Invites

amh04

So I have a general etiquette question. I guess its going to come off more A list/B list type thing.
All of our family members are OOT - as well as maybe a handful of friends, like 6 total including the WP. Is it okay to send OOT invites on 12/29 and then send out in towners at the 6 week mark?

The reason why I ask is because FI finally got me his list for his command and thats freaking 54 people (if they bring dates) 54!!! This is me freaking the hell out because I wanted no more than 75 people at the wedding. We know most family won't come, but to error on the side of caution I was thinking about waiting until we know what family will and will not be there and then include the amount of intowners.

Holy invites is all I have to say.

calindi

Have you tried telling your FI that you can't accomodate that many?  I know it's a tricky situation, but you might try something like "people you've both socialized with outside of work functions" and he'll just have to say, "I'm really sorry, we'd love to invite you all, but our venue can't accomodate that many and we have to invite family first, so we limited it to people we've both hung out with outside of work."  Guys don't tend to hold grudges like girls, either.

Honestly, in your position, I probably would A-list, B-list, though I know we both might get crucified for that.  I'd send it to everyone except his work list, then tell him he can invite X amount based on how many others declined.  But do it as a group - don't send out a single invite to work buddies without all of them going out at the same time.  Perhaps send out the OOT ones 9 weeks in advance, rather than the typical 8, and then the in-towns around 7 weeks?  That way it's close enough that they shouldn't suspect that they're second-string.

firsttimersluck

I totally understand your concern. 

We did family invites first because a lot of OOT. We did the squadron last, and no one was offended... They knew that we wanted to be able to invite as many squadron people as possible and to do that we needed to know how much of the fam was going to make it. 

Do it. 

As long as you don't have like.. an in-town aunt that might talk to an OOT aunt and be offended/confused that she didn't get an invite yet... you're just fine. :P haha

amh04

Thanks ladies! Yeah - I was planning on doing the B list as a whole, that way it wouldn't seem B list. And all family is OOT and would all get the invite mailed out on the same day so that wouldn't be an issue. I just seriously freaked out when I saw that number and figured the only way to accomidate the important people he wanted to and whoever else he wanted to would be by doing the A list B list thing.
I appreciate you girls! I know it isn't proper and I can just imagine the etiquette board reeming me a new one, but... it just seems like the easiest route that would be able to include everyone.

firsttimersluck

Yeah, I seriously was in your exact boat. 

People don't even need to KNOW, but if anyone does, I would think they'll understand that family got invites first, then friends. There's no hard feelings with that since DUH family comes first :P 

H had a huge list of people we needed to invite, too. It worked out really well to get all the family taken care of and then invite the buddies. (The guys don't had an IDEA as to what their schedules look until a week or two before a date anyway; and nothing is set in stone until the night before on the flight schedule.) 

IF, for some reason people find out and it gets brought up, you just simply say, "We wanted to invite as many friends as possible, so we decided to find out how much family is coming first, so we can invite the maximum number of friends!" 

But I doubt it'll get to that. If you're sending out friend invites at the 4-6week mark then people won't know the wiser. 

amh04

It's good to know I'm not alone - or not the only one whose done this/doing it.

I seriously don't plan on telling anyone and your right, if for some reason it gets brought up - then I'll just resort to that option. Makes perfect sense.

Ahh - you guys saved my heart attack this morning. I saw that number and seriously went into freak mode!

firsttimersluck

Oh good. :] One less stressor for the wedding! Now get on those invites missy!!  

amh04

I need to - I'm going to start addressing them tonight! I'm nervous about my handwriting - did you just print their names on it? My handwriting is pretty good for the most part, but it isn't fancy by any means.

CAB1217

Eww guys, you're all B listers, and I cannot talk to you anymore! Hmmmph!!!! Lol amh I think youre fine with how you're doing it.

firsttimersluck

Nope. I got a caligraphy pen and hand-wrote them all in fancy cursive. H did all the return addresses in block lettering.. lol... He said "screw that" to the pretty cursive >_< hahaha

calindi

Here's another etiquette breach - I'm printing all of my invitations.  I downloaded really nice font so it's all fancy script, and I'm printing every single one.

