Nice wedding under 5k and my parent's thing I'm overspending! : /

Suzumechan

First, SIA that it's so long, I've been holding my feelings in for over a month now.

So when my FI and I announced our engagement to my parents, we eventually got around to talking about what we wanted our wedding to be like, and ultimately what that might cost. Well I have been looking at the cost of weddings for 2 or 3 years, and figured I could have the simple DIY wedding that I wanted for 4-5k (not including the cost of a honeymoon). And they looked at me like I was crazy, and basically told me that tiny amount would be a waste of money!

My sister/ MOH got engaged about 3 months before I did, and they even encouraged her to elope!

I know that they have like, NO money (Both my mom and step-dad are disabled/ on Social Security due to injuries and can barely make ends meet) but I never once mentioned them paying for anything, or asked how they could help with the wedding. I just feel like they strongly encouraged both my sister and I to have literally nothing courthouse weddings/ reception at our own home so that we wouldn't ask them for money! I expressly told them the FI and I would be footing the bill ourselves, but they still are unsupportive of us "Spending way too much money" on OUR wedding.

I guess the main problem is everytime I bring up something, or try and get ideas or ask for help planning, they sort of roll their eyes and go "Oh, there she goes again spending a whole $200 on a cake, or $60 on her bouquet."

So my question is, how can I share my happiness with my planning, or ask for non-monetary help from my mom (who is GREAT at decorating and making flowers!) when I am always embarassed to talk about what I want, which may not be the absolute cheapest option?

Suzumechan

Okay, update. I found out that my sister does have a little bit of a budget to work with, and is going to have food and some things, which makes me feel better. But I still don't know to talk to my mom  about my wedding, when I know she is going to comment on how much everything is. : (

ashleyandphong

Good luck, my budget is the same and we're having a hard time. If it's any consolation I think you're being very conservative with the spending!

Soon2bMrsD5860

My FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves as well.  Our parents do not know what we are paying, and since it is our money we are spendng its none of their business.  I think your best bet to keep them off your case is to not talk about the money involved.  They can't make snide remarks if they din't know.

RebeccaB88

Agree, stop  telling them anything about the wedding, especially how much something costs.  It's none of their business what you choose to spend your money on.

WendyToo

I would have an honest conversation with your parents about it.  Let them know that you are managing your money and spending what you and your fiance are comfortable with.  Tell her that you would like to be able to share this experience with her, but feel juged by her reactions.  

There could be any number of reasons why they are reacting the way that they are, but it's probably not out of malice. I'm sure your family wants you to be happy at the end of the day.

rachf

Well, my mom was like "oh my goodness my wedding did not cost that much. Surely prices haven't gone up THAT much." Well excuse me, I felt that was very disrespectful to me, because I had looked high and low to find the cheapest option for just about everything. 

My dad gave us $5000, and we can't fit everything into that budget.  I got a very inexpensive wedding gown, we are planting our own flowers for the reception centerpieces, and I'm printing the invitations for free.  I found the least expensive photographer for $900 (including all pictures on a DVD), and she told me that I could have not spent all that money on a photographer and then I wouldn't be running out of money.  I searched for photographers for A YEAR. We are paying for the rest of the wedding ourselves. His family is unable to contribute.

Anyways, I'm in the same boat.  I think you are being very frugal and obviously they haven't helped you look for venues, photographers, etc. or they would realize the average price of a wedding is over $10,000! And that's not even a huge fancy wedding,

baseballmom1969

It seems that people have NO idea what to spend on photography! Those pictures are the ONLY thing that you get to actually keep from a wedding. Yes, you may keep the dress or bouquet but those pictures help you to re-live your day each time you look at them. 900.00...is really nothing compared to the rest of your lives.