To chuppah or not to chuppah.....

molls332233

Ok, so I am in love with the look of a chuppah or 'wedding canopy' for my outdoor wedding, but neither of us is jewish...... Is it weird to have a chuppah when you arent jewish? Do a lot on non-jewish brides feel that same as i do!?

mysticl

Well, lots of brides do an arch or something like that for outside weddings.  I just don't think you would call it a chuppah.

christinelyn0131

I'm totally considering a chuppah.

I'm not jewish, and FI isn't jewish but his dad and paternal side is, so I get to cheat

I really think a wedding canopy is a beautiful idea and there's some gorgoeus ones out there.

Here's a favorite of mine

http://littleredbride.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/chuppah-beth-tikuah_jpg.jpg

Fortunee

i think it is completely weird to have a Chuppah if neither of you are Jewish. I get that you like the look of the Chuppah, but do you even understand why a Chuppah is so very important to a Jewish wedding? I personally would be a little offended if I went to a wedding where I knew the couple was not Jewish, and they had a Chuppah.

BTW, both my fiance and I are Jewish.

christinelyn0131

From wikipedia:
"A chuppah symbolizes the home that the couple will build together. "

So Christians don't build homes together? Or Atheists/Agnostics/etc?

White wedding dresses were originally a Christian thing, sooo?
Also, so were wedding bands.

I can understand the whole "glass crushing" thing being weird for a non-Jewish ceremony, since it symbolizes the destruction of the Jewish temple.

But a wedding canopy? Really?

Fortunee

While what you said was right, there are other Religious meanings behind the Chuppah. It symbolizes the covenent that God made with Abraham. Traditional chuppahs are made using Prayer shawls, or Tallits. I was also taught as a child that a Chuppah is important because it allows Jewish couples to be married anywhere, even when there is not a synogogue around and still be valid because it represents that Covenent. Everything about the Chuppah symbolizes important religious JEWISH elements. Remember, not everything you read on Wikipedia, or the internet, is correct.

And you're right. I would also be offended if a non-Jewish couple decided to break a glass at their ceremony. In fact, I would be offended if any non-Jewish couple took any elements of a Jewish ceremony and incorporated it into theirs. I just feel like they don't understand the importance of it, and do it only because they think it looks "cool" or find it to be trendy.

christinelyn0131

Okay, fortunee, thanks for clarifying But, honest just curious not being b!tchy, what would you say is the difference between a wedding canopy and a chuppah?

Fortunee

There is no difference. A Chuppah is sometimes called a wedding canopy. The terms are interchangeable, but meaning the same thing when talking about a Jewish wedding or ceremony.

tenofcups4me

I doubt your guests would even think it was a chuppah -- just a pretty piece of decor for your outdoor wedding. If they're Jewish, they might think, "huh, that looks like a chuppah." If they're not, it's likely they don't even know what a chuppah is.

In any event, it's common to have some sort of arch or other covering where the bride or groom stand and I can't see any reason in the world while you can't model yours off the looks of a chuppah you like. (Oh, and I'm Jewish FWIW and wouldn't be the slightest bit offended -- if I thought about it being a chuppah at all, I would think it was cool that our customs have become well enough known that people want to incorporate them into their own weddings.)

ciaraman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_chuppah-not-chuppah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8224e5bb-d40e-47fe-8401-f4a2835f0f6fPost:e7d5b3fd-eab4-475e-85e7-45f3ed2094f0">Re: To chuppah or not to chuppah.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I doubt your guests would even think it was a chuppah -- just a pretty piece of decor for your outdoor wedding. If they're Jewish, they might think, "huh, that looks like a chuppah." If they're not, it's likely they don't even know what a chuppah is. In any event, it's common to have some sort of arch or other covering where the bride or groom stand and I can't see any reason in the world while you can't model yours off the looks of a chuppah you like. (Oh, and I'm Jewish FWIW and wouldn't be the slightest bit offended -- if I thought about it being a chuppah at all, I would think it was cool that our customs have become well enough known that people want to incorporate them into their own weddings.)
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I really can't say it better than this.  I agree with everything tenofcups said. My FI and I are Jewish as well.