The reason for the etiquette that indicated all invitations should be calligraphied is because a) computers & printers didn't use to exist, so this was the fanciest kind of writing, since even typewriters looked very crappy and stiff, b) when computers did exist, they used to only be able to print in Times New Roman or something equally stiff and less elegant.  I don't think anyone will care (or really notice) that my 'calligraphy' is a font rather than hand-done.  And if one or two people do, well, I'll just chalk it up to "I can't make everyone happy". 

kara811

Ditto the other girls. Do it like you're already planning on it. I think everyone makes a wedding etiquette "boo boo" once in a while. lol 

With that said, are you really comfortable inviting that much people from his command? H only wanted to invite those who are very close to him, his best buddies. They all came except for 1. I guess it was easier for H to decide since he knew most weren't going to come fly across the ocean for it. 

calindi

Yeah, ditto Kara.  Just because he gave you a list that big doesn't mean that's the end of the story.

I tried to prempt those "send me your list... whoops, yikes, you invited 4x as many people as I expected" by telling people specifically: "We have X spaces available for your family/friends/coworkers, so please tell me X number of names (including significant others) you would like to invite."  For the most part, it eliminated drama.  FI's family followed along nicely, which was good because I didn't expect that as apparently they had twice as many invites to FI's sister's wedding. 

ggirl2001

None of my he's friends from the military got formal invites since they were all deployed when they went out. I totally just facebook messaged them. that was just way easier. We also invited the guys he is closest too. Only 3 were able to make it. I am so freaking classy.

amh04

Well - that is the cut down version. I guess I should clarify that and I did tell him that if need be he will have to pick x amount. I'm only inviting like - 5 people (10 total) so I'm a little pissed about that. But it's mainly because I'm not friends with people from back in VB much anymore - we've all kind of just split off from each other. So.. I don't know. Most of them he does speak to on a regular basis. And it does include his COC since I remember being told your supposed to invite them.

Cali - Thats a great idea! How do you set your printer up to do that? I've heard of printing them like that and then just going over them with a pen. I might just do that since I don't have super pretty cursive.

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:9468daa4-81c4-40a8-985d-2aaf9c669735">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]None of my he's friends from the military got formal invites since they were all deployed when they went out. I totally just facebook messaged them. that was just way easier. We also invited the guys he is closest too. Only 3 were able to make it. I am so freaking classy.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Thats classic! I'm totally just sending the invites in with FI and having him hand them out at work. I am not planning on mailing them - I can't imagine how hard it would be to have FI go and get their addresses and mail them out - hell I have a hard enough time trying to find out if they are married or not!

calindi

AMH - here's the font I downloaded: http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/old-script.htm

You just set up your Microsoft Word in an envelope format, and you can mail merge your invite list from an Excel file (I have all their addresses broken down into the various lines that I want to use for addresses:  Names1, Names 2 - in case of kids, Address 1, Address 2, City/State, and Zip).  Almost any home printer is capable of having an envelope setting very easily (they have little moveable tray markers that allow you to place the envelopes correctly - just be sure to pull out the tray so it doesn't roll them and thus melt the envelope closed or bend it - do a trial first!).  You can do it on any old printer - I'd suggest a laser - if you're doing black or gray font.  For colored font, you'll need a color printer, obviously.

When I mail merge, it ends up looking like this:

kara811

Amh: Definitely just have your FI hand them out. We didn't bother sending out the invites to those we knew we will see. H handed his out to his friends, and when we went to WA for Christmas, we gave them to all of H's family during the big Christmas party they do. It saved us so much money on stamps since our invites cost $1.40 each to send out! 

