Military Brides

A vent.

hwertpierklerusdf GRRR!

 I am so frustrated. My wedding is 79 days away and only 1 of my 4 bridesmaids has ordered her dress. They keep coming up with every excuse in the damn book! All the groomsmen went and got fitted and sized and order. I sent FI's sister a message today and her response was "Ugh well I don't have the money I have been out of work for 6 weeks". Maybe I am sensitive because I have a lot on my plate right now, but I feel like no one cares that I want my wedding to be nice. We are spending a lot of money on it. I picked the cheapest dress and shoes that I could find for them that looked good on all of them... The total is less than 100$. Ugh
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Re: A vent.

  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    First Comment
    edited January 2012
    I understand your frustration, it can be stressful in the last few months. Where are the dresses from? You need to call the salon or store they're being ordered from and find out when the last date to order dresses is, and what the rush cost is after that. Then give that info to your BMs and let them behave like the capable adults I'm sure they are. If your FSIL is strapped for cash, can you offer to pay for half? Or buy it and have her pay it back? Or let her wear something she already owns in the same color?

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  • edited January 2012
    I just called if they're ordered today, they will be in around march 23 give or take a few days. My wedding is April 15th. I am freaking out. They are from David's Bridal. I told FI I will pay for it, I am really pissed about it she is not a child KWIM? Shes 27 years old. My cousin just ordered hers after I texted her and my other BM is going to go tomorrow.
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  • Eeek. I can understand the panic. I asked by BMs to order their dresses by a certain date, but I know one didn't order til almost a month laster. Whatever, as long as it's here on time. March 23rd should be ok, as long as they know who will be doing their alterations already. I agree, if you can pay for it up front, do so. She can hopefully pay you back.
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  • I told her I would purchase it. She is known for NEVER paying me back. Is it wrong to consider this her BM gift if she doesn't pay it back? (of course permitting I tell her this)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:24e4d820-33bc-4811-b9e9-121de7b87dc7">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I told her I would purchase it. She is known for NEVER paying me back. Is it wrong to consider this her BM gift if she doesn't pay it back? (of course permitting I tell her this)
    Posted by Megan0416[/QUOTE]

    If you can afford it. Let it go. Always assume money lent out will never get repaid and remember to never do it again. :)
  • I deffinitly cannot afford it! lol Today is the last day at my "good job". I am moving to Florida tonight to be closer to FI and I am just going to be working part time at old navy. Also we are paying for the whole wedding our selves.
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  • I'm going to put it out there that being out of work is kinda a big deal. I don't have a job and I am scared shiitless. She probably isn't trying to make you stress, she probably just can't afford it. And I also don't think she doesn't want you to have a nice wedding. Know what I mean?

    That's nice of you to pay for it. Maybe she'll pay you back over time.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:30938e94-3cf8-42bc-8823-8e85a874b5d8">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I deffinitly cannot afford it! lol Today is the last day at my "good job". I am moving to Florida tonight to be closer to FI and I am just going to be working part time at old navy. Also we are paying for the whole wedding our selves.
    Posted by Megan0416[/QUOTE]
    Then why did you offer to pay for it? Either do it because you want her to be part of your day or don't do it. You're not required to pay for her dress, but if you're going to do it, don't do it and then hold it over her head. They can also take the dresses to a regular tailor or dry cleaner for minor alterations, instead of having DB do it if the timing is tight--usually independent places can be pretty quick. But over three weeks should be enough time to get them altered, or they were dresses out of the bag, what can you do.
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  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:30938e94-3cf8-42bc-8823-8e85a874b5d8">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I deffinitly cannot afford it! lol Today is the last day at my "good job". I am moving to Florida tonight to be closer to FI and I am just going to be working part time at old navy. Also we are paying for the whole wedding our selves.
    Posted by Megan0416[/QUOTE]

    Well then you have 3 options. (1) Pay for it and assume you'll never get your money back. (2) tell her you can't wait any longer order the rest of the dresses and tell her if she doesn't get her dress ordered she will be looking like an idiot at church. (3) If she doesn't have the dress she's not a part of the wedding.

