Eloping?

Luke&Sam625

My FI and I had set a date told our parents and close friends, and started planning, but my mother is being a NIGHTMARE. and Actual, No Kidding, Nightmare. She's fighting me on absolutely everything. From the guest list to the reception hall. At first she didn't want anything to do with the wedding, now, she's taking it over. She's a very difficult woman in the first place. I just want to elope now. I don't want to deal with all the hassel, but I don't want to regret not having the big ceremony and the white dress and everything later. Everytime we talk it ends in tears, and I get no back up from my MOH or my Dad. FI says he doesn't care either way. I can't keep up the fighting and the tears for 8 months. The important part is my FI and I, and celebrating our love for each other. I just want to be his wife, and I'd like to have the big wedding, but in my Fiance I have everything I really want or need. Any Advice ladies?

Simply Fated

Is your mom helping out financially? Because if she is, she gets a say in it. If not, if you and you're fiance are footing the bill, then you can tell her to back off. Nicely, though, lol.

jeffsteph1207

Yep, I agree with the post above. If your mom is helping to pay for it, she gets a say in it. But you also need to put your foot down and let her know what your expectations are... afterall it is your special day.  My mother is deeply involved in planning mine, however, I'm deployed right now so she has to be. I gave her a couple of suggestions for the reception site, had her look at them and she gets a say because she is also contributing financially. But I made it clear what I wanted. If your parents are contributing, its all about compromise my friend. At the same time, this is supposed to be a celebration of your love, and it shouldn't be responsible for ruining relationships with people you care about.

beachk

yeah, i feel like you do every few days. i'm like UGH we are just going to disappear and have a private beach ceremony! and then everyone is like nooooooo have whatever you want blah blah blah.

catemeg

Right, if she's not contributing financially, don't even talk to her about wedding plans!  When she brings it up, be non-commital and don't offer your own perspective or opinions.  It's a nod-and-smile conversation where she tells you what you should do and you let it go right out the other ear.  "That's a cool idea, Mom - I'll talk to my FI about it and we'll consider it."  That way, when the idea disappears, it's because you preferred other options.  And if she isn't included in actively planning, she might get bored of it.

If you're truly planning it alone, hire a wedding planner.  It will make life much easier - give her your total budget (about $2k less than your real budget, for some flexibility), and tell her that her costs has to come out of that amount - usually they can save you money with vendors they have relationships with, so it's a win-win.  It will also give you someone to talk to about everything so you won't feel so alone or attacked.

And if she's driving you up a wall, take your white dress and go elope somewhere fun!

Luke&Sam625

Thanks Ladies!! Can I just say.. I love the advice and support I get from this board. You ladies Rock!!

catemeg

I do love this board best :-)

I think military brides are a bit more understanding and patient because... well, because we HAVE to be, as future-wives of soldiers!

Dinahgil

We eloped, feb 13,2010. best idea ever.it was fun, spontaneous and very private. our families new just 3 days before, when u come back you start living for ur husband and ur self only. it gives no option for family to tell u how to run ur plans. . best feeling, we planed a july wedding for family cus of course they do deserve something in the end, but just 2 weeks ago my husband was deployed to Afghanistan. Now we are hopping to have a December wedding. im still doing it in semi secrecy just so family don’t butt in but when he comes back we give out invites. think about it its not always  a bad thing your bound to get married anyways.       I hope this helps.
 

shan87

I had a very similar situation and I hope what we decided helps you out.
My Dad passed away after a 2 yr battle with Colon Cancer and My Mom and FI Parents are splitting the bill for our wedding 50/50. So the nightmare begins- once we est. that the parents would be splitting it everyone had a say. What we decided to do because he is Active Duty Air Force and the family nightmare we are running to the Courthouse over Christmas Leave with my MOH and his BM and their gf bf and getting married by the Judge. We are doing this so we can have 'our day' which has allowed me to feel way better about my Mom and His Parents taking over. We will still have the ceremony which is important to both of us but feel less pressure. I was also really flattered that FI is willing to marry me twice :-)

This is also going to help out with the paperwork nightmare as well. :-) Good Luck and give us an update when you figure it all out!