Also, I printed on our invite envelopes with the computer too. My handwriting is so bad and I didn't want to ask my mom to handwrite on 100 invites. I just googled how to do it. There's a specific button you have to click on your printer preference page. It will show you how to load it on there too. If you are using MS Word, you'll also have to use the "envelope" option and put in the dimensions, if it isn't already there,  this way it types it out perfectly onto the envelope. 

ETA: Cal beat me to it with a better explanation too! 

AmandaSC1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:28f2a3f8-099e-458e-8253-ccfe5fb2a12e">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]AMH - here's the font I downloaded: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/old-script.htm">http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/old-script.htm</a> You just set up your Microsoft Word in an envelope format, and you can mail merge your invite list from an Excel file (I have all their addresses broken down into the various lines that I want to use for addresses:  Names1, Names 2 - in case of kids, Address 1, Address 2, City/State, and Zip).  Almost any home printer is capable of having an envelope setting very easily (they have little moveable tray markers that allow you to place the envelopes correctly - just be sure to pull out the tray so it doesn't roll them and thus melt the envelope closed or bend it - do a trial first!).  You can do it on any old printer - I'd suggest a laser - if you're doing black or gray font.  For colored font, you'll need a color printer, obviously. When I mail merge, it ends up looking like this:
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS is what I am doing. I know it is against etiquette to print them out, but personally I don't have the time or desire to hand write 90 addresses, and I think it would look much better than my handwriting.  If someone is going to get their panties in a bunch over writing on the envelop, I don't want them at my wedding anyway.

</div>

amh04

Sweet thanks ladies! I'll have to play around with my printer and get it just right.. I'll work on this tonight!

I think I'm going to do the same thing Kara. We are going to KY for a few days before Christmas and VA a few days before Christmas as well. So I'll just bring them along and hand them out while I'm there. Get FI's immediate family done, and his BM and then my family and my BMs and what not. Awesome idea and super easy way to save some $ too!

amh04

Cali - I LOVE this site - I kind of really like this font - and since our wedding isnt super fancy it kind of goes.
http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/susies-hand.htm

calindi

For anyone looking for a nice font for wedding invitations, or printing ceremony booklets, or anything else, here's some free calligraphy fonts - you just pick which one you want, click "download", then open it and click "Install" and then it's ready to use in Word or any other program that uses fonts!!!

http://www.searchfreefonts.com/categories/calligraphy.htm

firemedicrr

I love the printed font idea... and if its something that really bugs you, you could theoretically do it in a really light grey and trace it if you want it to "look" handwritten. My sister did all her addressing by hand (calligraphy) and she did in pencil first and then used a pen overtop. lol. Totally agree w amanda tho- if they get pissy based on whether or not the envelope was hand or computer done, I don't want them at my wedding.

AMH- I'm totally with you on the A/B list- family invites first (we will probably do them even earlier because we're talking cali and want them to have time to RSVP/respond back in some way shape or form... I'm basically waiting to invite my friends from the hospital until I know how many I can invite. That saves me from offending anyone, and it'll be easier to say that we sent invites to family first... totally genius. 

also, FI checked with his COC and was told that E's weren't really expected to invite their COC- more an O formality. He doesn't want to waste the money on it, since its an out of the area wedding anyway. (well, that's as of right now- we will see what he says when it's actually time to send them, lol)... 

amh04

Fire - Thanks for pointing that out! I mentioned it to FI and he goes 'sweet I'll just invite my LPO and Chief since thats who I deal with anyway' He was a little in a huff because I wanted to do the whole COC since I thought it was a formality - apparently he doesnt even know who his DivO is or anyone else for that matter - then again his shop is pretty backwards.

crownsuperstar

C- I printed everyone of my invites.  GASP!  My mother just about died.  She was killing me.  I said well "Mother (insert my smart butt tone) back in 1902 when you sent out your invites they didn't have computers. Now they do and I am going to print."  She just rolled her eyes and walked away. 

