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April 2012 Weddings

I need HELP making a decision... Should we cancel??

FH and I were talking and are thinking about cancelling our deposits on venue and DJ and going a smaller route and have a ceremony with close family (still about 30 people) and then going to a nice restaurant for dinner. I would still wear my dress (being that I already have it). We would lose about $1,300 from our deposits, but save about $5,000 in the long run. Our wedding was going to be pretty small to begin with about 60-70 guests and cost about $7k - $8k, but for us that's a lot being we have no help and we want to buy a house. I am torn because I never have really been the "dreaming since I was a little girl" of my wedding, but I feel like I will miss out on not having the first dance or father daughter dance and little things like that. FH wants to go the small route and I am torn.

I feel I want to go with the small ceremony and dinner, but I am afraid of regretting it in the future.

Re: I need HELP making a decision... Should we cancel??

  • Im torn in this department as well, and family/friends have been purshing me to "Have a backyard wedding and use that money towards a house!" alot! Its becoming VERY ANNOYING.  I will tell you that i have about 4 friends.. that did the "Small/intimate" wedding 3-4 years ago, and regret it. Some are even planning a "big"  vow renewal for their 5th wedding anniversary because of it. (This is always an option :) )

    Using the money towards a house would be great, but make sure you actually do it! How hard would it be to cut the guest list in half? Couldnt you still do the venue and and "Wedding Traditions" with less people? That would save money as well :)

    This is a hard decision, take your time and really think about it. Good Luck :)
    ~Melissa Photobucket
  • rarditorardito member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    I would still have the larger wedding, because you only get to do it once!

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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Hmmm. I need more details! How much is your caterer charging/person? What sort of arrangement do you have with the DJ (how long)? 

    Maybe you can downsize your menu, like going from plated dinner to buffet, or even to heavy hors devours (sp). Skip the cocktail hour food and just do drinks. If you have your wedding reception at a non meal time (2-4) you could get away with even less, or if you had it late (after 7 or 8) you could do a dessert reception. 

    Is there no way you can cut some costs from the larger plan? You could still cut the guest list down, which in turn cuts everything from centerpieces to food. 

    Also try and talk with your DJ. If you originally wanted uplighting or any other add ons, cut those. If you planned on having him for 4 or 5 hours, maybe ask him if you can downsize a bit and just go with 3? Or have him skip the cocktail hour and just set up an iPod for that portion? If you explain to him you still want to use his services but are having some financial difficulties, but paid the deposit, he should try and work with you. 

    Or, lose the DJ but keep the venue. Or vice versa. 

    In the end, think about your decision thoroughly before you make changes. Make a pros and cons list. Seriously!!!! 

    GL
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Also I meant to  throw in that if you do go to a restaurant for dinner, you should still pay for everyone's food. It would be more difficult to figure how much you will spend, since prices vary between the veggie meals and the prime rib/lobster meals. I would aim somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the higher. Weigh that against what your caterer was charging/head and see if you come out better.  You may have already calculated for this but just be sure you don't stick your guests with the bill. 
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  • Well that is a hard one... At first I would say get the house. But we have a house and waited for ever to get married. Now we are actually in the steps to planning something I am excited. I dont want to miss out on anything. I too, have never been the type that dreams all night long of wedding stuff but I think you should try to downsize, still do the wedding and then save and cut corners to buy a house. Like set a goal, sdecide to have a small wedding and sacrifice 10 people or whatever area you can can ( I mean cut them off the list) do the wedding and then cut and save after the wedding for the house.

    But like someone said, be serious after and really save for the house. Also you can always just ask for monetary gifts and tell people you want to put the money towards the house. I am sure you can live without a new blender for right now!
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  • While I think no one can tell you exactly what to do as we arent you and we arent in your shoes I think that you truly have to follow your heart on this one. I know it sounds cheesy but only you will know for sure if this is something you can live without having. I know that PP mentioned a big vow renewal but that isnt a wedding! So I think you need to figure out exactly what you want and dont want. And talk to your FI he is a part of this day just as much as you. Wedding and regret isnt something you want to have as its not something you can do over. Just know that the only thing that truly matters is that at the end of whatever you choose to do you are marrying your best friend and your one true love. Everything else is just a detail. Good luck!
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  • Although pp mentioned acquaintances who regretted having a smaller wedding, there are just as many people who had a big wedding and say they wouldn't do it again.  Agree with pp's that it might be worth investigating if you could cut back on anything or if you could still maintain some of those traditions you want to do even if you have a smaller wedding.  If there's information you and your fiance need in order to make the decision, get the information and maybe that will shed a lot of light and you'll know what will make you both happiest in the long run.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • dtronoldtronol member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_need-making-decision-should-cancel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:af6ca4b6-f256-463c-bb94-1c3085e58ef4Post:97c66440-dbce-4e73-9723-9c7806c376bf">Re: I need HELP making a decision... Should we cancel??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Although pp mentioned acquaintances who regretted having a smaller wedding, there are just as many people who had a big wedding and say they wouldn't do it again.  Agree with pp's that it might be worth investigating if you could cut back on anything or if you could still maintain some of those traditions you want to do even if you have a smaller wedding.  If there's information you and your fiance need in order to make the decision, get the information and maybe that will shed a lot of light and you'll know what will make you both happiest in the long run.
    Posted by meganb1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree completely. I am debating the same thing, and I am leaning towards a very small destination wedding. We will lose $600 in deposits, but I think it's worth it to avoid the stress and save 6 grand in the end.</div>
    {darcie}
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  • I know this was a few days ago, but I've been offline for a couple weeks... and I have to tell you, I'm right where you are. FI's family will be coming from Australia, New Zealand, England and Canada, and we're planning on a super-small wedding with about sixty people and a sit-down dinner afterwards with our immediate families. We're keeping the wedding small, mostly because we want to be in a position where we could pay for it ourselves if we had to (my parents have offered to pay, but...) , and I've never been the type who lies awake dreaming of my wedding at night. I'm excited to get married (don't get me wrong!!!) but I never really had a clear picture in my mind of the things that I wanted except for a pretty dress and some nice flowers. We're going to have both of those, which is what I wanted. 

    I agree with PP that everything else is a detail. I'm marrying my best friend, and that's the main thing for me. I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on what's essentially a party-- and we have other expenses! :) I think it's smart to go the route that you're suggesting.
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  • I think you are the only one who can make an honest desicion, and i think if you are stressing over canceling then it might be something you might regret in the future. I will tell you my personal experience. My hubby N I had a civil wedding 5yrs ago, and just went to a restaurant with our parents, and that was it. I wore a white dress, not wedding gown. so it really didnt feel like i was getting married. We always wanted a big catholic wedding, but because of my change of immigration status, we had to do it this way and postpone our catholic ceremony. Every time a friend of mine got married, or I saw pictures of brides, i felt horrible cus I always dreamed of my wedding day. NOw we are planning our wedding, and im extremely excited, so are our families. We still will have a budget wedding since we now have kids, but still I feel like if i could do it all over again, i would've just had my big wedding back then. Now there's always vow renewals... so is really up to you and your FH... Good luck and best wishes :)

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