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Military Brides
ShyG
member
Proxy Marriage
My fiance' is in Germany and I'm in Georgia. We want to hurry up & get married asap. The only problem is the distance. I was researching and came across proxy marriage. I would have to get the double-proxy marriage which is only done in Montana. I was wondering if anyone had any knowledge on proxy marriages, either first-hand or knows someone who has done it. Does the army take forever to approve a proxy marriage? I need as much info on the situation as possible. Thanks.
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Re: Proxy Marriage
Ditto with PP. Why are you in such a hurry to do it? I mean of course it is your decision, but a proxy marriage is just so unconvential. I just can't imagine why you would want to do it that way. When is your FI coming back? Is he stationed in Germany? Can't you go over there and visit him and maybe do a JOP in person? I just find this whole idea of proxy marriage weird. It doesn't seem real, maybe it is in papers, but I think the 2 people getting married need to be there together to exchange their vows. Hope you figure out what to do though.
Why are you in such a rush to get married? My DH was in Germany when we decided to get married. He was able to get leave for Christmas and we got married on New Years' Eve.
FWIW, I find the whole idea to be ludacris and I feel like you're faking the marriage. Plus, I want to kiss MH when I become his wife, not some other girl. Please take your time to think about it. It's also sounding like it's more trouble than it's worth to do a proxy marriage, instead of just waiting.
For the double proxy, is your FI actually deployed to Germany or is that his station? For double proxy, he has to be deployed.
My husband knew someone in tech school that did this. And it gives me a bad taste in my mouth because he was doing it so he would be stationed somewhere else rather than Texas.
Good things are worth waiting for...
I would say proxy marriages are relatively rare. You may have to settle with advice from people that have not experienced such things.
A mature person would not be snarking people who gave options. From what the ladies have posted, you aren't qualified for one. People gave alternatives. You were the person posting craziness on a public message board. When mature people don't get the answers they want, they move on. Good luck
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't know how you'd get your military ID or get registered with DEERS after a proxy marriage, (ladies anyone know-) don't the military members need to bring their spouses onto a base with them to sign up for both?</strong> I've never heard about a proxy marriage happening before. I don't think you could get an AER loan to fly out there, but could you take out a personal loan so you could marry him in person on post in Germany? I assume there's a way to do so with chaplains out there. He might ask JAG if there are other options, too. R&R is probably your best bet for getting married, at this point. In the meantime he can draw up or change his will & life insurance (military provided and private) and get a POA if he wishes, and I assume he's already set you up to be able to receive info from his FRG?
Posted by LizHZ[/QUOTE]
To the bolded, I believe there are forms that she can take in along with a POA to get her into DEERS and to get her ID. I do know that there is one for the ID but I"m not positive about DEERS. Years ago my Dh was able to sign me up in DEERS without me being present, I'm not sure if that is still the case though.
[QUOTE]I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED FOR BENEFITS!!! WOW!!! All I asked was is there anyone who has had a proxy marriage. Yes, I can wait. Yes, there are other options. And even if we do it, he nor I will be kissing someone else, and it's just like when ppl get married in a courthouse and then later have a ceremony. We are going to have a ceremony. Yes, I'm a woman and I want my dream wedding. And I also want my dream man. He won't be able to come back to the states until 2012. But if we were able to get married, I could easily come over there. Even if the army didnt pay my way, but we could get a house and he wouldnt have to stay in the barracks. But regardless of my reason for getting married, whether its love or financial or whatever else you all can think of, its my business. I just asked a basic question, & wanted a basic answer, not anyone's opinion or thoughts on why I shouldnt do it. It's an option of ours, and we wanted real-life ppl to communicate with tht had actually had done one. <strong>I've read everything there is to know on proxy marriages, and obviously, i'm still uncertain.</strong> I thought this was a message board where I could post something and get answers regarding my marriage, regardless of how i do it. But thanks to everyone who chimed in. I really don't want to have a proxy marriage anymore, b/c i can understand your point of views, but its still an option of ours.
Posted by ShyG[/QUOTE]
Obviously not, since you didn't realize you do not qualify for double proxy, and you might not be in a state that allows single proxy.
Remember, this is a public message board, we can respond whatever we like. And we all let you know are opinions on what you asked. Like TX said, a mature person would read and learn or ignore and move on.
