Wedding Shower/ Bachelorette Party

tyleet87

I wanted to post this here because I just would rather not deal with mean or rude people on certain boards. So thank you for being so nice here!

So who goes to these seperate parties? I'm making lists now and I have no idea who I should invite.

kara811

For your Bparty, invite your close girlfriends, sisters/cousins, your FI's sisters if he has them? It's really up to you, then give your list to who's throwing the party. 

You can invite both males and females to the shower. Also, from an etiquette standpoint, only invite those who are also invited to the wedding, same goes for the Bparty. 

Rethany

I agree with all of Kara's points.

I am inviting closest family and friends to the shower.  You don't have to invite all females that you are inviting to the wedding.  You can pick those closest to you.

tyleet87

Ok so is it kosher to invite males to the wedding shower if FI is also attending? I would prefer a wedding shower as opposed to a bridal shower. But then it might get awkward. I know the traditional bridal shower gifts, but what does one get at a wedding shower?

Our registry would be for the actual wedding, correct?

kara811

Yes you can invite males to the shower. A wedding shower is the same thing as a bridal shower. You will be getting gifts from your registry unless your  guests don't want to buy anything off of that. 

Rethany

My brother and sister-in-law had a wedding shower together.  Both males and females were invited.  I don't see anything wrong with it.

Your guests will use your registry for both your shower and wedding.  If your FI will be at the shower, you could easily add some power tools and other "man" gifts to the registry if he wants things like that.  This way you both can possibly receive presents you want.

Zimsgirl

I'm having two showers: one at school, one back home where the wedding is. I invited all of the women that are invited to the wedding that are close to either area (there are some parent's friends/relatives that are in Texas but I'll only send invites to realtives)

crownsuperstar

We had a couples shower that included all of the guys and girls.  I had a shower that was given just for the ladies.  The bachelorette parties (I had two) were just good girl friends.  I had one in town where I live and one in New Orleans. 

The registery is also for the showers as well.  Most of the time the people giving the shower puts that information in the invites to the shower.  I would not put it in the wedding invite.  I know some people do but I am old school and don't like when I get a wedding invite with registery cards.  You know what I mean?

tyleet87

Oh I had NO idea that you essentially get two sets of gifts from people. Is that right? Well all the ones that make it to the wedding shower of course.

That makes a lot more sense now. I really had no idea what to expect from a co-ed wedding shower.

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-shower-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a17a75-d9d3-4038-8895-e2dfff9e9e7cPost:99ec3daf-669e-49f4-9af8-2ed3369ff642">Re: Wedding Shower/ Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I had NO idea that you essentially get two sets of gifts from people. Is that right? Well all the ones that make it to the wedding shower of course. That makes a lot more sense now. I really had no idea what to expect from a co-ed wedding shower.
Posted by tyleet87[/QUOTE]

<div>It entirely depends on your guests. Some people count the gift they give at the shower for both that and the wedding, especially in this economy, 2 sets of gifts would be expensive for some. Others though do give 2 sets of gifts. Technically wedding gifts and shower gifts are separate, but a gift is not a requirement to attend a wedding, although at showers they are since that is the purpose of it. </div>

crownsuperstar

Typically people often give a gift at the shower and then at the wedding however like Kara said some people see the shower gift as the wedding gift.  I will say that if you invite people to more than one shower (ie: bridesmaids, furture mother-in-law) they should not be expected to bring a gift to each shower.  Not that you are thinking that way.  You know what I mean?

The couples shower for us had a theme associated as to where we went on our honeymoon.  The guys just stood around playing corn hole and other games and us girls had a dance party.  That is pretty much what we do when we get together.  I just went to another couple shower and the guys did the Low Country Boil (YUM) and the girls just caught up and then they opened gifts.

tyleet87

Oh I see. It makes sense now! Thank you so much for clearing that up!

LuluP82

Late to this but...it seems like some people think a bridal shower is a lingerie shower, which it isn't. That can get quite embarrassing for guests if they show up with a teddy and realize your great grandmother and your dad are there.

Usually, my friends will do a bridal shower (where we get gifts off the registry) and a lingerie shower (at the bachelorette party, so it's girls only). In my circle, people typically give cash as wedding gifts. So from my close family and friends, I got something off my registry, lingerie and a check/cash in a card. For not as close family and friends, we got a mix of registry gifts sent to our house ahead of time (as wedding gifts) or cash/checks at the wedding. No one brought a physical gift to the wedding (it's technically poor etiquette to do that, you're supposed to send it to the bride's home ahead of time).

NOTE-- I actually didn't have a bridal shower or a bachelorette since we went to the JOP and then had a blessing + reception. BUT, we hosted a tea (for the women) on Friday since our families and friends traveled to attend and we were so grateful (the guys did something different), and a lot of people brought me shower-type gifts there. My good friends also brought me lingerie and gave it to me privately.

tyleet87

Oh ok. So would it be weird to just invite family and close friends to the wedding shower? Or more of the guests going to the wedding? Like people I see on a regular basis but not exactly close to.