Feeling Down...

ishatag

So. How often do you consider throwing in the towel on the dream and just running away instead? I know it's normal to get overwhelmed and think 'we should just elope" but I'm really starting to lose heart. My family has not been as supportive as I'd thought they would be (not about US, but about my location choice) and the Army is treatening to take him away away. Like steal him from one deployment just to place him on another, longer one. And I know that even if he comes home, he'll just go away again. I've lost the faith I had that this would all work out. (And, just to be clear, I'm talking about the wedding, not the relationship.)

blondiealwayfun

I think at the end of the day you have to be happy with your decision. If you want to elope, or have a little wedding. I personally eloped, and loved it because it was just me and the hubby. but now I am having another ceremony for the family, with a dress and everything. on our 2 year anniversary. You have to remember that marrying a man in the military is like marrying the military. I mean they can take them away, or do anything they want because they pretty much own them. I know that's weird to think, but it's a lot different then a normal job. We all deal with deployments, they all have to leave but they come home! If I was you, I would have my big wedding, then if he has to deploy again, just make the most of your time together. Gl with all the planning!

swhelan

I so totally understand where you are coming from.  When my fiance left on deployment we weren't even engaged yet. we were still just boyfriend and girlfriend and yet we were still very close and very serious.  He and I have talked many times about legalizing our marriage (basically getting married at the courthouse) and then doing a big wedding still like were planning for the family (like we were still planning).  I am still debating on the JoP portion of it.  I would stick to your guns.  Most if not all of your people (caterer, venue, photographer etc) will, since your fiance is military, be willing to work with you on your dates and stuff.  All you have to do is ask.  As far as your family is concerned I do agree with the PP that YOU are the one that has to be happy with the location as it is YOUR wedding.  We do deal with deployments as they come and go from time to time, but also as the PP stated make the most of whatever time you have together, each and every second that you get. 

MrsWilson0611

I have my heart set on beautiful, traditional wedding and I am not willing to give that up due to FI's career choice.  All of our contracts have a military clause so that we can change the date if he is deployed, etc.  As long as you are patient and flexible there is no reason that you can't have your dream wedding! 

mehgank

I agree with Molly (pp). Just cover your a$$ and make sure you have a military clause in your contracts with your vendors. And yes, I have considered eloping, but the guilt that would ensue about not having either of our families there would be too great. Plus, I want the dream wedding sooooooo bad. This is my second marriage, and I had eloped with my first husband, so I'll be damned if I do that again.

gingerthebasicemt

I want to elope! My FI is the one that wants a traditional wedding. I am more than happy to have and plan one for him. (Of course I will enjoy it!). If it were 100% up to me, we would already be on a plane to Vegas :-)

ishatag

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm still down, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm five months into a deployment than anything else. I'm decorating the house for halloween ALONE again for the second year in a row. And the oak trees are taunting me outside, dropping thier acorns on my roof going "haha we will cover your yard in leaves that no one but you will rake up!"Last year my neighbor just kept raking them back into my yard. It was miserable. So the wedding planning has just been put on a shelf for now. Too much for me to handle.

kaynix21

I didn't read all of the replies, so I'm sorry if this is repetative...I wanted to elope for awhile there too. Our plans kept getting messed up, improtant people, like my dad, kept having conflicts with the dates I was picking and we finally picked a date, and another couple had booked it two days before....so I had to go find a new venue.But at the point, and with a lack of support about us getting married at all (apparently 23 and 22 is too young...but whatever) I was ready to elope.Then I remembered that as badly as I wanted to marry him, I felt I would regret not having the whole ceremony and everything. So we decided not to elope, and so far I'm happy with that decision...talk to me in a few months though when I'm having a meltdown about planning.Good luck! Just feel confident in your decision, and tell yourself to not regret it no matter what. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you're together.