Military Brides

Advice??

Ok i am 19 and getting married 6.11.11 and the wedding is pretty much lined out so im not stressed over it. I am starting to stress over life after it. I will be moving cross country the whole 9...obviously im not the only one out there that has had to deal with this but Im wondering if there is anyone on this board that would be willing give some solid advice and calm my fears a little bit.
I know everyone says this but I really do have a great guy so us being ok together isnt my worry, anyway just looking for some advice on how to handle what will be my new life as a military (army) wife. Thanks

Re: Advice??

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My enmity for young marriage is well documented, so there's no point in going into that. 
    My advice is to have your own life when you move. Go to college, have an off base job. Don't have kids right away. Do not become a wife who is only her husband's spouse. 
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0802971d-0088-4b41-bb2e-177afa77670bPost:125fb735-79c7-4091-a3da-0adabbbaa44a">Re: Advice??</a>:
    [QUOTE]My enmity for young marriage is well documented, so there's no point in going into that.  <strong>My advice is to have your own life when you move. Go to college, have an off base job. Don't have kids right away. Do not become a wife who is only her husband's spouse. </strong>
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    Yup!
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It will be easier for you to settle in and make new friends if you get involved in something.  What are you interested in?  Do you want to go to school?  Find a  school nearby that has a program you are interested in.  There are also classes you can take on base. 
    If you aren't interested in school, find a job off the base.  Find somewhere to volunteer.  We volunteer with a local rescue and foster dogs.  Check around.  There are always people needing help. 
    If you are interesed, go out and find a church home or place of worship.  Tour around town.  Get out of the house as much as you can. 
    Always remember that this life is what you make it.  If you shut your self off and put no effort into it, you will be miserable.  If you put your self out there, you will find a second family. 
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Be sure to put your own best interests first.  It's easy to compromise and compromise and compromise when your significant other has the career that you are both following.  It's great to be a support system for each other, but that's just it - for EACH OTHER.  Don't just become his support system, maid, chef, etc.  Do things that are important to you - go to college, get a degree.  I highly recommend nursing as a career for a military spouse - it's VERY mobile! Get at least a part time job that interests you.  Join clubs outside the base - keep your identity.  If you are passionate about animals, volunteer at an animal shelter.  Do things that make you fulfilled and happy as a person, and you'll thereby grow and learn and become satisfied with the life you're leading, no matter where in the world you are.

    Expect an adjustment - if I may, read "Transitions" by William Bridges.  It'll give you a good idea of the challenges of going through changes like this.  Basically, be kind to yourself - you'll have good days and bad days, and be patient - you won't adjust immediately, but it doesn't mean you made a mistake.  Being open minded helps, too!  Good luck!!!

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  • duggan12duggan12 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    :) thanks everyone. I'm in my second year of school in California and trying to get my units transferred. Hopefully that works out well.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:0802971d-0088-4b41-bb2e-177afa77670bPost:60ab0512-663f-413d-a430-5c6484cb6224">Re: Advice??</a>:
    [QUOTE]:) thanks everyone. I'm in my second year of school in California and trying to get my units transferred. Hopefully that works out well.
    Posted by duggan12[/QUOTE]

    Be sure to put your education first, if push comes to shove!  If you can't transfer your credits, or if you do transfer your credits only to have him PCS again, then stay put and finish your schooling.  Long distance isn't the end of the world - it isn't fun, but it's worth it to get a good education.  You'll be glad in the long term that you did.

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  • edited December 2011
    So much good advice here! I agree with everyone else, building your own support system is super important.