    I had a BM that missed every deadline I set. I picked option (2) for her. The thought of her up there looking like an a$$ is some random dress motivated her to get it ordered ASAP.

    ETA: I read over the unemployed part. I would try to fit it in your budget. But as a BM I know its a luxury to be in a wedding and expensive so if I couldn't afford the attire I would drop out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:6a808bda-a223-45c9-bd1e-4b3b2a4d6901">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A vent. : Then why did you offer to pay for it? Either do it because you want her to be part of your day or don't do it. You're not required to pay for her dress, but if you're going to do it, don't do it and then hold it over her head. They can also take the dresses to a regular tailor or dry cleaner for minor alterations, instead of having DB do it if the timing is tight--usually independent places can be pretty quick. But over three weeks should be enough time to get them altered, or they were dresses out of the bag, what can you do.
    Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

    FYI Just because it is enough time doesn't mean they will get it done. Two of our BMs didn't and we had some issues day of. Thank God I brought a hand held steamer because since they didn't get it altered it wasn't pressed and looked like it just came out of a 1 gal ziplock bag.
  • I get understand your points, but I forgot to add she's married and her husband has a good job, and they've known about the dress since WAY before she became unemployed (maternity leave and then she extended it which I don't blame her for) I want her to be apart of the wedding because its important to FI, but I guess I feel pushed aside because she was in 3 friends weddings this year and I only know this because of when I went for my dress she complained that their dresses were over 200 each. FI's other brother did the JOP thing which is fine, and I want to include her, but even when I offered to pay she didn't even say thank you. IDK thanks for letting me vent though
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:a5938475-1dd9-4537-adc7-bf1665fc57c3">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A vent. : FYI Just because it is enough time doesn't mean they will get it done. Two of our BMs didn't and we had some issues day of. Thank God I brought a hand held steamer because since they didn't get it altered it wasn't pressed and looked like it just came out of a 1 gal ziplock bag.
    Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
    Yeah but that's on them. It CAN be done in that amount of time, so it's not like they have no options.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:270857c1-b434-4e57-b1eb-d4af605f225bPost:29b7c088-2f9d-43ac-9c69-4c9f50759504">Re: A vent.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get understand your points, but I forgot to add she's married and her husband has a good job, and they've known about the dress since WAY before she became unemployed (maternity leave and then she extended it which I don't blame her for) I want her to be apart of the wedding because its important to FI, but I guess I feel pushed aside because she was in 3 friends weddings this year and I only know this because of when I went for my dress she complained that their dresses were over 200 each. FI's other brother did the JOP thing which is fine, and I want to include her, but even when I offered to pay she didn't even say thank you. IDK thanks for letting me vent though
    Posted by Megan0416[/QUOTE]

    My husband also has a good job and with rent, a car payment, and bills we can do it but we don't have room for extra money.

    Listen, it sucks she didn't plan ahead. But she didn't.
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  • You just need to let all your bridesmaids know that it's the last day to order the dresses so they'll arrive on time. If they don't order the dresses, they're pretty much dropping out of your wedding party. It sucks, but what can you do other than pay for the dresses yourself or let htem wear whatever they own already.

    Also $100 is a lot for some people. Did you ask them what they wanted to spend (individually) and stick to that budget? Just because $100 seems affordable to you, doesn't mean it is to them. And they shouldn't have to buy shoes, by the way-- if you want them to wear matching shoes, you need to buy them.

    Lastly, it's none of your business how she and her family budget and spend their $$$. Especially if they've just had a baby, things are likely tight for them. I know she's known about the dress for awhile, and it's frustrating she didn't just tell you then that she wouldn't be able to afford it or didn't want to be in the wedding like an adult (if she's just been in a bunch, I don't blame her).

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