How do you not cry???

spartybride3

I can't listen to ceremony music, first dance music, or watch wedding shows or videographer demo's without crying. How do you make it down the aisle???!!! I'm afraid I'm going to bawl my eyes out! It's not like I don't want to shed a tear or two, but I'm terrified that I'm going to turn into a blubbering idiot. 

Any tips? What do I do?!

ceh789

Oh man, I feel your pain.  To compound the problem, I'm NOT a cute crier.  I get all red and horrible.  It's not going to be good.

spartybride3

Exactly! Its not like it would just be a tear or two...I will be sobbing and it will not look cute or sweet

ceh789

lol... this thread is making me cry - it's so bad...

LuckyGirl1713

will a glass of wine or maybe a mimosa calm your nerves a little bit before the ceremony??? i'm not saying get drunk but a glass or two may calm you down. i know it does for me!

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:b6a4a975-5dca-4f4d-8512-3fcfeb4d3e50">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]It is OK to cry at your wedding.  People will think it is sweet.  Carry a lace handkerchief.  Wear waterproof mascara.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>[QUOTE]will a glass of wine or maybe a mimosa calm your nerves a little bit before the ceremony??? i'm not saying get drunk but a glass or two may calm you down. i know it does for me!
Posted by LuckyGirl1713[/QUOTE]

</div><div>I don't think you ladies understand the kind of crying I'm talking about.  Drinking would only turn it into uncontrollable sobbling and no one will think it's cute - they'll think I'm unbearably sad and/or doing this at gunpoint.</div><div>
</div><div>I've considered trying to cry myself out in advance via watching Beaches and/or Steel Magnolias but that will leave me emotionally drained for my wedding.  I honestly can't think of a better plan.</div><div>
</div><div>We're definately doing photos before the ceremony :)</div>

Avion22

The only thing I can think of is to try to imagine yourself looking up the aisle at your future husband over and over and make yourself feel really happy instead of feeling sad.  I mean, I know you will BE happy, but continue with the imagery until it doesn't make you feel like crying.   Practice smiling, and play the music you plan to walk down the aisle to as you think about this.     

I've actually been feeling this way about dancing with my dad.  Every time I hear the song we plan to dance to I start to cry (even when I'm driving in my car).  It's kind of weird, because I'm no "daddy's girl."  So I've just been playing the song over and over imagining myself dancing with my dad, and I've been practicing feeling happy and not crying, and so far it's working.

jagore08

I'm a huge crier. I cry at just about everything.  I started to cry before my BM walked down the aisle.  My sister and best friend made a joke and that helped me from being a blubbering idiot while walking.  When I got up to the front my excitement kicked in and I was fine for the rest of the ceremony.  It wasn't until after we walked out I started bawling.  Then I realized how silly it was, that and DH was giving me this look like "Why are you crying now?!", and I just started laughing and crying.

It's ok to cry.  If you're worried about being an ugly crier or whatever, just take a moment to breath and collect yourself.  It also doesn't hurt to have some good friends around to make you laugh.

AdeleDazeem

I cried so hard at my sister's wedding when I was the MOH.  It was ridiculous and I was so embarrassed!  I swore I wouldn't do that at my wedding.

I used a lot of mental power to not cry at my own wedding, although my voice was shaky and instead of tears running down my face, my nose ran like a fountain!  I had to ask for a tissue from my mother in law. 

It's okay to cry!  My sister was crying when she walked down the aisle.  Halfway down she stopped with my dad, looked at everyone and said "This sucks!!" because she was crying so hard.  Everyone started laughing.  It didn't help her stop but it did lighten the mood!

harpsdesire

My plan is to listen to the emotional music a bunch of times ahead in hopes of getting desensitized to its tear-jerking power.  I'm not sure how well this will work but it's the best plan I can think of.

I'm not a huge crier but I surprised myself and freaked out FI by crying like a baby when we got engaged, and I don't want a reprise of that.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:f0342072-83c5-43d3-8814-4ce7ae9f6fc0">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm one of those people who cries at commercials ...
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]
Oh god, have you seen the Subaru one that starts out "a lot can happen in 200,000 miles".  I'm tearing up just thinking about it - it's the best commercial ever.

Girlie1030

I am a huge weeper.  I'm still known as The Crying Bridesmaid from my friends wedding 11 years ago. 

I did what Harps did and listened to our ceremony music over and over again for months before the wedding.  And like jagor, I started tearing up but my MOH made me laugh before it got out of control and then I was concentrating so hard on not tripping down the aisle, it never had a chance to start again. 

SugarFoote

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:ebe4abcc-7e2a-4374-a1c9-c05d847015df">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]will a glass of wine or maybe a mimosa calm your nerves a little bit before the ceremony??? i'm not saying get drunk but a glass or two may calm you down. i know it does for me!
Posted by LuckyGirl1713[/QUOTE]

lol I would be drunker than cooter brown!  I've done come to terms that I'm just going to squall my eyes out. I am also not a cute crier...red puffy eyes, stuffy nose, this weird gasping sound. lol not a good thing.

MrsKathyC

I agree with PP's, have your MOH or whoever keep you calm beforehand and your Dad during the walk.  If you can manage it somehow, have a couple of friends seated next to the aisle in different spots to give you a chuckle on the way down.

I was crying on the way down the aisle until my SIL cracked a joke and then I was fine.  I just needed one deep breath before the vows.

ceh789

You sure can:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IunR7Ajxl6E

That one is a huge tear jerker.  The dress made me laugh though - hi 80s!

Magdala9

Some brides will cry throughout their wedding.  I spent the day grinning like a maniac. 

wowand135

I almost cried just reading about that commercian that I've never seen!

