BM Concern

ctgal1083

I had originally asked my oldest friend to be my MOH, but after two months of not being able to get ahold of her, she finally contacted me and said she was simply to busy with life to be the proper MOH. So, then I asked my second oldest friend, and now I'm not able to get in touch with her. I've heard from her once in the last month. I usually call my friends to see how things are going, catch up on life since we're not longer in the same states. But I almost feel like I'm getting the run around on this BM thing. I understand people have lives, especially when you're a military wife, you're busy... I get that. But to not text, no phone call, no email? Part of me wants to resort back to feelings that I've done something wrong. Yet I'm one of the most laid back people there is. I haven't been badgering them over this wedding stuff. I picked the location, picked the date, picked the colors of the BM dresses, and told the ladies to visit Davids Bridal and pick out the style they want and charge it to my account... yet I can't get ahold of any of them to see if the ball is rolling. Not to toot my own horn, but when we all lived in the same town, I was the first person to help, the shoulder to cry on, the last-minute designated driver even though I had to be up in 3 hours to go to work. I've stood beside them during tough times and even as MOH during their special days (I upheld the MOH title proudly and did anything that was asked to ease the stress of the bride). Now I'm asking them to stand beside me on mine. 6 months til the wedding and I've heard nothing.
Oh, and bridal showers, forget about it. I know money is tight for alot of people, so my mom and I have opted to pay for everything as long as they set it up and keep it under budget. Unfortunately I have to have two - one Northern, one Southern bridal shower. But have I heard a peep from the BP? nope.
Am I destined to stand at the altar without my half of the BP?

SamiJoeB

I would call her (them), try to make contact again, and then if they don't respond, simply find someone else. Or maybe thats not so simple. I actually lost a very good friend when I didn't "pick" her to be my MOH, Why would I pick someone who told me several times that I shouldn't be getting married? And besides! My MOH was MY SISTER!. Do you have a sister? I was my sisters MOH at age 9. There really isn't a super easy solution to this and unfortunately, feelings will probably get hurt. If you can make contact, first I would ask if I had done something wrong. Give them a chance to explain thier reason for not contacting you. Perhaps remind them that it is an honor to be asked to be anyones MOH, and that with that honor comes responsibilities. (I think Yoda said something like that in Star Wars ) Tell them that if they aren't up to the challenge of being your MOH, then they should have let you know in the first place, if these girls really mean alot to you ask them if they would still like to be BM. I know that they have put you in a really tough spot, try to make the best of it. Be prepared to ask someone else, You could even ask your Mom (not traditional, but it would be sweet and you know she'd be there for you) I know I kind of rambled through my advice, but I will say, You don't want to have what happened to me, happen to you. One of my BM, just plain didn't show up.. TO MY WEDDING. Flaky people, shouldn't be in BP's. Good Luck!! Let us know how everything goes!!!

Beachy730

As much as I usually agree you with you Sam, and I know how hard you had it with your BM before your wedding, but I definitely wouldn't have any talk with your MOH about what an honor it is to be a MOH.

I'm sorry your friend is not responding to you.  I have to ask though, does she know she was the replacement MOH?  Maybe she has resentment because of that.  Or maybe she is just plain busy.  My BF and I can go 2-3 months sometimes without talking to eachother because we are on opposite coasts and have complete opposite schedules and are both busy.  

As for your shower, while it stinks to not get one, brides are not guaranteed a shower, and it is a gift thrown for you.  BMs are in no way obligated to throw one, and I really don't understand why you think you are entitled to 2.  I think it was rude to tell them "we'll pay for it, you just plan it," becuase that sounds like you assume you are getting one, and are entitled to one.  I do feel that every bride deserves to have one, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way.  In my hometown it is almost always the MOB who throws the shower, and my mom did mine.  Or I've seen aunts throw the shower.  Anyone can offer to throw you one, but you should never ask for it.  If nobody offers to throw you one, then you just don't have one.  

SamiJoeB

I Respect and Appreciate your criticism Beach!!  And I totally agree with you about the shower thing. I didn't get one, and I was fine with it!!

Beachy730

I knew you were someone who would't fly off the handle when i said it!