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New Jersey - South

Where are the tears?...long

I know this will be long...Well, everything has been going so smoothly the past few weeks, I should have been expecting something bad would be coming. I finally started my new job as a Speech Therapist, only 11 days left and pretty much everything is done, my mom got all of the candy in for the candy buffet she is puting together for me, my b-pics turned out frickin awesome which in turn gave me a confidence boost, and did I mention the wedding is only 11 days away!So, you can understand why I was blindsided yesterday by my little cousin's facebook update that said "RIP Don Lee H***" both my grandfather and uncle's name. So I say to FI in disbelief "I think Pop died...or maybe Uncle Don..." He gives me a confused look and then I dial my mom's # and ask "what's going on?". She replies calmly "what do you mean?" and then starts sniffling and asks if my dad and sis were there yet...confusion and realization.... Then she starts sobbing and tells me she's on a plane to FL because Pop died. The next words out of her mouth were "Don't worry everything will be fine for the wedding." and the doorbell rings.My sister and dad proceed to assure me that everything will be fine by next week. SERIOUSLY? my grandfather just died and my family is concerned that I'm going to freak out about wedding plans? I mean I'm thankful that they are here to help, but I'm more worried about my little mommy and how she is dealing with this. I'm a little worried about myself too because I haven't even cried at all. I was never close to my mom's dad (he was a grumpy old man who was almost always condescending and mean to me), but he was still my grandfather and I should be feeling some sort of emotion here...I just really don't want wedding day to roll around and have a nervous breakdown and cry all day. I also want to do something in his memory, but not sure what. I don't want my mom to be sad and really don't know what I'm supposed to do right now... totally lost and all the little planning things seem so unimportant...I just wrote all this here because I know you girls understand the emotions leading up to the big day and can sympathize w/ how upside down I feel now. At least I get to pick my dress up from rose today... if that counts as a silver lining...
TTC since 7/10
First RE appt 10/11
Me- 29; DX- Stage II Endo & hydrosalpinx
DH- 34 w/ "borderline morph"
12/2011, 1/2012, & 3/2012- tamoxifen+TI= BFNs
Lap- 4/11/12- removed ovarian cyst, adhesions, and repaired twisted tube
IVF#1- BFN
IVF#2- ER 10/14; Transferred 3 beautiful 8cells on 10/17; BFP! 10/29 beta#1- 152, beta#2- 378, beta#3- 755
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~ S/PAIF welcome ~

Re: Where are the tears?...long

  • edited December 2011
    Oh Jaime I'm so sorry you have to go through this at all let alone now. I felt the same way when my grandfather died. I didn't cry and I thought something was wrong with me. Sometimes we deal with things in different ways. That doesn't make it wrong or mean that because you're not crying now that you will cry on your wedding day. Be there for your mom but take care of yourself. Sometimes death can bring out the best in people and you might be surprised how this will bond your family even closer for your wedding. My friend lost her mom the week before her cousin's wedding and didn't know how it was going to affect everything. Guess what...it didn't. The wedding still went on without a hitch, everyone had a good time and yes it was bitter sweet that her mom wasn't there to share but life goes on and you have to remember that. Yay for getting your dress. Keep your head up and stay strong!!! In 11 days you are going to be walking down the aisle in your beautiful dress with your beautiful hair and makeup and it will be great!!!!
  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry that this is happening to you! I agree with Bunchy 100% that grief hits everyone differently at different times.  Some people cry a little and some cry alot and some don't cry at all-there is no normal reaction to a great loss.  I'm sorry if I sound "preachy" but I work with grief and loss everyday and have come to learn that grief is a tricky thing and there is no "normal" way to grieve.  If you cry, it's ok and if you don't, that's ok too!If you need any help with anything, def let us knotties know b/c we are here for you!It's great to hear that your dress is ready-you will look beautiful on your big day!
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry Jamie! Everything will turn out great...and if you do cry it's ok..and if you don't that's ok too! You will grieve in your own way and in your own time. (((hugs)))))
    Pregnant with twins! :-) BabyFruit Ticker Follow Me on Pinterest my read shelf:
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry this happened to you. My grandfather died a few years ago, and I didn't cry. I didn't really feel anything. I knew him pretty well too, but he was sick for awhile, so it wasn't a shock. At his funeral my sister was balling her eyes out and I felt really guilty that I didn't feel anything. The next time I went to visit my grandmother, and he wasn't there, then it hit me. I still didn't cry, but my heart just felt like it hit the floor. Hug your mother as much as possible. And don't worry about crying on your wedding day. Almost every bride cries at some point during her wedding.
    .
  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you.  I totally and completely agree with what all of the girls have been saying, there is no right or wrong way to feel.  Your feelings are yours and how you handle your grandfather's death is unique to you.  It may actually be nice for your family to have your wedding to look forward to- a happy occassion where everyone can be together and celebrate life and love.  Enjoy getting your dress tonight!
  • edited December 2011
    So sorry you and your family are going through this. Cut yourself some slack as everyone has said you will grieve however it comes naturally, so you haven't cried yet. It just happened. One thing I learned when we lost my father 6 months before the wedding people are stronger than you think. I thought I would be a mess come wedding day and was not I had a moment in the morning and was fine all day. My sister had a harder time. I fell apart 2 days later. Your mom will likely have a harder time than you especially since you were not so close to him. Be there for her and everything will be fine. I also decided not to do anything in memory of because i could not have handled that and my dad would not have wanted me crying. Just do whatever you want and don't force anything becuase it's expected. GL
    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/smdsld.jpg[/IMG]