MegieM

I am also Jewish, and I think you should totally use a chuppah, or any other tradition you like, even if it's not your tradition.  I went to a Christian wedding a few years ago where they had a list in the program of elements in their ceramony that they had borrowed from a wide veriety of faiths.  Most of them were used becuase the couple liked the symbolism behind them.  I thought it was great to see the melding of such a wide variety of customs. 

nikiandchris

I think it's totally acceptable to have a wedding canopy.

Unless you're going all the way and making it a traditional Jewish Chuppah with the prayer shawls and whatever else makes it authentic, it's just a canopy used as wedding decor. Think of it as such. I think it's gorgeous.

2dBride

I made our chuppah.  At least one bride contacted me to ask questions about the construction, because she wanted a mandap for her wedding.  Thus, a wedding canopy is not exclusively a Jewish tradition.

I'd recommend not calling it a chuppah and not incorporating a tallit into it, but I can't see any objection to a wedding canopy.  And yes, I am also Jewish.

catemeg

The concept of a chuppah is not exclusive to Judism, as 2dBride pointed out - Hindu tradition has a mandap at weddings.  So long as people don't portray it as an aspect of a religion they don't follow (such as putting prayer shawls on the canopy) but rather take elements of the concepts and make them their own, I think it's perfectly fine.

And for the girl who would be insulted if anyone took any aspect of a Jewish ceremony, get over yourself.  If I choose to walk down the aisle with both my parents because I personally feel that is a beautiful way to share the moment with both people who raised me, I'd find it ridiculous if someone felt, "You can't do that!  That's Jewish!"  If someone wants to have a canopy, it's not an affront to Jewish tradition.  If someone likes the idea of having a canopy roof that symbolizes building a home, that's great. Consider it a compliment that they like that style, but it's not intended to "copy" the religion - it's an adaptation of a concept that means something to the couple.  It's not a trademarked concept.  Get over it.

beamer84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_chuppah-not-chuppah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8224e5bb-d40e-47fe-8401-f4a2835f0f6fPost:2501cb73-9fcf-4d29-8746-a01eba70f047">Re: To chuppah or not to chuppah.....</a>:
[QUOTE]From wikipedia: "A chuppah symbolizes the home that the couple will build together. " So Christians don't build homes together? Or Atheists/Agnostics/etc? White wedding dresses were originally a Christian thing, sooo? Also, so were wedding bands. <strong>I can understand the whole "glass crushing" thing being weird for a non-Jewish ceremony, since it symbolizes the destruction of the Jewish temple.</strong> But a wedding canopy? Really?
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

I didn't know this. My FI is Jewish, and we did this at our ceremony. Neither of us knew its relation to the destruction of the temple.

amatadei

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_chuppah-not-chuppah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8224e5bb-d40e-47fe-8401-f4a2835f0f6fPost:7f95f955-e4c6-479f-9a89-0ad8c9dfce6e">Re: To chuppah or not to chuppah.....</a>:
[QUOTE]While what you said was right, there are other Religious meanings behind the Chuppah. It symbolizes the covenent that God made with Abraham. Traditional chuppahs are made using Prayer shawls, or Tallits. I was also taught as a child that a Chuppah is important because it allows Jewish couples to be married anywhere, even when there is not a synogogue around and still be valid because it represents that Covenent. Everything about the Chuppah symbolizes important religious JEWISH elements. Remember, not everything you read on Wikipedia, or the internet, is correct. And you're right. I would also be offended if a non-Jewish couple decided to break a glass at their ceremony. In fact, I would be offended if any non-Jewish couple took any elements of a Jewish ceremony and incorporated it into theirs. I just feel like they don't understand the importance of it, and do it only because they think it looks "cool" or find it to be trendy.
Posted by Fortunee[/QUOTE]

