Blended Family Ceremonies with Teens

Princessgia07 · March 2013

My son will be 17 and his daughter will be 16 when we get married. Both of the ex's are still living and we dont want to disrespec them but wanted to include our teens in someway more so then just standing up as a GM and BM. My son will along with my dad walk me down the aisle. I guess what i am asking is some input for older children. I have been looking online and here to find different ideas which are all wonderful but I'm not sure that Teens would be too old for some of them.

Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!!!

itzMS · March 2013

Does your son want to walk you down the aisle?

Do your son and his daughter want to be a groomsman and bridesmaid?

The key here is ASKING them what they want to do and to be okay with the fact that they might just want to attend as guests.

My mom remarried when I was 17. I was happy to be a bridesmaid, but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to do anything else (unity ceremony, family "vows", family medallions, etc)

Also, I see in your profile that you might be having a Catholic wedding? If so, these types of things aren't allowed anyways. Talk to your priest.

If all else fails, buy each teen a gift that they'd like (something you'd buy for their birthdays) and include a heartfelt note about how much they mean to you.

misssunshine17 · March 2013

It's YOUR marriage, not theirs. Let them be in the bridal party but leave it at that. Children shouldn't have a part in the ceremony/vow part.

Jen4948 · March 2013

Just have them in the wedding party and photos. Even when there are children from prior relationships, weddings are about the bride and groom. Anything else should be private for those involved.

itzMS · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_blended-family-ceremonies-with-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:7f28ab23-4557-4819-a047-0cbafa999b8dPost:d374d3e7-4f23-4f85-90b2-463b1296ce5e">Re: Blended Family Ceremonies with Teens</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with the statements about the wedding only being about the bride and groom when they have children form previous relationships. The wedding is creating a new family unit and it is my opinion that the new family needs to be recognized. My daughter asked me if my FI was going to give her something during the ceremony like my cousin and her H did to her daughters at thier wedding in December. My FI agreed because he says <strong>he isn't just marrying me. He is making a commitment to my daughter to protect her and be there for her for the rest of her life</strong>. Her father even likes this idea that my FI is willing to do this with my daughter. I could understand avoiding this when the children are completely against it.
Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]

I think you missed the point.

No one said that the children shouldn't be important, honored attendants and stand by your side.
At the end of the day, your fiance IS just marrying you. Marriage is for adults, not children. It's great that he will be loving and supportive of your daughter, but saying any vows or promises to children during a marriage ceremony is inappropriate.

Lisag72 · April 2013

My Fiance has a 13 yr old son. I've asked him to meet my parents half way down the isle and take me the rest of the way to his dad. I wanted to really include him and let him know how much I love him.

glitterunicorn13 · April 2013

My 16 1/2 old daughter asked to give me away, she feels it is a great way to support this new beginning and I was touched at her thinking of it. I was fully prepared to walk on my own if I needed to- but was nicely surprised.

kaos16 · April 2013

Marriage is between two consenting adults. . . .that's it. While I think it's lovely to have a child be part of your wedding party, or escort you don't the aisle, there is no place for people to be saying vows to children. If your fiance wants to give your children a gift commemorating the occasion, perhaps he can give it to them before the ceremony, or even at the rehearsal dinner. That would be a more appropriate time for him to tell the children how important they are to him.

Princessgia07 · November 2013

Wow, its been a while since I posted this. I guess what I was asking was besides the Sand Ceremony is there something else creative that has been done. We aren't doing vows to anyone but ourselves but I did want to do something different to bring our new family together as a whole. Yes he is only marrying me and not my son and vice versa with his daughter but even as steps we are together as a family. Just looking for anyones creative ideas.

artbyallie · November 2013

Princessgia07 said: Wow, its been a while since I posted this. I guess what I was asking was besides the Sand Ceremony is there something else creative that has been done. We aren't doing vows to anyone but ourselves but I did want to do something different to bring our new family together as a whole. Yes he is only marrying me and not my son and vice versa with his daughter but even as steps we are together as a family. Just looking for anyones creative ideas.

Then the answer is no, there's not really anything other than a sand ceremony that would be appropriate to have them participate in. Why isn't being in the wedding party enough exactly?

Giving them a gift or a heartfelt letter in private outside of the ceremony would be fine, however. Especially given that they're teens, I'm sure they are most likely not that interested in the ceremony.

ktjanesmom · November 2013

I do not understand this trend to include kids from other relationships in weddings. I feel like the kids should just be guests.

Ndelible · May 2014

I had the same issue. I have a nine year old and he has a 16 and a 19 year old. I am believe that your attendants should be your friends and not a fan of including family for family's sake. We came to this: his son will be one of his groomsmen (his choice). I am dispensing with a ring bear and flower girl. Instead, since I am Black, I asked him if we could jump the broom. My son will carry the sign announcing me and his daughter will carry the broom. They will place the broom down for us and then we will jump. Or something like that. I haven't worked out the details, but it will go something like that. We asked them if they wanted these roles, of course. And then we party. Cause, really, isn't that the point?