New Jersey - South

Need some advice

I'm not too sure if this is the right place to post but I need to vent...

I'll try to make this as short as possible!

My fiance works in the hotel industry and is a Food and Beverage Manager works all sorts of hours (which I am already used to)  About a year ago they hired a girl to work the front desk. My fiance being the nice person that he is introduced himself to her and if she ever had any questions to ask (he does this for all new co-workers) again I did not have a problem with this until he told me that she had called and asked if he could go apartment hunting with her and her friend as they would like to live near the hotel. He said he would and went with them (which I was ok with once again since I thought this was going to be a one time deal) Boy was I wrong...she had been calling him for many of other reasons as well.
I told him that I did not like the fact that she had called him asking to go apartment hunting with her and callng him for other favors as well and that I think she likes him. He told me not to worry and that she is just a co-worker trying to get settled in NJ and he would tell her not to contact him unless it was strictly work related.

A few months ago as we were narrowing down our wedding list he tells me that I was right about her and that she does like him, but he does not like her and that I am the one he is interested in. To make things worse, he had also told me a couple of months ago that there are rumors going around the hotel that my fiance and her are seeing each other...which I know are not true..(my fiance has never cheated on me nor has he cheated in past relationships...)...That's when things started to annoy me...So ast week he had told me that she applied to a position located in Connecticut ( which I thought was good news for me) Later on he tells me that he got a phone call from a person he knows who works at a hotel in Connecticut and a position had opened up and to apply if he was interested ( annoyed even more) I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything until yesterday. She had called him and told him that she had gotten the job and that she will be taking it...I at this point was upset and did not talk to him until we had left to go to dinner with his friends...

I told him I want to call her and tell her to stop texting/calling my fiance unless it is strictly work related...

Am I over-reacting? What should I do?

I've already spoken to him about it and he says I have nothing to worry about and that if he was interested in any other woman he wouldn't have asked me to marry him.
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Re: Need some advice

  • edited December 2011
    I don't know you personally but since you are asking for advice so I will say what I would tell one of my friends- your FI needs to cut off all communication with this girl now !

    I wouldn't like my guy to hang around with a girl all the time and have her calling all the time-major boundry issues there! The fact that your FI has told you that this girl likes him and he still continues to have a relationship with her would def not fly with me.  The fact that you don't feel right/comfortable with his relationship with this girl should be enough for him to stop it and I said for him to stop it not you.  If he really respects your feelings and your relationship, than he would do the honorable thing and break all ties with this girl.  If he objects I would def question him and his reasons for wanting to go to CT

    Good luck to you!
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  • edited December 2011
    This would really bother me. I understand if it was only work related issues and every now and then but not like you described it. I know your FI told you there is nothing to worry about but here is my issue. This is your husband to be if he knows how much this upsets you out of respect and his love for you he should have cut off contact when he found out she has feelings for him. You really need to make sure he is able to stop communication with her. I don't want to make you upset but some guys enjoy the attention from another woman and enjoy knowing that they "still have it". I'm not saying that he is doing this but if he hasn't put his foot down with this girl he could be leading her on, especially if there are work rumors going around. I would find out the real reason he still communicates with her. I truly hope everything works out, GL!
  • achang531achang531 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What bothers me even more is that when I talk to him about this he gets upset at me!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_south-new-jersey_need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:128Discussion:4ba95147-d7ef-41fb-9818-0b1eeadd319bPost:802fa629-9a61-428c-aa6c-a7d3a156e64b">Re: Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]What bothers me even more is that when I talk to him about this he gets upset at me!
    Posted by achang531[/QUOTE]

    He needs to see that this is upsetting <strong><em>you </em></strong>and that he is half of the reason for this girl staying in the picture.  If he can't hear you out, then how can you trust him and be able to communicate with him about anything ever again? Good luck!
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  • Kim84mKim84m member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_south-new-jersey_need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:128Discussion:4ba95147-d7ef-41fb-9818-0b1eeadd319bPost:802fa629-9a61-428c-aa6c-a7d3a156e64b">Re: Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]What bothers me even more is that when I talk to him about this he gets upset at me!
    Posted by achang531[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm really sorry, but that's not a good sign at all.  I asked my husband about this to get a man's perspective and he thought the apartment hunting thing was very strange to begin with.  Knowing it bothers you and not cutting it off is bad, but knowing she likes him and still not cutting it off is not only really insensitive to you, but insensitive to the other woman as well. </div>
    .
  • achang531achang531 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Update:

    So I talked to my fiance last night and he is going to tell her that I am uncomfortable with her calling him for whatever the reason may be and that he does not want her to call him anymore. He said he didn't realize that it hurt me that much...part of it is my fault as well since I'm the type of person who, even though things are bothering me I let it go for so long until I can't take it anymore. He said that he is not going to consider the job that is in Connecticut and will be looking elsewhere if the opportunity comes up.

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  • Jess&MikeyJess&Mikey member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't want to be rude, but this sounds like a similar situation that I was in and he was cheating.  If he is not interested in the girl and it is causing turmoil in your relationship, he would have told her not to call him with personal problems/questions.  I think you should question this person and find out what exactly is going on.  Hope everything works out for you!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm glad he realized how upset this is making you. I would just make sure he is also not putting all of this back on you. Like oh my FI doesn't want us talking so we can't now. He should step up to the plate and put his foot down, I love my FI I need to focus on our relationship, move on with your life congrats on the job in CT, good luck. He should not want to talk to this girl.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_south-new-jersey_need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:128Discussion:4ba95147-d7ef-41fb-9818-0b1eeadd319bPost:6cb0ae5b-8042-4909-b25b-f4193f3e914f">Re: Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm glad he realized how upset this is making you. <strong>I would just make sure he is also not putting all of this back on you. Like oh my FI doesn't want us talking so we can't now. He should step up to the plate and put his foot down, </strong>I love my FI I need to focus on our relationship, move on with your life congrats on the job in CT, good luck. He should not want to talk to this girl.
    Posted by demarcosjd[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this! If he says "We can't b/c fi doesn't want us to" sort of translates to "I still want to but I'm not allowed." Only when she realizes that he doesn't want to talk to her anymore can he finally get rid of her
    What demarcojd suggested he say sounds perfect.  Good luck to you!
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