NOLAbridealmost

I cry at commercials. I cry at other people's weddings. I cry all the time for silly reasons.   I couldn't/didn't cry at my own wedding. There were just so many emotions happiness, nervousness, surreality (whatever that is), and excitement that my body just couldn't focus on the sentiment and cry.   

H cried like a baby though. It was precious. Everyone loved it. 

lildynamyte

This is the best question ever, I'm just saying.  So waterproof mascara is a given, but that doesn't help my redheaded complexion from turning pink and splotchy.  I don't think I can fix that the color of my face speaks what my emotions are at any given time.  The upside is that my eyes turn the brightest shade of green when I cry!

Also, to prevent overwhelming emotion on our wedding day, I try to go to the ceremony site now and then.  Since the ceremony is in Audubon Park in New Orleans where I live, it's easy to stop by.  We are getting married under the Tree of Life, which has story of it's own.  It is a 200+ year old oak tree that is rumored to have been planted by a plantation owner for his new bride as a wedding gift.  When I go there I like to take pictures and walk under the limbs and imagine how it's going to look on that day.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:c1524de3-c5a0-4939-98e1-911fab21220c">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]The music was pretty horrible too.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]
Maybe THAT's how I'll keep the sobbing under control - I'll spend the ceremony trying to figure out how Michael Bolton has a career in music! Of course, then I'll look confused in all the pictures... confused or sobbing - what's the lesser of two evils?

beth34608

Maybe we all could try and picture the audience in their underwear??? I am going to try and focus on looking past the groom as I walk, ( I think if I look directly at him I will lose it). I will be walking alone, so I have to make myself not cry.....hope I can do it! I am trying to listen to the song I will walk to also. I am only getting teary listening to it now, not sobbing; that's a start . We are also taking pictures before the ceremony, I am hoping that will help calm me down too.

SugarFoote

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:dd71925b-6af0-4a5b-87af-2343f798edbf">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]Some brides will cry throughout their wedding. <strong> I spent the day grinning like a maniac. 
</strong>Posted by Magdala9[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh! I can so imagine me doin this!

RussoWill

I somehow managed ot no cry during the ceremony (I had a 1 minute mini-meltdown about 10 minutes beforehand, but you would have too if you were there!)
My MOH, on the other hand, had never been to a wedding before and cried the whole time- like huge crying, not just a tear. We have some great ceremony shots with H, the officiant and I with MOH all red faced and crying in the background.

Sscholfield

Are you going to see your FI before the ceremony? I'm a huge crier too, but we're going to see each other before the ceremony, so I figure I'll get it all out during our "first look".

random4180

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-do-you-not-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:87c535f2-5950-4ff4-9036-4c6f33ea02ffPost:dd71925b-6af0-4a5b-87af-2343f798edbf">Re: How do you not cry???</a>:
[QUOTE]Some brides will cry throughout their wedding.  I spent the day grinning like a maniac. 
Posted by Magdala9[/QUOTE]

<div>See, that's what I envision too! Although I am totally the kind of person who gets a little emotional during commercials or the Olympics or during the first twenty minutes of Up...I can't see myself doing anything but grinning when it finally comes time to get married.. That's what I did when I found my wedding dress, too; I could not stop smiling. I was smiling so much my face hurt. </div>

GuinGirl

I've had this same fear... and it's funny cause my FI will tear up if he sees me tear up... he's so used to me tearing up anytime I sing the Star Spangled Banner at sporting events, I think he would be stunned if I didn't cry... but he's already expecting to well up himself

I just hope my inlaws to be keep me laughing and won't let my nerves get the best of me...

MelissaSavin

My husband and I made a deal....a plan rather.  When I got about halfway down, he did this cute little head nod thing that I love.

He happen to do it at the exact right moment...my eyes were welling up and I could barely see anything but I blinked and captured a glimpse of his head nod.  Suddenly, all the tears being held, dried and I smiled my way down the isle.

But truthfully, it is more than ok to cry on your wedding day.

shipsinthenight

I cry at everythng. I cry at movies, sweet things fi does, when I'm tired or sad...He has even said "when do you not cry?" I don't think there's a way to not cry, or avoid walking down the aisle while sobbing. Have a handkerchief that you can tuck somewhere with you all day. Dab or roll tears upward, do not pull them downward, this leaves streaks. Drinking will probably make it worse, don't wear yourself out emotionally with a movie...hopefullly by the time the actually ceremony arrives, you'll be so excited you'll cry less. That's what I'm hoping for at least.

KWats2011

This was me... I cried just about every day leading up to the wedding- and then on the day- I just didn't! I was so happy or excited, or I don't know what, but I just did not cry! Not saying this will happen to you- you may still cry and that's okay
I was like some of the previous brides- smiling like crazy, laughing- you may surprise yourself!

Negazilla

So the best way is anticipatory greiving.  Once a day, start thinking about the feeling of walking down the isle, the first time you see your groom's face, having your Dad give your hand to him and giving your father one last kiss as his little girl.  Cry your eyes out, rinse and repeat.  The more often you do it the more prepared you will be for the feelings you will experience day of.  It's like watching a sad movie too many times.  Eventually the tears just aren't there.  

Nindakay

To echo PPs, I am crying just reading this.  I have a big ole knot in my throat.  And waht happens?  A call comes in to my extension at work.  LOL~ I swear I sounded like I was crying when I said my greeting.

I am hoping that all of the adreneline (spelling??) will kick in that day, and I will be too excited to cry (also an ugly UGLY, LOUD crier!!).  When we got engaged, I just giggled and giggled all night.  Our wedding blog is called "She Giggeled as she said yes"  so that's what I'm hoping for!!