    Right now I'm going to school in Ohio while my Fi is stationed in North Carolina - it's really tough, but we both know it's worth it in the long run. I agree that staying put to finish your degree, if needed, is a really good idea.
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  • k9lvtk9lvt member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Everyone has given great advice on here, looks like there are some good military wives/wives-to-be out there! 
    I grew up in a military household (my dad in the AF) so I've always known what to expect when I said yes to my Fi (Marine, going through flight school)
    The best advice on here is to make sure you have a life of your own, and not just be by your Fi's side and depend on him for entertainment, making friends, etc. 
    The military family is one that always amazes me. There are so many spouses going through the same thing, and it's always great knowing that. Use that support system, and always be there for another wife in need! 
    Great advice of having a mobile career!!!! I'm a Licensed Vet Tech, and it's great because vet clinics will be everywhere!
    A couple points of adviceI've learned over the years: I tend to ramble a bit, so bear with me, I try my best to organize my random thoughts haha
    1. I didn't think about this until my Fi brought it up today, and that's being in the know with ya'lls financial situation. What bills to pay, how to pay them, their due dates, etc. I thought I knew what all we had, but it turns out there was a lot more! (So THAT'S why I can't go shopping...haha jk) It'll help you feel a little more confident in yourself if he does have to leave for a long period of time, and it'll decrease the amount of stress of being on your own. :) This can also go with knowing how to do odd jobs around the house (or who to call to help), the cars being serviced, etc. Having confidence and independence will make deployments much more bearable. Ask your guy one weekend to show you this stuff, and believe it or not, the weekend my Fi showed me how to change oil in the car, fix a running toilet, and other odd jobs was a blast!!!! (and humorous for him) It'll bring you closer, make for good memories, and make your guy so proud of you, and let your guy rest somewhat at ease knowing he's not leaving a helpless wifey when he has to leave. 
    2. Be supportive. I always hear my Fi's friends talk about how it annoys them or even hurts their feelings when their wife bitches about the military, how it sucks, how you would say this and this to so-and-so, how plans are ruined, yada yada. Yes, sometimes the military does suck, but it's your husband's career, and you knew this marrying him. Venting is great, just don't talk bad about your Fi's career in front of him, save that for the girl talks. I promise, I know my Fi brags about how I am always understanding and supportive when it comes to his career, and it makes for a stronger relationship.
    3. Take every move as a positive thing, not negative. I remember as a kid, I used to cry when we moved, but as I got older, I started to realize that it was a lot easier on me and most importantly my dad if I looked at moving as a new adventure and a chance to meet new people. It'll lessen the stress in your life, and once again, build a stronger relationship between you and FH. 

    And last but not least....read "Married to the Military" Meredith Leyva ASAP! It tells you the jargon, gives great advice, and helps you know a bit more of the military family you'll soon be joining. 

    Best of luck to you and I hope my post wasn't too confusing hahaha!!!
    I imagined my life without my dogs once...it was the worst 30 seconds of my life.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the above advice about making sure to finish your education.  FI joined the Navy the beginning of my sophomore year at college.  We've been long distance for about two years while I'm finishing my degree (I graduate in May, getting married in June).  As tough as the distance can be sometimes, I know that staying in school was the right decision.  I never actually considered trying to transfer, because I've looked at it this way...when I move down there, he's still going to have to leave on deployment, so I still won't be able to be with him all the time.  So, instead of trying to redo courses that won't transfer, I'm getting my degree on time so that I can start my career so that we can save up to be able to buy a house in a few years and then try to start a family after that.  If most of your credits transfer and you can find a good school to go to, I'd say that the move is a great idea, but if it's going to set you back pretty far, then you may want to discuss having a long distance relationship for a little while.  Also, I think that doing a long distance relationship makes you stronger as a couple because you learn how to be independent people so that instead of depending on each other, you complement each other.  Best of luck to you and congratulations on your wedding!
  • duggan12duggan12 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Wanted to say thank you all again for the great advice. I would love to hear more if anyone has it. I just bought a copy of Married to the Military and both of my parents found that hysterical. My dad is retired Navy and they got married young as well. And thank you for the reminder to be supportive of him, we've had some issues with re-enlistment or not and I forget at times that the military has given him a huge boost in life even if I find it frustrating.

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