So for those of you who offered advice to me a few weeks ago on my shower drama, I wanted to thank you all again and offer an update for those who are interested... My wedding planner (who is actually a friend who is going to school for wedding planning and really helping me out) contacted my bridal party and explained the situation to them... they all chipped in and they, along with my WP and future MIL told my mom if she didn't have the money, they would all cover the cost and plan something, all she needed to do was provide who they needed to invite from my side of the family. How do I know all of this? Because after the invitations went out, my mother called me up and told me the date and location and informed me that because the shower is taking place before my sister gets married, she informed everyone from my side of the family not to go to the shower and told me that my friends and FMIL had no right planning something before my sister's wedding. (Keeping in mind this is over a month after the planned shower, it wasn't like the next week or anything.)
I asked my FMIL and planner to just cancel the whole thing at this point, I was beyond fed up with the entire situation and the whole thing was ruined for me. After two weeks they finally came to me and told me that they were going to postpone the shower until after my sister's wedding to ensure my family would come and no one would be upset... I called and told my mother and told her that everyone was to leave me OUT of the entire planning process of whatever they did for a new shower. Her response was that she would not plan it, she would put in money but she did not want my planner involved and since my FMIL works, she felt I should be the one planning it and communicating with everyone. The last time I spoke with her (a week ago) I told her to forget it, I was done, I was sick of the whole thing and it was not worth going through all of this to get some appliances and towels. So I have no idea exactly what is going on anymore with this shower but I hope I'm done hearing about it from them from now on, whether I get one or not!!!
Once again, thanks for the input you all gave and for making me feel like I'm not crazy for thinking this is totally not acceptable.