I was born Jewish but have since become a Christian and I say go for it if you want to have a chuppah, even going so far as to call it a chuppah. B/c, here's the thing-- the covenant between God and Abraham extends to all people, but especially "God-fearers" such as Christians, if you are looking at it from a Jewish perspective. From a Christian perspective, we are absolutely included in God's covenant with Abraham and therefore can find the same meaning as Jewish couples underneath this beautiful symbol of the home being bulit and under the blessing of God. That being said, it doesn't necessarily have to be built using a tallit, simply because that is not something represented in Christian traditions. Hoewever, I can't really see how having a chuppah could be offensive. It is offensive to you when a non-Jewish man wearing a kippot at shul?

PS.... The meaning of the breaking glass is up for interpretation. Most people claim its meaning as a symbol of the destruction of the Temple, though other interpretations include smashing the glass into as many pieces as possible so as to be a symbol of how long this marriage should last in comparision with the difficulty of putting that glass back together (if the glass is smashed into many pieces, the implication is that the marriage will last forever, since the glass is irreperably damaged). There are many other interpretations (you can probably Google it), including a joke about how this will be the last time the man can put his foot down. So, really, even the breaking of the glass does not have to be exclusively Jewish. There are very few traditions in any faith that cannot be borrowed by others, either with the actual meaning in mind or by finding meaning of their own.

christinelyn0131

Amatadai: When I was a child, my mom told me that it symbolized the strength of a marriage and I loved it (her father was Jewish, but she decided to practice Christianity). But, all my Jewish friends growing up told me it symbolized the destruction of the church.

amatadei

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_chuppah-not-chuppah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8224e5bb-d40e-47fe-8401-f4a2835f0f6fPost:5e43f5bc-78a5-421f-824d-7f551a4b459a">Re: To chuppah or not to chuppah.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Amatadai: When I was a child, my mom told me that it symbolized the strength of a marriage and I loved it (her father was Jewish, but she decided to practice Christianity). But, all my Jewish friends growing up told me it symbolized the destruction of the church.
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

That's my point, exactly! Many religious traditions have roots in other traditions. Christianity is absolutely guilty for stealing from pagan religions in the regions to which the faith was brought, down to the very date for Christmas (a pagan feast day), the idea of one priest/pastor (both Jewish and pagan traditions had priests; Christians did not for several centuries), etc. And, for many of the traditions, we adhere to them without even knowing their root meaning (Why is the bride on the left side of the aisle? B/c way back when, brides were kidnapped from neighboring areas and the groom had to stand on the right so that he had his sword hand free in case her family came to get her). The breaking of the glass is a perfect example-- the meaning of this particular tradition has been lost, though we have some educated speculations about its original meaning. So, I really don't understand why people get offended when cultures borrow from each other.

amatadei

Oh, and PS Christine, just an fyi... The one theory of the glass breaking is in memory of the destruction of the Temple, not church... Just a vocab lesson... The Temple (capital "T") was actually the second Temple built in Jerusalem (the first was built by King Solomon, which was destroyed by the Babylonian invasion of the Holy Land; the second Temple, known as Herod's Temple b/c he expanded it and made it into the grand structure it became, was destroyed in 70 CE/AD by Roman Emperor Vespasian following four years of Jewish rebellion). A church is, symantically speaking, a Christian edifice of worship. A temple, also known as a synogogue or shul, is a Jewish center of worship and learning. And, the Temple was the grand structure in Jerusalem that was, until 70 CE/AD, the center of all Jewish religious life.... Sorry, everyone, I'm a history teacher! haha!

christinelyn0131

OMG I'm so sorry. Church was a total typo brain fart! I meant temple/Temple.

amatadei

No worries-- it was actually more about my teacher mentality setting in (as is pretty obvious, I tend to drive people nuts when my teacher brain kicks in... I think learning history is a lot more interesting than other people do! .

Lisa50

We're having an outdoor ceremony, on a terrace, in July.  We will have a canopy for both aesthetic and practical purposes -- to keep the officiant and bridal party in the shade during the ceremony.