need opinions - regarding when to get married

JandA7406

I'm at a loss here -- I would have liked to get married next year but because I decided to wait so long to decide --- we now have 3 maybe 4 weddings to attend, 2 of which are my sister and my fiance's sister.  Would I be a complete b**** if I planned mine before all of theirs or around the same time (August & September) and then asked our families to contribute as well?  I'm just ready to be married!

My other issue is I told my brother about our 9/7/13 date and that is his 30th birthday weekend.  Obviously I don't have to change the date if we decide to not do it next year but I kinda feel obligated.  I know if tables were turned I wouldn't care but I kinda feel as he does because he was planning to be in Vegas.  The only positive is we could move the wedding up to 7/13/13 which I like too.

Any advice?

JadeW24

I don't think it matters a lot exactly when you decide to get married, as long as you and your FI are actually ready to be married (except keep in mind that if both of your siblings are getting married in the same season, that may put a lot of stress on you outside of your role as sister & sister-in-law to the bride).  Are they the sort of girls that would mind if your wedding was a month away?  A week?  Or would they care?  Is your family in a financial position to help out with two weddings (it sounds like you expect this)?  Are you ready to actually be married at that time?  Is it too long?  Too short?  Are you willing to make compromises in order to have it sooner (though with a 1-2 year engagement, maybe this isn't relevant)?  Budget-wise, are you both in a position to support yourselves & have the sort of wedding you want?  Being the sibling of the bride can be really expensive (trust me)... are you prepared to be loving and supportive siblings on top of your own wedding commitments?  These are the sort of questions you should be asking.

Now, on expecting/asking your family to help out with the wedding... it's pretty bold of you to straight up expect financial support for the wedding from your family or his.  I know it's tradition to have family do everything, but that's pretty uncommon now.  Today, most people seem to have partial help from their family, if any, in planning a wedding.  From your families' perspectives, it does seem like a lot to ask them to contribute to both weddings so close together (or to expect any money at all).  If budget is even remotely an issue for anyone involved (including the siblings you mentioned), you run a huge risk of alienating yourself (or another family member).  To me, that makes it not worth the risk.

My opinion, because you seem to expect financial support, is that you should reconsider your timing.  Could you get married earlier in 2012 (plenty of time left to plan & leave a good buffer for other weddings)?  Go back to 2013?  Give your siblings a good 1-2 month buffer (or more) in order to keep conflict - budget wise - to a minimum.  That's just my two cents.

Good luck!

i2012do

I read your question and was about to start a response but in reality Jade hit on everything.

And she is 1000% right, I am assuming you are a bridesmaid or MOH in your sisters wedding and possibly in your sister-in-laws wedding. That is an expense all in its own right.

I understand you are ready to be married, but you also have to think of how they would feel if you were to schedule your wedding around theirss and the logistics. Don't forget a wedding is rarely a one day exclusive event. If youa re willing to get married in 2012 around their weddings, be forewarned you will spedn all of June and July at their showers ,your shower, bachelorette parties, rehearsel dinners ,dress fittings, days of bridesmaid dress shopping etc.

If you feel like that leaves you enough time to concentrate on your own wedding- and you feel that they won't feel as if you are trying to beeat them to the altar, AND you have the financial means without asking your parents (let them offer, they know what tey can afford) then by all means go ahead with the wedding. You know best what your situation is.

Also, what about later september?

FYI not that this is going to happen to your sister or sister in law. But we originally didn't get married in 2011 (I have been engaged over a year)... so that 1. we could save but also because we had 5 weddings this summer. In a weird slight of fate- 3 of my weddings this summer are no longer happening (for 3 completely different reasons!). I know that's rare- and I actually didn't think about it until now, when writing this post. But things happen, dates change, esp. if they don't yet have their reception venues picked etc. Since you are all brides, i'm sure you have at least the wedding to bond over- pehaps you can have them over and talk  "wedding" and "dates" and see what comes up?

JandA7406

We have actually been engaged for 4 years so I think that's why part of me is ready.  I am NOT trying to beat anyone.  And let me clarify that I don't expect the three families (I am a divorcee kid) to pay for all of it, I would never do that.  I know they are willing to contribute as they have told us. 

I actually didn't take into consideration all the "other" wedding related things that would lead me off track with planning/paying for mine.  And if my cousin does decide to get married I would be in the bridal party for that one, my sister, and my sister-in-law.  That equals a lot of time and money on my part.  As for Josh and I being financially ready to pay for what we want, probably not.

Maybe I will stick with 2013 but earlier - my original was 9/7/13, may July or even earlier?

Thanks girls for the advice -- you  brought up points I hadn't even considered.

KBinRI

I would stick with 2013 if I were you. Sounds like you have a busy - and expensive - 2012 coming up.  I understand the "I just want to be married already!" but I don't think it's worth the family stress that moving the date would cause. 

What about spring 2013? Then it's not such a long wait but you still get a date that's your own and not to close too someone else's in the family. You'll likely get more time and attention from your busy-planning-their-own family members, too, and people will have had a chance to recover financially a little bit.