How to incorporate groom's children: ideas needed!

PolsonE

My fiance has two children from his previous marriage (ages 6 & 9). I want to make sure they feel included... that the wedding is about us becoming a family. So far we have decided to make his daughter the flower girl and son the best man.
 
I don't want to do the pouring of sand. Any other suggestions?

ronik77

as PP said, it really depends on your relationship wtih the kids. I've seen some only as the RB and FG and others where the father was a widower and the step mother had become a huge part of the kids lives and they took vows together.

one thing you can do and possibly not "freak" the kids out, is not call them up but do include something in your vows to say that you will love his children as your own etc, IF you feel comfortable with that.

As PP said, it really depends on what level your relationship with the kids is at.

kfras

My sister was married last April and included her two sons (ages 5 and 12) in the ceremony. They did not say vows (no I Dos) but they did exchange rings. My sister put each ring on their fingers. The boys liked it a lot. They were able to go to a store and pick out their own rings. The priest blessed the rings, like he would bless the couple's rings, and he said it was to unite them as a family. It was a REALLY cute part of the ceremony.

The boys wore their rings on their right hands, and they got a chain for the older boy so he could wear the ring around his neck. He thought this was cooler than wearing it on his finger.

At the same time, my sister had never been married before and the boys do not have great relationships with their fathers. This might be a little different (awkward) if your FI was married before and their mother is still a part of their lives. So it would really depend on your own situation.

I think making them part of the bridal party is a great way to include them. Try a family dance at the reception where you dance with the boy and your groom dances with the girl. You can pick a song that has a nice meaning.

spiment

I went to a wedding in November where they did something like a family blessing. After the vows were done, the pastor asked the husband's daughter to come up (she was about 7 and very close with the bride) and basically said a family prayer blessing them as a family. It wasn't a vow in any way, just a way to make the groom's daughter feel special. And yes, the girl's mother is alive. And then afterward all three of them walked out together as a family, since that is what they are. It was honestly one of the most touching things I've ever seen done in a ceremony and his daughter was beaming with happiness.

I don't think is in any way disrespectful of the childrens' mother, but of course, to keep the peace you may want to run it by her. Most parents would be incredibly happy that their childrens' new stepparent wants to welcome and love them too rather than shove them aside to make a "new" family.

redheadtmk

If you dont like a sand ceremony you can do a family volcano. I forget which magazine I read it in but the couple poured vinegar and baking soda (?I think that was is used) into a volcano because that fit thier personality more. I wish we could do it but our pastor probabl wont let us. I will be asking this weekend. I am not a fan of the sand/candle/knot ceremonies and was not going to have anything until I read about the volcano

careymcfaddin

my fiance has an 8 year old daughter.  we got her an identity bracelet that is engraved.  I have not figured out how to incorporate this into the ceremony yet, but I know she'll love it.