I didn't do the B list guest just simply becuase I don't really care for it and if I wanted them there they would have been on the A list.  You know what I mean?  Although there were members of my family that I wanted on the "Do not let in list"  Oh and H didn't invite hardly anyone from his area.  Another GASP.  HAA

firemedicrr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:ea2ef662-0b39-48e3-8c9b-5c2a6c9e3514">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]C- I printed everyone of my invites.  GASP!  My mother just about died.  She was killing me.  I said well "Mother (insert my smart butt tone) back in 1902 when you sent out your invites they didn't have computers. Now they do and I am going to print."  She just rolled her eyes and walked away.  I didn't do the B list guest just simply becuase I don't really care for it and if I wanted them there they would have been on the A list.  You know what I mean?  Although there were members of my family that I wanted on the "Do not let in list"  Oh and H didn't invite hardly anyone from his area.  Another GASP.  HAA
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

<div>If we had the funds to invite everyone we wanted to, that'd be great- but it's just not really feasible for us, unless we don't allow +1's which we've thought about doing. We're just limited because, while we aren't paying for a venue, we have to rent tents, chairs, etc.. add to this the fact that almost all of his friends and family are on the west coast, so we'll be having a second reception there in conjunction with their family reunion for those who can't afford to fly out to the wedding, and it becomes way too expensive to invite everyone- but it's okay. Ultimately, I'd rather be married sooner than wait until later to be able to invite everyone we'd like to invite, kwim? all this to say, I do understand the a/b list, even though it sucks to have to do it.</div><div>
</div><div>and I lol'ed at the family that you wanted on the 'do not let in list'. Hilarious!</div>

firemedicrr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:6c0b0594-900e-4727-b04f-be38a0046a49">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]Fire - Thanks for pointing that out! I mentioned it to FI and he goes 'sweet I'll just invite my LPO and Chief since thats who I deal with anyway' He was a little in a huff because I wanted to do the whole COC since I thought it was a formality - apparently he doesnt even know who his DivO is or anyone else for that matter - then again his shop is pretty backwards.
Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>no problem :) It makes sense when you think about it- if he doesn't even know who they are, what's the likelihood that they will know who you guys are? whereas they are more co-workers for officers.... but maybe that's just faulty logic. haha .

</div>

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:46ecca58-b7c2-4034-9f69-12e3e5c72321">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's another etiquette breach - I'm printing all of my invitations.  I downloaded really nice font so it's all fancy script, and I'm printing every single one. The reason for the etiquette that indicated all invitations should be calligraphied is because a) computers & printers didn't use to exist, so this was the fanciest kind of writing, since even typewriters looked very crappy and stiff, b) when computers did exist, they used to only be able to print in Times New Roman or something equally stiff and less elegant.  I don't think anyone will care (or really notice) that my 'calligraphy' is a font rather than hand-done.  And if one or two people do, well, I'll just chalk it up to "I can't make everyone happy". 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Granted, I had a company do it for me cause I'm not creative like you, but all mine was printed too. And they were stunning. I dare anyone to say they weren't.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

tyleet87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:0a3858b4-06d6-4158-be9b-ac4e01f3c4b3Post:28f2a3f8-099e-458e-8253-ccfe5fb2a12e">Re: Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]AMH - here's the font I downloaded: <a href="http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/old-script.htm" rel='nofollow'>http://www.searchfreefonts.com/free/old-script.htm</a> You just set up your Microsoft Word in an envelope format, and you can mail merge your invite list from an Excel file (I have all their addresses broken down into the various lines that I want to use for addresses:  Names1, Names 2 - in case of kids, Address 1, Address 2, City/State, and Zip).  Almost any home printer is capable of having an envelope setting very easily (they have little moveable tray markers that allow you to place the envelopes correctly - just be sure to pull out the tray so it doesn't roll them and thus melt the envelope closed or bend it - do a trial first!).  You can do it on any old printer - I'd suggest a laser - if you're doing black or gray font.  For colored font, you'll need a color printer, obviously. When I mail merge, it ends up looking like this:
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

That's what I'm doing as well Cal. :)

And we are not inviting anyone from his co. We have some family and friends that didn't make the cut either.