Family Wedding Drama

jennbabyrom

Anyone else out there having family drama? I'm in the process of asking some family members if they would like to be in our wedding party when I get a message that my own brother doesn't want to be a groomsman because he doesn't feel comfortable with my fiance( this was my fiances idea to ask my brother because he thought it would help to make them closer) and my sister-in-law( my brothers wife) thinks it would be too much stress for her. These may be legit reasons but it just seems a bit fishy to me. Lets not forget that my oldest niece is refusing to be a part of the wedding as well. The two of us have never gotten along and I thought this would be a good way to start over but her mother( my sister in law) stated that she should not have to kiss my butt and would not be a part of my wedding. There may be some jelousy issues but I can't be sure. All this crap started when we got engaged and my fiance said he wanted us to have a nice wedding which my brother responded with ( you are stupid to have a fancy wedding just do what we did and get married in your backyard.) And then when I got my engagement ring and showed it to the family my sister in law lost hers and my brother bought her a new one. I don't know if I'm just reading too muc h into all this but how do I get out of this mess. Any advise would be great.

MnMShaw

 I kind of know how you feel because my sister said something similar about my wedding that your brother did.  When I showed my family my ring, my sister replied by telling me how it was a waste of money and we should have spent our money on something more important and how proud they were that they spent $50 on her ring from Walmart.  I kid you now.

Some advice I learned:
-It is your wedding, no one cares about it really but you.  So expecting other people to care will just dissappoint you. 
-Find out what people are excited and do care, and share your excitement with them, not with those that don't care.
-Also, just be glad they dropped out of being in your wedding now.   My MOH dropped out 3 months before the wedding and I couldn't replace her.  If they don't want to be in it, then trust me, you don't want them in it either, they will cause you more stress.

It's your day, no matter what drama leads up to it, it will still be the best day of your life.  :-)  Congrats!

jennbabyrom

Thanks for your reply and I'm sorry that you went thru that. Funny that you mentioned that about the MOH because my fiances brother got married this past Aug and one of the bridesmaids dropped out at the last minute and I stepped in so I guess this sort of stuff happens alot.

chloetutor

That's so frustrating! Why do people feel the need to rain on this really special time in y'alls lives? This is the only time you get to do this, and they should be excited for you. Our family hasn't been that bad, but FFIL keeps whining about us getting married anywhere but our hometown. And how terrible we are for "spending so much money" on the wedding, when I've actually been busting my butt to scrimp on every area of this wedding. Grr!

In the end, I just had to learn to tune it out. I've been avoiding some people I know are super negative about the wedding, and if I am around them I avoid discussing the wedding. It's y'alls day. Not theirs.

SarahPLiz

While this is frustrating, it is not surprising. First, you should only ask those you are closest to. Asking someone to be in your WP is not going to make them like you more, nor is it going to obligate them to like you. It seems like you are trying to buy their favor by making them buy a dress and stand up next to you. That sort of choosing only leads to drama.

If your Brother does not like your FI, or feel close enough to him to be a GM, that's perfectly fine. Not everyone has to be close to everyone. If you really want him in the wedding, then ask him to stand with you. Yes, that happens now a days.

Also, don't go choosing people just to fill spots and try to have an even wedding party. Symmetry is not important at all!

SO basically, there is no drama if you don't let there be drama. If your brother and sister in law decline, that's their perrogative. Tell them you will be happy to have them their as guests and then get on with your planning. No big deal... really!

akg0053

I agree with Sarah.

Thing is, is that MnM is also correct, in my opinion. People will never care as much about your wedding as you do. While you are excited, the fact of it is that to most other people it's just another wedding. Now, that's not to say that some of your closest friends and close family aren't excited, and those are the people you should choose to be in your wedding party. Your intentions to include these people to make/repair relationships was a nice thing, but in the end, pick those that are close and actually care.

If there is jealousy, then that's her/their problem. Not yours. Either way, reading too much into it and analyzing it over and over isn't going to make it better or end the drama. In fact, it could just create even more drama.

Sadly, these are things I've learned recently while dealing with extensive family drama of my own. Thankfully, it has little to do with the wedding, but sadly it involves almost everything outside the wedding.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

reddie36

My brother is standing on my side as a bridesman, and FI sister is standing on his side as a groomswoman, and he has a Best Woman too! So yes, you can ask your brother to stand with you instead if you'd like. It sounds like he may not share your excitement for a 'big wedding' instead of a backyard wedding, but I'm sure he is happy for you regardless of that and his tension with your FI. People, especially family, will contantly give you their two cents on how you should do things, and comparte it to what they did, etc. so just do what you want and what makes you and FI happy - in the end that is all that will matter when you look back on the day.

jennbabyrom

Thanks guys for all the great replys.

newsgirl5000

I'm sorry you've had to go through all that drama. I feel your pain because my situation is I haven't spoken to my brother in a year but I want my niece, his 10-year-old daughter, to be a junior bridesmaid in the wedding. I keep meaning to call him and just ask him but there is always some drama in his life that prevents me from asking him because I'm afraid I will really upset him. He hasn't even met my fiance!
Also, I haven't spoken to my dad in two years (and neither has my brother) and I don't plan on inviting him to the wedding.
If my brother keeps this up, I may not invite him either to the wedding.
What I have learned is:
• if you have time, don't be in a rush to make decisions regarding family members in your wedding party. It's easier to ask someone later than ask someone and then "unask" them
• This is your wedding! (I think a lot of brides have said this who have replied!)
• If it makes it easier, have very few attendants or no attendants at all so people don't get their feelings hurt

I hope things work out for you!