SURPRISE! We're getting married....

ABaumhauer

Ok, so I've been engaged since February 2009 and actively planning since about June... Well, long story short, we have brain stormed and finally come up with an idea for our wedding We had planned a May 8 ceremony/reception at a beautiful hotel. However, we're just not having as much fun planning the ceremony as we had thought we would.. something just doesn't feel right to us. So we came up with an idea.... Why not invite our immediate family down to the hotel for a fancy meal/party for New Years Eve and surprise them that we are getting married right then and there! I've googled the idea and seen nothing but fun and creativity! Our ceremony was originally going to be immediate family only (no maids or groomsmen) so this definitely follows along that same idea.... Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

aerinpegadrak

I thought about doing something like this, but my main concern is that people might have no problem bailing on a NYE party, especially if they have standing plans elsewhere, who would make an effort to attend your wedding.

There was a girl on P&E a while back who did a surprise wedding, but it was at a backyard BBQ that her family attended every year.  I imagine family members might feel pretty bad to find out that they missed your wedding because they didn't know it was going to happen.

jenn.daniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_surprise-were-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8911965d-a379-4202-9289-870763715716Post:1d83cca3-da7e-4c95-9587-e0ebb32d1ab5">Re: SURPRISE! We're getting married....</a>:
[QUOTE]people might have no problem bailing on a NYE party, especially if they have standing plans elsewhere, who would make an effort to attend your wedding. Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I would be one of those people who would miss the wedding b/c  I always go to SC for new years.  Since it's family, it wouldn't be as hard to pull off, though, if you know they don't usually do much for NYE.

MyNameIsNot

Logistical problems aside, I don't get it.  Why would you want to do this?

aerinpegadrak

I actually see a lot of appeal behind the idea.  You get the fun of the party without being pulled in a million different directions by the demands of variuos family members.  Mom can't spend months harping on your color choices if she doesn't know the wedding is coming.  It could make the process much less stressful, because people aren't really coming into a NYE party with the kind of expectations they have for a wedding.  Plus, it would be really memorable.  The looks on everyone's faces as they realize "Holy crap, they're really getting married right now" would be priceless.

mbcdefg

An acquaintance of mine actually did this recently ... she and her FI had an "engagement party" at a catering hall and had several dozen guests in attendance. The person who wound up being their officiant brought them to the front of the room and made a speech, and then said something like, "Would you be willing to get married right now? Ah, but it's a shame you don't have rings or anything," and the husband pulled two rings out of his pocket and the guy married them right there. The wife posted a video on Facebook and it was pretty funny to hear the whole crowd collectively gasp when the guy said, "Dearly beloved ..."

I wasn't invited (again, this was an acquaintance), but I knew several people who went and said it was really nice. And since the couple had commented that they weren't thrilled with the idea of planning a big wedding, this approach seemed to work out for them. They just wanted to be married without all the fuss.

One con, though ... apparently they kept the secret from EVERYONE they knew, so there were some people who didn't attend the party thinking it was only an engagement party. Even one of their parents who lived out-of-state So, if it's very important to you that certain people be in attendance, you might want to spill the beans to them but swear them to secrecy.

And if your loved ones will still think that the wedding is on May 8, just be sure that nobody's bought plane tickets or anything yet ... otherwise I think it would be right to reimburse them for their lost money.

megk8oz

I think it's a neat idea ... in theory.

I just keep thinking that there are lots of people who's NEY I wouldn't attend, and in my circle of family and friends, we all tend to do the same thing for NEY every year (We all have our own parties or traditions we follow). And a lot of these people who's NEY party I wouldn't go to, I WOULD attend their wedding. So if I'd be pretty upset if I missed something so important just because I have my own tradition for NEY.

The other thing is for anybody who already made the travel arrangements for May, you'd have to let them know to get a refund (Or if they couldn't get a refund, it would probably be a good idea to reimburse them).

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_surprise-were-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8911965d-a379-4202-9289-870763715716Post:dbc3f770-5168-4592-8b6e-f41ae4b8a217">Re: SURPRISE! We're getting married....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's a neat idea ... in theory. I just keep thinking that there are lots of people who's NEY I wouldn't attend, and in my circle of family and friends, we all tend to do the same thing for NEY every year (We all have our own parties or traditions we follow). And a lot of these people who's NEY party I wouldn't go to, I WOULD attend their wedding. So if I'd be pretty upset if I missed something so important just because I have my own tradition for NEY.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

OP could just tell people who decline, if it's very important for them to be there, in confidence that it'll really be their wedding.

But then you run into the problem of people who say that they'll be there, and then bail at the last second. I've admittedly done that for a few friends' parties but would feel REALLY bad if I found out later on that it was a wedding, so I see your point Meg.

[Deleted User]

I really like the idea! I would have loved to get married on New Years Eve, but my FI's twin already took that idea I'm getting married on May 8, btw. haha But I think if you can make a big deal about it, like-perhaps, say you want to start a tradition with your SO, and just really hype it up, I don't see a reason why anyone would miss it! Good luck, hope it works out!

Jamilynn627

My inclination was to like the idea, but surprise weddings can be complicated. My cousin did something similar and quite a few people missed it because of other plans, having left late, traffic, etc. Since everyone thought it was "just a party," they didn't show up early as they would have done with a wedding. A lot of people were hurt and upset to have missed it.

missesmoxie

It's so strange that you should post this because my SO and I are doing the exact same! We're going to tell out of town guests the importance of it, but we want most of our guests to be surprised. I love the idea of it because people are always too willing to tell me when I need to get married and what I should have in the ceremony and what my dress should look like, etc. Imagine how bad they would be if they realized I was getting married! It's less stressful this way.

What's most important is that it's what you and your SO want. It is, afterall, your day!

xokristina89

I guess I just don't see the appeal of doing this. Won't your parents be pissed if you keep them in the dark? And if even just one person finds out and slips.. then that person slips to another person, and then you do the new years thing and everyone is just like... oh.. cool.. we already knew.

I don't know, i just don't see the point of it in general..