In need of a little help...

MM5678

SO I am looking for some assistance on being a Bridesmaid.  I am getting married this July and one of my Bridesmaids is getting married in early December.  I am in her wedding as well.For a handful of reasons she has done little with her personal wedding planning.  I am very much a planner and an organizer and hate that we are 9 months away from her wedding and I have no idea what’s going on. Just recently she has started to pull a handful of things together and talk about ideas but still nothing concrete.  My finance and I(long before being asked to be a Bridesmaid) had decided upon doing mini-moons rather than a long honey moon to follow our wedding.  Also, as we have never done what one might call a big gift exchange, we decided to spurge on each other at this time.
With my friend starting to talk a bit more about her wedding, I am starting to get concerned with finances.  I have never been a Bridesmaid before, so I have no prior experience with the general costs.  Can anyone relay what they have contributed to the average Shower and Bachelorette party?
I realize it is important to stay within your means regardless of what the norm is, but I have no idea what to expect.  Additionally, having no idea what to expect and knowing her decisions are going to come at the 13^th hour, I starting to get concerned it will affect decisions we have made regarding our own wedding plans from a financial stand point.
Any suggestions, guidance recommendations would be greatly appreciated!!

dberrett

That is a very tough position, for sure! Very frustrating and unnerving.
Do you know the MOH? Could you reach out to her to see if she knows any more details about your friend's wedding? If not, there's not much you can do. Unless you and your friend get together for a drink, you may be able to casually say that you're planning X, Y, and Z, but you're still trying to budget things out. See if she offers any insights. It's certainly within your rights to prod her about selectin the dress, as they can take 6 months to come in. As a BM, you don't want to have to pay the surcharge for a rush order b/c she didn't plan ahead. Maybe offer to go shopping with her for dresses? Or get together and bring your bridal magazines an look at photos to get her juices flowing.
I haven't been a BM in a number of years. But my BMs spent $150 on their dresses including most alterations, $65 on their hair. Manis and pedis was up to them if they wanted them. The expense of the shower and bachelorette can really vary depending on where and how big. If you're concerned about money, try keeping the lists minimal, and the locations not as extravagant. It also depends on how many BMs she has to divide up the cost.
It's hard to be planning your own wedding and watching a friend not planning hers - very frustrating. Just remember that as her BM, you are there to support her throughout, so do everything you can to remain positive. You don't want this to ruin your strong friendship! You want to keep her as a friend even after the wedding, so keep reminding yourself of that.
I hope this helps!

MM5678

Thank you for the advice, this really does help a lot!

LOMLBOAT

I agree w/ dberrett - all the costs hugely vary based on the specifics of each wedding.  However my girls paid $153 for the dress (alterations included in the price).  I asked that each of them pick out a dyable shoe and I paid the dying cost ($12).  I think most of the shoes they bought were around $35-50.  Hair and makeup is available to them, but not required ($100 for both), nails are being done 2 days before and invited the girls if they wanted to come, again, not required (probably $50-60 for main/pedi w/ tip).

FI and I have a very large families, so my shower is going to be 70 people at a country club.  I feel bad since I only have 4 BMs and my mom is contributing, along with FMIL doing a few things for the shower.  I gave them $300 towards the shower because it's a lot to put on them.  Overall I think each girl is spending about $200-300, but I asked that none of them get me a gift as the shower is gift enough.

I do feel bad about how much it is costing them, but I did warn them ahead of time that I have a lot of people and would try to keep costs down, but all of them have kept me out of the loop and won't let me know any details, so I hope they are doing things to keep the cost down for themselves.

I would just let your friend know (as I'm sure she will find out) that weddings are expensive and the only way to stay in budget is to do your homework and have a plan on where all your money is going.  Since you are doing yours ahead of time, maybe you can ask your girls how much they have had to contribute, or talk to your friend about if she's thought of dress cost/delivery time.  How many people she has in her party and what her ideas are for the shower/how many people.  That'll give you a better idea of how much you can put aside for her wedding.

I have talked to a lot of friends and unfortunately it seems like after everything is said and done (with wedding gift, clothes, parties, etc) they've spent around $500-1000 or more.  It's is a hardship to be a in a wedding these days and I've actually had a friend say she didn't have the money to contribute.  I really appreciated that because I knew the other girls wouldn't have to pick up the slack if she didn't pay her part.  But it is a finacial burden and a lot falls on the BMs.