Donation instead of Favors

SarahP787

This isn't military related but I couldn't think of a better place to post it so I figured I'd see what you ladies think.

I mentioned to Fi the other day that I love the idea of making a donation to a charity instead of giving out favors, but that I couldn't think of what single charity would really incorporate both of our interests. We don't disagree about most causes, but we definitely have distinct things we feel the most strongly about.

So Fi suggested we pick a handful of charities and have the guests vote! I think that sounds fun and like that it's interactive, but I've never heard of anyone doing that before.

Would it be weird? A bad idea? What do you all think? 

And, on a related note, does anyone have a favorite charity we should consider if we go for it?

kyrgyzstan

We were planning on donating to Wounded Warriors and the Heifer Project (our two faves). Instead, we're donating to Flying Leatherneck Aviation Museum. But don't tell your guests. Just do it. We're not doing favors at all, just the donation. But we're not talking about it.

http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/

http://www.heifer.org/#

http://www.flyingleathernecks.org/

I also love kiva for gifts, it's what I did for Christmas last year.

http://www.kiva.org/

shan87

I know people's view on favor donations vary. I am very for them. Our families insisted we have a dollar dance, which I am not a huge fan of. H and I are very stable in the money department and already have enough for a house payment in savings. I hate wasteful spending so we compromised.

We had a dollar dance and donated the proceeds to a Charity my Dad started before he passed away called Hind Site Fund (http://www.hind-site.org/ ps. that's my dad on the top banner ) . We surprised my Step Mom (present Chair) at the reception. She cried and thanked us. It was AWESOME! Since it was my Dad's charity it had extra special interest with me, and H for that matter.

FTR my favorite wedding gift was a donation on H and I's behalf to American Cancer Society, Colon Cancer Research Unit.

ETA: because I announced it before the dollar dance, I think people were extra generous and even had people participate that would not have otherwise.

SarahP787

Stan, what made you guys decide to switch to the museum instead of your two favorites? And why are you against telling the guests? I've been thinking if we're going to make a donation in honor of them, it makes sense to let them know...

kyrgyzstan

I've read a lot on the favor board, and their opinions on the subject make sense. If you're going to donate anyway, just do it in your own names. 

Once, my father donated to Greenpeace in my name. It made me a member. While I do not completely disagree with Greenpeace's mission, it's not exactly an organization I would have chosen myself. I would prefer many other environmental orgs before that one.

As far as the museum, we really love it there, they need a new building BADLY (the Nat'l Museum gets them all!), and if you've read our proposal story, you know that our love story is pretty centered around aviation, so it made sense that in honor of us pledging our lives to each other, we'd donate to a cause that has to do with how we fell in love. Plus, I donate to WWP and Heifer fairly regularly.

Beachy730

I am totally against donations for favors when it is made into a big production.  I think donations are great, I make them all the time.  But I don't go announce on FB or tell everyone i know that I donated $50 to ACS today, so I wouldn't do that for my wedding either.  If you choose to do that in lieu of favors, great, but your guests don't need to know that.  Favors aren't necessary, and most won't even realize that you don't have any.  But to me, when you announce that you are making donations instead, it comes across as major attention-whore-ish, like "look at us, we donate."  (Shan, please don't take that personal.  I also hate the dollar dance, and LOVE the fact that you did it to please people and donated that money instead).  

Also, there are many places that you can cut back on in your wedding to find money to donate; your flowers, your cake, your dress, etc.  Letting your guests know that you choose to cut back on one of the things for them is rude to me.  You could choose not to do flowers instead and donate that money, but nobody would.

Lastly, I have a bad taste in my mouth about donations as favors because the first person I know to do them flat out told me "it's great because people don't know how much you're donating, so you could donate like $20 and just say you made a donation."  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  So now I secretly wonder if that's what everyone does.  

Just like with most things, there are differing views on this.  Only you know your guests.  I know a lot of people in my hometown love this idea, but I hate it and refused to do it.  

SarahP787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:21add321-046f-48ab-8c74-e51d6fd81ea8Post:165326ce-5598-49de-a4cc-c5a3335309ce">Re: Donation instead of Favors</a>:
[QUOTE] Lastly, I have a bad taste in my mouth about donations as favors because the first person I know to do them flat out told me "it's great because people don't know how much you're donating, so you could donate like $20 and just say you made a donation." Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

That's awful! Why would you even bother?!