    Jerry & Diana 8/29/09

    TTC since 11/2009

    HSG 4/2010 dx blocked tube

    1st IUI 8/10/2011 50 chlomid + ovidrel bfn

    9/2011 follicle on blocked side no IUI 50 chlomid

    2nd IUI 10/14/2011 100 chlomid + ovidrel bfn

    3rd IUI 11/6/11 Letrozole + ovidrel bfn

    4th IUI 12/30/11 Follistim + ovidrel bfn

    5th IUI 1/26/12 Follistim + ovidrel no ovulation bfn

    6th IUI 5/24/12 Follistim + novarel ovulation confirmed bfn

    7th IUI 6/17/12 Follistim + novarel proj check 6/22/12

    P/SAIF welcome!
  • edited December 2011
    Hi. I'm so sorry about your loss. My FI's grandmother died two weeks ago and we get married this Saturday. I know it will be hard for his family and his mother especially. FI didn't cry until the end of the viewing. I know guys are different but I was suprised he hadn't shown any emotion and then, bam, there it all was. Even if the emotion never comes for you, that's okay. Good luck with the last 11 days and my thoughts are with you.
    BabyFruit Ticker

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  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry about your grandfather. As PP's have said, don't feel bad about not crying. Nobody reacts at the same time in the same way. I am sure your family was just trying to be supportive when they didn't want you to be upset that anything would change with your wedding. Your wedding will be beautiful and a nice way for your family to celebrate something after this loss. Good luck with your dress! So exciting!
    image Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I want to thank all of you ladies so much for all of the heartfelt responses. I've never lost a loved one, so the grieving process is new to me. Unfortunately, the service is being held today because of the time restraints (my wedding) and I was unable to fly down to FL with less than 24 hours notice. I'm just really bummed I couldn't be down there for my mom. But luckily she'll be home, with my Nana, on Sunday. So I'm going over to my parents to clean and go grocery shopping and will have a nice meal ready for them when they get in from the airport.Thank you again for all the support!!PS-I thought I could check the 10 day today, but I'm one day early... LOL... as if I need one more thing to think about that I can't control
    TTC since 7/10
    First RE appt 10/11
    Me- 29; DX- Stage II Endo & hydrosalpinx
    DH- 34 w/ "borderline morph"
    12/2011, 1/2012, & 3/2012- tamoxifen+TI= BFNs
    Lap- 4/11/12- removed ovarian cyst, adhesions, and repaired twisted tube
    IVF#1- BFN
    IVF#2- ER 10/14; Transferred 3 beautiful 8cells on 10/17; BFP! 10/29 beta#1- 152, beta#2- 378, beta#3- 755
    image Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ~ S/PAIF welcome ~
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