Do you have to have a unity candle/sand/handfasting/etc?

charbakes

We're having a secular wedding and therefore don't have a lot of religious traditions to lean on for the ceremony. I know a lot of secular weddings do unity sand or candle ceremonies, or handfasting. We're not going to have an altar, and a sand or candle ceremony just isn't our style. A handfasting isn't either. We can't think of many other ceremony traditions like this, and are contemplating just going straight from the vows to the rings and kiss, and skip some sort of symbolic ceremony. Is that a faux pas? Do you think people will miss that in the ceremony? Or does it not really matter? WWYD?

Gabrielle76

Actually a handfasting is a deeply spiritual ceremony.  However, no one will miss the "unity ceremony", you can totally skip it if you want.

M&MJK

No, you don't.

monkeysip

These various traditions (with exception of the unity candle, which was basically made up on a tv show) developed from different belief systems and have specific meanings.  If you don't associate with these belief systems, or don't particularly see the meaning behind them, then don't feel the need to incorporate them.

There's nothing wrong with a short and sweet secular ceremony.  And there's nothing wrong with a secular or religious ceremony that involves these meaningful traditions.  But my point is that you shouldn't feel the need to just choose "filler" events to make your ceremony longer or more interesting, you know?  These traditions lose their meaning that way.

I'm not a huge fan of unity traditions in general.  The unity is present within the marriage ceremony itself, and particularly within the vows and rings.  You don't need an extra external sign of unity, you know?

[Deleted User]

You definetly don't have to have this part in the ceremony, FI and I are signing the marriage certificate as filler.

Peledreamsofrain

It's your wedding, do what you want

But I would advise that you research what you are interested in, as some stuff is just non-secular 'filler', and some isn't even really appropriate for a wedding, or for casual trendy use.

For example, handfasting is not a wedding ceremony, but more akin to an engagement ceremony (with a few more rights to property).  If after a year the couple wants to officially marry, they complete an actual wedding ceremony.  And it is an ancient and deeply spiritual ritual steeped in British Isle tradition.  It's also considered very pagan by many American churches, which means many clergy members refuse to allow it.

My fiance and I are non-religious people ourselves, so we are going the non-secular route, and are performing a wine ceremony.  It's a lot of fun, fulfills the symbolism role, and allows us to engrave glasses and a decanter that we can pull out on our anniversaries as a special treat.

kaitpetry

THis is a funny question because I usually role my eyes a little at all the extra symbolism people try to imbue thier ceremony with (sometimes it works sometimes it seems really unnecessary, for ex. my friend had a foot washing ceremony, with a sand pouring thing, and a unity candle. Like.... why?) I personally think that the exchange of rings is symbolic, and thus, your ceremony probably doesnt need any extra symbolism. sooo.... no. No you do not.

amberlopez2

I agree. I would rather just swap the rings, say the vows, and kiss my Groom, then be done with it. My Pastor strongly "suggested" that we do something traditional like. So we will be sharing a short poem at the alter after the vows instead of doint the sand/candle etc.