Also I didn't even realize there was a whole Favor board, clearly I should have poked around a little more before posting this!

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:21add321-046f-48ab-8c74-e51d6fd81ea8Post:b9faaa1f-f749-49ba-934b-f094d95c00b0">Re: Donation instead of Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of Favors : That's awful! Why would you even bother?! Also I didn't even realize there was a whole Favor board, clearly I should have poked around a little more before posting this!
Posted by SarahP787[/QUOTE]

If you post this on the favors board expect to get some heated responses in both directions.

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:21add321-046f-48ab-8c74-e51d6fd81ea8Post:165326ce-5598-49de-a4cc-c5a3335309ce">Re: Donation instead of Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]I am totally against donations for favors when it is made into a big production.  I think donations are great, I make them all the time.  But I don't go announce on FB or tell everyone i know that I donated $50 to ACS today, so I wouldn't do that for my wedding either.  If you choose to do that in lieu of favors, great, but your guests don't need to know that.  Favors aren't necessary, and most won't even realize that you don't have any.  But to me, when you announce that you are making donations instead, it comes across as major attention-whore-ish, like "look at us, we donate."  <strong>(Shan, please don't take that personal.  I also hate the dollar dance, and LOVE the fact that you did it to please people and donated that money instead). </strong>  Also, there are many places that you can cut back on in your wedding to find money to donate; your flowers, your cake, your dress, etc.  Letting your guests know that you choose to cut back on one of the things for them is rude to me.  You could choose not to do flowers instead and donate that money, but nobody would. Lastly, I have a bad taste in my mouth about donations as favors because the first person I know to do them flat out told me "it's great because people don't know how much you're donating, so you could donate like $20 and just say you made a donation."  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  So now I secretly wonder if that's what everyone does.   Just like with most things, there are differing views on this.  Only you know your guests.  I know a lot of people in my hometown love this idea, but I hate it and refused to do it.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

No offense taken. I was put between a rock and a hard place (in regards to the dollar dance- literally my Mom's cousin didn't do one and people still don't talk to her and if they do its about how they didn't get to dance with B or G blah blah)

We decided to keep our donation idea a secret until the night of and we both loved it.

FTR if people do think I'm an AW so be it. We made a crappy thing into a good thing and we helped people in the end. :)

Beachy730

No I think you made a great compromise with the dollar dance, and you let people know ahead of time that they would be donating to that charity, so it was their choice whether or not to donate, and how much to donate.  I don't see what you did as being an AW.  But maybe it's just because I like you! 

SarahP787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:21add321-046f-48ab-8c74-e51d6fd81ea8Post:aec05735-fca8-49ff-8ae4-78be5c0d5c89">Re: Donation instead of Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of Favors : If you post this on the favors board expect to get some heated responses in both directions.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

They even have a sticky on this very topic! Clearly I was quite a bit hasty in posting this here - I should have known better than to post before looking around to see if this kind of thing has been discussed before. It didn't even occur to me to me that there was a whole board just for Favors :-P I'm glad to hear everyone's opinions though.

SamiJoeB

We did favors, but we asked our guests (by word of mouth, not on invites or anything, but keep in mind our wedding was tiny) to donate something to Toys for Tots rather than give us a wedding present because we knew that even if we got household stuff, we wouldn't be together to set up a home until after our first year of marriage.  I know it's not exactly what you're talking about, but that would be another way to kind of give back ya know? H and I both LOVE Toys for Tots, aanndd fun fact: we volunteered for Toys together for our first date.

I am with Beach on this though.. I just think that if you want to donate, you should cut back on something for  yourselves like flowers or your dress, or something, rather than on the one or two things that are strictly for your guests.

calindi

I'm not doing favors or a donation. Really, at every wedding, I've ended up feeling it was unnecessary. We either get something edible, when we're already being fed, or some little thing with the couple's name that we'll probably never use again. I just realized that I don't think anyone will miss it. We are doing a tradition from FI's family, though, where the bride and groom walk around and hand out cookies made by the grandma's, so I guess that's kind of like favors?