Friends decided to elope

Ali9381

Friends of mine and my sister have been debating over two venues for months, only to find out the exact date they want in Aug 2012 is booked at both places.  So we each get a FB invite today for their "Post Wedding BBQ" at their house for next Sat!  They decided to have a super small ceremony at Colt St Park and then do a gathering at their house the following day.  My sister is shocked, she was going to be a bridesmaid and now has no idea if there will be some sort of formal ceremony or reception in the future.  Has anyone gone to some sort of reception after a couple elopes?  What about a bridal shower?  My sister is under the impression she's still going to have a formal wedding, but to me that sounds weird if they are already married, right?

DiLynn83

Yeah I think it's weird.  IMO, it's either-or.  Either you elope and that's it, OR you have the wedding, the bridal shower, reception, etc etc, especially if there was no pressing need for the elopement (insurance, military deployment).

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_friends-decided-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:122Discussion:92df2184-dead-456c-8810-6ad1743199b0Post:22a35d19-e327-4109-9609-7617fc0d1b2a">Re: Friends decided to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I think it's weird.  IMO, it's either-or.  Either you elope and that's it, OR you have the wedding, the bridal shower, reception, etc etc, especially if there was no pressing need for the elopement (insurance, military deployment).
Posted by DiLynn83[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.</div>

calindi

As a military bride, let me tell you - deployment isn't a pressing need.  You won't miss them any less, they won't come home any sooner, and they won't be any safer. There's no reason to rush to the altar unless you are pregnant and don't want anyone to know it happened out of wedlock, though that seems antiquated to me.  Even health insurance, I feel like we all face those issues and either find a job with health insurance or purchase our own.  I was in a situation where I was unemployed, had some major health issues crop up when I had no insurance, and my FI was active duty and I could have been totally covered if we eloped.  Did we?  Absolutely not, we have already planned a wedding for next summer and it would be unfair to our families to turn that into nothing more than a theatrical production.  I bought individual health insurance and made do.

Sorry, that topic just gets my feathers a bit ruffled.  I'd be pissed if someone wanted me to go along for the whole horse-and-pony show as a 'bridesmaid' if they were already married.

We do see this a lot on the Military Brides board - girls get married, and still want to play 'pretty pretty princess' even though it's all just for show.  It's up to the family and friends to decide how to respond - if your sister still wants to go through with the whole charade of throwing this girl a bridal shower and bachelorette, then cool.  Whatever.  Weird, and a bit selfish, but not my business.  But if she just wants to go to the "Post Wedding BBQ" and give her a $20 gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond, that's cool, too.  That's definitely what I would do.

Nomer

I guess I am devil's advocate in this case, but I seriously considered eloping before our wedding and I kinda wish I had. The big thing for me was the ceremony in front of all the people: it was so nerve-racking. I wanted the ceremony to be about us and our commitment to each other. I wanted to remember what we said to each other (we had written our own vows) and how we said it, but I just remember reading off some words and kissing rather awkwardly. It's all a blur to me now. Anyway, I wish we had gotten married beforehand so the wedding could have been about the wedding and the "getting married" part would have been more about us. We only had the big wedding thing to satisfy the family who would have been offended if we had eloped.

Also, about the military thing: I was under the impression that you couldn't live on base with your partner unless you were married. I know a couple who eloped so they could be together on base and a few years later they had a formal wedding. Maybe I am mistaken about why they initially got married but they did have a formal wedding a few years later.

Sarah0335

I always wanted a destination wedding with just very close friends and family (10-15 people max).  FI is getting his way and we are doing 100 people and close to his family now.

If we had done destination, we would have been expected to do a reception with everyone that could not make the ceremony.  I don't think it is always weird.  I think it can be an effort to include other friends and family.  We would not have done a bridal shower though.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_rhode-island_friends-decided-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:122Discussion:92df2184-dead-456c-8810-6ad1743199b0Post:7d8aad3c-da76-46b6-ba6f-c4dc13d7b368">Re: Friends decided to elope</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, about the military thing: I was under the impression that you couldn't live on base with your partner unless you were married. I know a couple who eloped so they could be together on base and a few years later they had a formal wedding. Maybe I am mistaken about why they initially got married but they did have a formal wedding a few years later.
Posted by Nomer[/QUOTE]

It's true - unmarried couples can't live together on base.  But there's nothing stopping you from living off base together unless the service member is very junior enlisted and required to live on base.  Even still, you can pay your own way to live off base together - you just won't get the extra money to pay for it which they allot for married couples and more senior enlisted and most officers.  They give you a few extra hundred dollars if you are married. If someone wants to get married earlier so they can get more money from the military, and thus from taxpayers, they have to present themselves as a married couple publically (meaning they can't pretend they're just engaged) because otherwise it's defrauding the military and the service member can be brought up on charges.

It's always a choice, and there's never a situation when someone "has" to get married because of the military - it can be more convenient, but that's someone's choice.