[QUOTE]I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED FOR BENEFITS!!! WOW!!! All I asked was is there anyone who has had a proxy marriage. Yes, I can wait. Yes, there are other options. And even if we do it, he nor I will be kissing someone else, and it's just like when ppl get married in a courthouse and then later have a ceremony. We are going to have a ceremony. Yes, I'm a woman and I want my dream wedding. And I also want my dream man. He won't be able to come back to the states until 2012. But if we were able to get married, I could easily come over there. Even if the army didnt pay my way, but we could get a house and he wouldnt have to stay in the barracks. But regardless of my reason for getting married, whether its love or financial or whatever else you all can think of, its my business. I just asked a basic question, & wanted a basic answer, not anyone's opinion or thoughts on why I shouldnt do it. It's an option of ours, and we wanted real-life ppl to communicate with tht had actually had done one. I've read everything there is to know on proxy marriages, and obviously, i'm still uncertain. I thought this was a message board where I could post something and get answers regarding my marriage, regardless of how i do it. But thanks to everyone who chimed in. I really don't want to have a proxy marriage anymore, b/c i can understand your point of views, but its still an option of ours.
Posted by ShyG[/QUOTE]
Who cares if he lives in the barracks big whoop....lots of Navy people have to live on a cramped ship in a coffin rack. I lived in the barracks when I was enlisted and it's NOT that bad. And even if you got married the Military is doing MAJOR cut backs right now so they probably won't pay to have you move out with him. I went through this problem with my FI...he was in Japan and even if I had flew out there and married him on the spot they told us that they wouldn't of moved me out there that I'd have to wait till he went to his next duty station. If you want to pay to move out there that's another story but you already stated you didn't have the money to even fly out there. And like many other PP's stated you don't even qualify for a Proxy anyway.
Oh and you have to be on his orders for the Army to pay for your move and you will not be on his orders until his next duty station. In addition, they may not move you overseas even if you are married. They aren't worried about you guys being together they are worried about national security and the mission your fiance signed up for.
I think that a marriage shouldn't be rushed. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE! I can't stand when people get married for the benefits. It's like the military gold diggers. You say that you aren't getting married for the benefits, OK, then maybe you should kind of watch how you word things when you post.
The thing about posting on this board. You will get honest opinions. Like it or not. We are not here to kiss butt and tell you what you want to hear. If you don't want the opinions, then my advice is to not post on here, or on any board, as a matter of fact.
Hope things work out for you. I'm sorry this board wasn't what you were looking for.
Okay, first, nobody said "Wait to get married!" - what they did was ask you the reason for such an unconventional way of getting married. And to be honest, it's a fair question. And the way you responded was ridiculously immature and defensive.
Second, you have said that you ARE getting married for benefits - you've said:
"But if we were able to get married, I could easily come over there. Even if the army didnt pay my way, but we could get a house and he wouldnt have to stay in the barracks."
"The marriage so fast is based on 1st, love, but also his security in knowing that if anything happens to him, his family will be ok."
So the benefits you're looking for are hopefully be paid to move to Germany, but at least have housing paid for, and the benefit that he can live off base, oh as well as "knowing that if anything happens to him, his family will be ok." Which I presume to mean... life insurance, since that's about all the military can do for a widow of a soldier. And you can get on that without being married.
I'll assume that you want to marry him in the long run for all the right reasons - but the question these girls asked was why do you want to get married RIGHT NOW by such an unconventional method. And it seems that you want to get married right now to get to be with him. Sadly, even being married can't always do that for a military spouse. When they're deployed or stationed overseas, often it's impossible for them to live with you or have you even in the same country. It's part of being a military spouse.
The women here have given you whatever practical information they have on proxy marriages - namely, that it doesn't seem that you are eligible yet - but none so far have experience with it. Why? Because it's not typically done. So if you only want to hear from people who have had proxy marriages, I hope you can find a "Military Spouses Who Got Married by Proxy" website, since we're all entitled to give our opinions and offer advice.
In my case, the advice would be to wait. There's no tangible benefit for getting married by proxy right now except a small bit extra in his paycheck. If you don't have the money to visit Germany, you don't have the money to move to Germany. You also wouldn't have a work permit in Germany, so you'd both be dependent on his income, which is probably not enough. You're better served to stay where you are at least until he gets an R&R during his deployment and you can both be in the same place to get married. It'll be a whole lot easier, less time consuming, and less complicated to get all the paperwork done.