etiquette questions x2

jenn.atx

Should we invite out of town family to our couples shower?  Moms, Aunts, sisters, brothers?  Want them to feel included but don't want them to feel like they need to send a gift. 

Now one for the wedding... We have limited numbers and a friend told me that her husband won't be able to make it to the wedding and she wants to bring someone else. I think I know the RIGHT thing, but a small bitter part of me wants to say no since I was IN her wedding and was not allowed a guest (although I had just start dating my FI at that time) due to "number/budget contraints".  We really do have the same retraints (that's not just me being bitter).  : )

You ladies are always beautifully/brutally honest (which I love).  As always thanks so much for your insight. 

 

kelseymw

Question 1- If they are that "immediate" of family members, yes, definitely invite them. Just because you think they won't come due to distance doesn't mean they shouldn't be included. Your parents and siblings should be priority on any guest list. (Granted, you may have untraditional family dynamics or a situation where you aren't close with these people. In that case, I understand the reason for doubt.) The whole reason you have a shower to begin with is for gifts. Don't be ashamed; you're getting married! 

Question 2- If you were planning on inviting this friend and her husband, you were planning on having 2 seats for them to begin with.  While it's rude for people to bring a random uninvited person to a wedding, your friend and her husband would be taking up 2 seats anyway had he not made prior plans (and what if his plans change, they still might need those 2 seats). The only way to ensure that your friend "takes up" only 1 seat is to send her an invitation exclusively for HER. However, it would be very rude IMO to exclude her husband just because she told you he won't be able to make it. 

Hopefully that makes sense! 

akg0053

Question 1: I would invite them to make them feel included. In my family, there is really no such thing as "immediate" as opposed to "non-immediate" because my great-aunt is one of my very best friends, and even though she lives in North Carolina, I would invite her.

Question 2: Yes, the "polite" thing would probably be to let her bring somebody in case her husband can't come. From my (and my budget's) point of view, if she can't bring her husband, then that's rough but I wouldn't let her bring anybody else. I would address the invitation to her and her husband. For our wedding, this rule stands especially if I know that the person coming alone knows somebody else at the wedding. 

If she is a good friend of yours that know other good friends that will be in attendance, then I wouldn't let her bring another guest. Now, if she knows nobody else at the wedding, then I might make an exception for her since that can be a really awkward situation. 

HTH!

MnMShaw

1. Yes, I would invite immediate family to my showers whether or not you think they can come.

2. No, I would not let someone bring a random person to the wedding that I do not know.  Your wedding is about you and your husband and you are celebrating it with YOUR friends and family.  Why would you want random people in your pictures of your wedding.  I also think it is selfish to have the friend even ask you if she can bring a random person.  She is coming to the wedding for you, not to hang out with her other friend she wants to bring.  That's my opinion.