Update with Fi

Danidawn20

Hi Ladies,

So I have some things worked out with Fi.  To understand what is going on, I need to tell about one of my students. I'll call him Bob. Bob is not able to know the difference between fantasy and reality. Because of that, Bob has a tendency of making things up for attention. As his student teacher,I had to learn about how his brain works and ways to know when it is his disability talking or him. 

Anyways, now on to FI. When he was injured last year, it messed some things up, similar to what my student Bob has. So, he left in June, and the Army noticed things werern't right. He was sent home with a medical discharge.  I've seen all  the paper work and talked to the doctors.  The Break from TK was good, because able to step back and look at everything the way I have for some of my students. At first I was very upset that he lied to me, but now, thinking about I'm not  too angry he lied to me, knowing that he as of right now, his perception of reality is not what it should be.  I'm upset I wasn't told earlier, but his sister is the one in charge of his medical stuff and she doesn't like me. 

 I'm also feeling really stupid for not seeing this before he left. I'm also angry at the doctor who cleared him to leave, but I'm  happy  that the military doctors noticed and caught it.  I know the discharge will take a while, and I know I have to learn when his false sense of reality is showing. 

Anyways,I just feel  well...very stupid for missing everything, but thankful that you ladies helped me noticed. 

kyrgyzstan

I would postpone the wedding for at least a year. If his injury is so bad that he's willfully deceptive, then you really need to spend a lot of time (I'm thinking 6 months to a year) in individual and couples counseling to figure this injury out. If he is schizophrenic, you should take a lot of time to figure out if that's a marriage you can live in. It won't be easy, and 4 months is not enough time (especially in the heavy wedding planning) to be thoughtful about it.

LetsHikeToday

Wait- I'm confused. Did he lie? Or does he not know reality?

ggirl2001

I don't get how he doesn't know he was lying, but yet admitted it when you confronted him with the facts? I feel that if someone believed the lie, that wouldn't change their point of view. 

Also, did he ever tell you where he was those different times he was going back and forth on "leave" 

LetsHikeToday

I can't bold gg's second paragraph but that.

Zimsgirl26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_update-fi-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1bc2e126-4ce9-4c44-b84b-d3bc7b4d3b75Post:c3fe912e-f249-4c91-a411-559fe880513c">Re: Update with Fi</a>:
[QUOTE]I would postpone the wedding for at least a year. If his injury is so bad that he's willfully deceptive, then you really need to spend a lot of time (I'm thinking 6 months to a year) in individual and couples counseling to figure this injury out. If he is schizophrenic, you should take a lot of time to figure out if that's a marriage you can live in. It won't be easy, and 4 months is not enough time (especially in the heavy wedding planning) to be thoughtful about it.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
Definitely agree with this. There are some major issues right now and I wouldn't get married until those are figured out

calindi

.... why do you have to tell us about Bob to explain your FI's medical issues?  You could just say, "He has this issue where he can't distinguish truth from fiction".

But yeah, I think that's also a load of junk, as he did know it was a lie when you confronted him on it.

I honestly don't know what the situation is - if you're making all this up, or if he has real issues, or if he is making this up and living some sort of double life - but I do know this isn't a healthy situation to get married in.

Zeldakins

I have to agree with everyone else on this, it would be better to wait for any kind of union to take place. I honestly can't believe everything that I've read thus far on your FI...it just all sounds fishy to me...like maybe he's just a pathological liar or something along those lines. One of my ex's was like this, not just him, but a lot of his family too...needless to say, that's why he's my ex.

I really hope that for your sake everything gets cleared up and that you just hold off things for now. This is just so much to take in.

tyleet87

None of us really know what is going on with your FI but it just all doesn't sound 100% and it's giving all of us bad vibes. I hope everything works out but I think you should really think this through and understand before moving forward with anything.