down table decor and figure out 60" rounds and 72" rounds...

Where is your venue? Is there any way to configure tables differently?

JadeW24

Thanks ladies!

I feel less ridiculous knowing that others are having a similar situation.

KBinRI - I know what you mean.  I love the folks on our guest list, and am so thrilled to share this experience with them (all of them -- even though there are many!), but I've been praying that some of them will simply have other plans.

We do have another option (possibly) at our venue, but I hate the room (though I won't turn it down if we out grow our current room).  I'll hold firm with the number we have now (because believe it or not, my family still keeps trying to add to it), and try to make judicial decisions... then just send invites and hope .

rsmehta - I'm from Houston too!  Why are you getting married in RI?

rsmehta

JadeW- I actually live in houston but grew up in RI.  My parents still live in RI and I always dreamed of having a Newport wedding.  It's definitely hard planning from far away though!  Don't sweat the guest list though, I'm sure you will stay within your number and keep the room you want.  These things just have a way of working themselves out!

wyney

Is it possible for your venue to accommodate more people with standing room?  I say everyone needs a seat, and this is true...but maybe you can skip the sit down dinner, but still meet your minimum with the caterer with upgrades and such?

RoyalOrient

Ugh...I just blogged about my growing guest list. I already sent out invites so there is nothing I can do now. The rotunda has changed their policy from 200 guests to 175. Needless to say I am expecting more than that...I definitely feel your pain there. I actually  cut a few people from our guest list. Older guests from far - that did not receive an STD. I might be offending people but I also did not over-invite - my mom and FI did! I wish I had been more firm about it but my mom is a travel agent for guilt trips.

KBinRI

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_guest-list-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:8377d011-2d2b-42a1-847c-7fc8800650d0Post:f7356505-1598-4db7-8e9c-6a851943b842">Re: Guest list advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there! I'm sorry you are dealing with this..I'm the Crowne bride that was at first in the Grand Ballroom (accomodates up to 500 ppl), then moved to the Plaza Ballroom (220 capacity) to save some money, then the same thing happened to us where our list magically ballooned. I freaked, and luckily the Crowne still had the Grand available. Posted by DansBride52911[/QUOTE]

Oh, I was thinking of a former moderator here who had a growing list and also wanted to have room for her candy bar, etc. and so she moved from the Rotunda (love that room!) to the Ballroom. I didn't realize you had done the same but I'm so glad it all worked out for you!!

Emma428

I think everyone deals with this in a way. What I would do  (and my mother would kill me) is only invite and guest to those who have serious relationships. Why have more people at your wedding you don't know. Having a ton of single friends I wanted to only invite them however my mom won and now they are prob all going to invite dates they hardly know and then try and ditch them mid wedding. Good luck : )