role of fiance

julianels

So I'm curious what y'all think your role as future wife/fiance is in your new family.  Are you close to your fi's family?  I am very close to my FI's family.  We actually are living with his parents until FI graduates and finds a job.  Since we are living with his family, inevitably tensions arise and I am confused as to how to handle these issues.  Just smile and nod? Take FI's side?  Be objective?  I try to be as objective as possible.FSIL is quite jealous...not really sure of what but I can tell.  I have invited her to be a part of the wedding planning but she declines each time.  She is a bridesmaid but I'm not sure she knows what that means.  My own family is quite different than FI's.  My parents are divorced and everyone kind of does their own thing...only reuniting at holidays.  We keep in touch via email and phone and go out to dinner when everyone is in town.FI's family seems to be more gossipy so its strange to be thrown in the mix without a background for me to draw on.Just curious what yall are going through with yall's future family in laws.

julianels

Also, FIs family is more close knit.  FSIL lives at home and FBIL lives not far away.  Family is important to them but they are also their own person.  They talk about everything together.  My FMIL is very warm and caring.  I am really lucky for that.  She just wants to make sure everything is going okay for me.

annacasey

Your situation sounds exactly the same as mine. My family are like yours, and I'm v. close with his mom, and they've got all kinds of family politics. I even have the negativity from the FSIL. I find that the best thing to do is be nice to everyone, don't get involved with anything (learnt this the hard way so take my advice - even though I was taking my man's side, I'll never get involved again). I take any worries I have about anything to his mother and explain I just want the best for my man and she usually gives great advice, which I usually follow, unless it's too close to getting involved. Just focus on keeping his mom on side, ignore any negativity, let him handle FSIL (he knows her better remember) and be there with hugs and a confidential ear if he needs to talk about them (and not too many of your own opinions if possible! They're his family, try not to whine about them to him too much. Save that for your girls). Hope that helps!

genevasully90

I got lucky with my future in-laws. My family used to be so close, and I loved it! In the past 6 years, my parents have divorced and everyone usually does their own thing now. I have missed that close relationship with family until my fiance came around. They are so sweet and I feel more a part of their family then my own. The only bummer is that FSIL is very jealous and likes to compete with everything I do. She was an only child, and I don't think she knows how to share the in-laws with me. Her parents live in Colorado, so we both spend most of our time with the in-laws. Every time I do something, she trys to do it better. And she constantly says things to bring me down in front of the in-laws. Boo! Other than that, I absolutely love my fiance's family!  

julianels

Yes, I think FI's family fill a void that I have since my parents are divorced and the family is somewhat scattered about the country. However, it is hard to feel fully accepted and I'm not sure if thats just me overanalyzing or if it is real.  FSIL is jealous for sure...