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New York-Upstate

Church Wedding

Hello,  So we have a dilemma, my fiances church is booked on our date. We can't move the date due to family out of town, and other friends and families weddings. I know we are kind of backwards but finding a reception place was a nighmare so I'm kinda happy we did get it first. (yes it is our dream reception and we are paying for our weddings ourself so we do not have a big budget.. this place is perfect!) We already have the DJ, caterer and photographer booked for that date.

I'm am from CT so My church is out. Since we moved to upstate NY we haven't been devoted church goers. We both are catholic and have made our confirmations and want to get married in a church. I have been calling around asking curches local to where our reception is to be held. I get a lot of rude answers that we should have picked the church first, and that we need to be paritioners of their church to get married there. Does anyone know how to find a church. Are all catholic churches this rude? Mine back home would welcome anyone open arms.. they may have asked for a larger donation, but they would let you in! We can attend a few masses but we are not all that close to where the church would have to be. If it comes down to it we may be able to have the ceremony outside the reception but that is the last resort. Any nice churches around Troy? Please help!

Re: Church Wedding

  • pandasquishypandasquishy member
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry they were rude to you, but they're right.  In the booklet we got from church about weddings there it said not to announce a date until it was cleared with their calendar.  Ceremony > reception because you can't have the reception without the ceremony.  Most Catholic churches will not allow you to get married there unless you are a member.

    I'm sorry I don't have any actual leads for you.
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  • edited December 2011
    It's all in the approach.  We got married at a church we are not members of so it is possible.  The priests in the Capital Region are very busy.  Several of them are priests at three or more parishes.  This adds to the inability to perform marriage masses for everyone.  Are you members of any church?  Are you willing to join one? 

    Most churches don't want to be used just as a building for your wedding.  If you are active catholics and show an interest in the church, you will have an easier time booking it.  We are active members of our parish in VA and got a letter from our priest stating so.  We also went physically into the church office and talked to the lady in charge of weddings.  She was slightly cold in the begining but as we talked about random things she warmed up.  It is also usually a requirment to contact the church six months in advance of the wedding so you can complete all the precana and premarriage requirements. 

    If you don't want to join a parish then maybe look for a retired priest that will perform a mass outside or possibly at your reception location.  I hope that helps a little.  I know churches are very sensitive about being used as a backdrop and then never seeing the couple again.  Good luck!
  • stacie7861stacie7861 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I can totally sympathize with what you are going through, we had a similar situation happen.  We all set, had the church and priest all booked.  Then the church we were using (my family church for over 20yrs) told us we couldn’t have children under a certain age in the wedding party or as guests.  Yes, we had told them we had children in the wedding party when we booked the church, no problems at that time.  We then found out that the priest (my fiancés priest of more than 10yrs) double booked himself.  In the matter of 2 days we were out a church and priest and YES the people at the churches can be very rude!

    Try RPI chapel, not a huge place but it’s nice and they are usually friendly, but I am not sure if you have to be an alumni or not.  We also looked at St. John's Episcopal Church in troy when we ran out of Catholic churches to call and they were friendly.  We ended up with a catholic church in Clifton Park and our reception is in Schenectady.  We had to have the priest who was going to marry us call the church and talk to the priest there, so you may also need to have your priest from CT call once you find a church you like.  Sometimes when the request comes from a priest to priest it helps. 

  • edited December 2011
    Im sorry I don't have any help for you - but where in CT are you from? Thats where I grew up too!
  • edited December 2011
    There are really nice chuches in Albany that are not far from Troy such as Blessed Sacrament and St. Mary's.
  • edited December 2011
    I am currently living in CT but our wedding will be in Saratoga Springs this October. FI is a non-practicing Catholic but we are happy to have gotten in with St. Mary's church in Ballston Spa, NY without a problem. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I live in Latham, Ny and I am not a member of a church. I am not catholic but Christian and I am looking for a church to get married in. does anyone have any suggestions?
  • jcasey513jcasey513 member
    edited December 2011
    SO the search continues... My future FIL is asking his preist again since he found out they do double weddings there... (at different times) . Although my future MIL thinks she heard them having a tag sale type event then... FIL is also from a catholic High school so he will ask them too... I hope he has more luck then weve been having! What a great FIL :)
  • AKatharineAKatharine member
    edited December 2011


    Newtonville United Methodist Church, is a large old church, that is gorgeous. The pastor is soo nice. It is my church I've grown up there, they allow you to bring in your own officiant and let you use the church. So maybe you could have your home town minister come here and marry you.

    She is so nice and would totally marry you. But I understand wanting to stay within your denonmination.

  • jcasey513jcasey513 member
    edited December 2011
    Thanks..... we finally found one!! Holy spirit in E. Greenbush. It's where my FIL went to High school so he called in a favor :) Fr. O'Brien is very nice. We are finally able to breathe! Just signed up for Pre Cana too! Now if the florist and the cake people could get back to me I'd be all set ....
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